Why do single fathers like myself get looked upon differently to single mams.?

Question

It drives me mad!!! I'm looked upon like it's some big chore that i need help with and can't cope!

Answer 1

Im with you on that, ive looked after my 2 children from birth. You get stick from the health visitor, pre-school, and main stream schools.
Ive expressed an opinion about i thought that my youngest had hearing problems and was told to ask my wifes opinion, which made me fume....lol I have signed on behalf of my child at school and was asked if the mother agreed as well. The best one of all is filling out the passport application when i added my daughter to my new passport, i had to get my wife to write a letter agreeing that it can be done...
We are married, i am the natrual father, why should my rights not be the same as the mother's?

Answer 2

You make an excellent observation! And people need to stop stereotypecasting, after all, most men today are trying the VERY best they can. It's what a woman really wants so how dare society try to make it seem like the Impossible task?

Hmmm. Probably because it's not so much society as certain narrow-minded individuals who are disillusioned by dead-beat dads, or mom-struggling as widows or divorcees and need to open their eyes and see that all men are not like that and be proud of the men that are not. It's a wonderful thing that you are doing, as their are men out there who can be a better Parent than a some of us women, so I admire you for your sacrifice and obvious competence (isn't parenting a hands-on, on-job-the-training, career?)

But don't be let it the annoying, inquisitive, and condescending folks out there get you down, it's just as bad as it was years ago when folks wanted to whisper about the girl who got pregnant out-of-wedlock, or the couple living without-benefit-of-marriage, except now some have graduated to finding something more "unusual" to discuss, there have been plenty of other men who can understand your feelings, your frustrations and, and think, too, of all the dad's whose wives have careers and stay-at-home, they must feel out-of-place and looked at differently too. You can could start your own Support group or club.

You are not alone though, really be Proud that you are the example of what real parent should be, and tell those NOSY folks, that a good parent never had a specific gender. (fathers have ALWAYS been the stereotypical "good providers" of the American family, maybe some of the women cannot get over the fact that there are good men out there who are not dead-beat and that a can actually man be it all: provide well financially AND be a loving, nuturing parent.) Oh, well, you are not to worry about those men, you are part of the new-breed, of men who are better and the most modern of them all, GREAT GOING on setting an example of how all of us as parents should be single or married.

Answer 3

It's hard being a single parent either way... But probably because there are more single mothers than fathers, I think. And if you have a girl, you will probably get a lot of "Ohh! poor thing you need help?". I'm a girl, and I feel for you, especially if you have a daughter. There are all sorts of girl things that you know about, and don't get embarrassed about, but your little girl will get embarrassed about. (I had to tell my dad something once--about a monthly visitor-- and I couldn't do it. The school nurse had too! I forget why I couldn't get in touch with my mom.)

If you have a boy? Then... my theory has just gone to poop. : )
But the whole single father thing? It could be a plus with some ladies!

Answer 4

I was a single mom for years and my middle son is a single dad and you are right people do see the two very different. While he does get some of the attitude that you describe he also gets lots of kudos for things that are expected of a single mom. So I guess it is a double edge sword. Just keep being the best dad you can be and ignore what small minded people are saying. Good for you.

Answer 5

When someone ruins the fun for everyone it stays that way a few bad guys make all of you look bad even tho most of you are not it just ruins it for everyone I think its great your playing a role in your kids life even if you are a single parent thats any case everyone needs a lil help now in then with the kids its nice to get away keep on doing what your doing your a great guy !

Answer 6

I think women actually like the fact that they see a guy who has taken control of his responsibilities. I believe they see this as a very strong sign. If anything happened to my relationship I'd fight to the death to look after my kids - they are incredible. I'd use it more as a positive really, at least you get a chance to chat with women who are not afraid of kids and you may just find the person your looking for in time to come. When asked about them or being single, be proud - say "I love my kids and I love looking after them!"

Answer 7

Regardless if you are a single mother or father people will look at you as if the other child's parent will bring drama to you guys relationship once they meet. Trust me I know I was in a relationship like that the guy I was dating his baby mama starting tripping because she didn't want him to be happy with somebody else other then her, so that's why people look at use single parents different all because of the other parent and how they might react to your new relationship with them. so in other words some people don't like drama.

Answer 8

I look upon single Dad's with admiration. My real father left my mom with my brother and I when I was newborn. She was a single mom for six years until she met my (step) Dad. He took us both in just like we were his own. I admire you for taking care of your kid(s) even if you don't have a 'wife' ( or girlfriend) to help you. Most guys wouldn't do that!!!
Cheers to you!!! : ) WIsh u the best of luck!

Answer 9

Because its unusual in this society for fathers to have full responsibility for their children. People assume that the father cannot cope as much as a mother would - WRONGLY.
My dad raised both me and my brothers.
But my ex cannot even cope for 10 hours with our daughter.
Congratulations for raising your children and I hope you really enjoy it.

Answer 10

count yourself lucky, single dads are always fussed over, everyone thinks your amazing for what you do etc etc, us single mums get frowned upon like we're the bad ones. Its frustrating, someone asks where daddy is and you say oh hes not with us anymore and they assume u had a one nighter or something and got pregnant, a single dad goes out with their child and they get oh isnt that nice theyr making the effort etc etc. Enjoy having everyone think your great, id love for someone to make a fuss of me sometime, id love to stick a sign on my back and let everyone know the reason im single is that my sons dad got drunk lots and beat me load so for the saftey of him i had to get rid, his dads now married with another kid and doesnt even bother, yet i know he goes out with his new baby and everyone thinks hes a great daddy etc!