did i do the right thing?

Question

my cat has recently died and i told my son (4 yrs old today wooo hooo) the truth i told him that she passed away the problem is my husband was really close to the cat he raised her from newborn when her mother abandond her my son will do the kid thing and when he sees a cat he says our cat died this hurts my husband but i didnt want to lie to him i wanted him to know what really happend to the cat now my husband says i shouldnt have ever told him anything or at least not that she was dead i just wanted to be honest do yall agree or disagree with what i did

this does not only happen with the cat he does it with my brother too he died 4 years ago and i told him the truth and hell tell us michaels dead and it hurts but hes still a kid so i know that he doesnt really realize how it does hurt hes a smart kid but maybe i should let him know it how much it hurts ive told him it hurts our feelings but not how come or anyof that thank yall

sorry yall more im having a blonde moment ima add more too it the cat is an outside cat she was gone a month and when she came home she was in alot of pain and had alot of injuries i nursed her back almost to health but a cpl days later she had to go potty and my son let her out and i think a dog got her she was really messed up when i found her i dont want to tell him or my husband how bad she was cause its hard for me and to be honest i couldnt stand her much i am alergic to cats so i couldnt be around her but they were real close i just dont want them to know how much she was messed up so i just told them it mustve been from her injuries she had before which was probly why she couldnt get away but im trying to keep form telling them how bad she really was

thanks for the answers yall but the heaven comments are very offensive i do not believe in that or god or any of that

Answer 1

I agree...kids need to learn about the death. Now that your son knows he can ask questions. I remember when my first pet died. I remember being sad but I also remember recovering quickly. I know many kids pets "run away" how does that really help the kid? Then they are always looking for it and hoping it will come back. I think you did the right thing!

Answer 2

As your son is only 4 years old you have to consider his and your husbands feelings which makes things hard.

If I was in your shoes I would have told your son that the cat went to P*ssy heaven or ran away (out of sight out of mind and even quicker if replaced with another animal) to save the death speech for when hes old enough to fully understand. Its not nice to lie to children I understand that, but as a parent its our job to protect and nurture our children and at his young age maybe hes not ready for the facts of life.

The thing your husband has to realise is that as your son is only 4 years of age and it doesnt matter what story you told him, any cat he comes into contact with in the near future he is still going to call your old cats name. So even though it hurts your husband its not intentional. Your son has associated all cats as being (for example) called P*ssy.

Meaning either way you cant win. Explain this to your husband! Im sure it should help him realise and deal with things a little easier.

I apologise in advance if you find this comment offensive but I think you are being alittle too honest/blunt with such a young child. There are ways you can inform him without having to give him so much detail. For instance your brother has passed away (which Im sorry to hear) you could have told your son that Michael has shifted away. Where has he gone? To heaven! Heavens a big place filled with lots of people (and angels) and hes there with your other family members so hes not lonely. When is he coming back? You are unsure. One day we will all end up in heaven and be with Michael and the rest of the family. (Thats not lying, its totally factual, and its not hard for him to deal with at his age) When he becomes old enough to understand it will all fit into place what you have been telling him over the years. You dont have to be religious to believe in Heaven!

Its true life and death are a fact of life, I understand you want to be honest with your children which I think is great but there are ways of being truthful and depending on the childs age protecting their innocence and theirs and the rest of the families feelings.

For example we may not know exactly what lies on the other side once a person passes, but think for a moment how many adults believe that people pass away and go to heaven or hell. Nearly all religions do! I do not belong to a religion (I have faith) and even I do. Meaning its not like the Santa Claus fabrication where after the child reaches 10-12 years of age and then you come clean and state it was all just a lie.

That was just my opinion, ultimately the decision lays in your hands.

Good Luck with things anyhow.

Answer 3

You could've sugar coated it for your son, but anything he says to remind your husband of the cat would upset him. Whether it's the truth about her dying or she ran away or whatever else you could've come up with. Sounds like your husband is having more of a problem than your son. It's very touching to hear a guy feel that way. Maybe he and your son should talk. 4yr. olds have a wonderful spin on life, and maybe he can make your hubby feel better....

Answer 4

I agree with your decision to tell your son the truth. Now take your son aside & explain to him that your husband is sad about the cat passing away. When he talks about it, if hurts his feelings. Now take your husband aside & tell him to face the fact that everything dies, it's painful but the sadness will fade. Be thankful for the time you had with your pet. Keep the good memories, let the pain go.

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with what you did, but you want to make it as kid friendly as you can. Tell your child that kitty went to stay with the angels in heaven (unless that isn't your belief of course- I don't mean to infringe on anyones beliefs) but I think you get the idea. Your job is to teach your children, and you are doing that. Don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong in this. Life and Death are part of the lessons your child must learn, when and how (at first) is up to you. You can wait for something to happen too, but a healthy knowledge in a neutral light that is kid friendly is your best approach. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

oh yes, your son needed to know the truth. Better to know the truth then have him think the cat ran away, and possibly will be coming back soon. Your son saying the cat died everytime he sees a cat is his way of mourning, he is young, and this is how he is expressing his loss, just like your husband is mourning your son needs to also

Answer 7

You did the right thing. It's never really a good idea to lie to your kids. The fact is, most kids face the death of a pet and it helps them understand the life/death process. This will help your child deal with loss in the future; he will already semi-understand the concept. In my opinion, it seems that your husband is just have difficulty with the loss. In time it will get better for your husband and he will see you made the right choice, the choice he couldn't make because of his own grief.

Answer 8

Maybe u could talk to you son and tellhim that when the cat died it hurt daddy a lot and maybe u should tell him how reminding him of it makes him very sad. Something like that so he wont feel bad but also know what it does to your husband

Answer 9

I think you did the right thing. Even though your son is young. He should know the truth. You could of said the cat is gone or wait for your husband and tell your son together.

Answer 10

I think you did the right thing. You husband needs time to heal it sounds like. The grieving process may take longer for him. I'm glad that you did not lie to your son, regardless of how your husband is feeling. Perhaps it's possible to get everyone together to share stories of happiness in regards to the cat to help your husband not feel so uncomfortable when your son says, "our cat died"; perhaps that will help him to feel the happiness more than the saddness he is feeling. I'm sorry for your loss.