Things not to say to cops
What to not say to the nice policeman.
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good Job!
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
Bad cop! No doughnut!
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?
I pay your salary!
So, uh, you on the take or what?
Gee, Officer! That's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around--that's how far ahead of me they are.
What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?
2006-07-22 02:46:25 · 14 answers · asked by ? 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am"
Nice ones, made my day!
2006-07-22 05:16:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Here's another good one:
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following
exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's
card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too.
2006-07-22 04:38:23 · answer #2 · answered by merigold00 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No joke I know a man who was pulled over one night after work, he wasn't speeding, he wasn't drunk, and he wasn't weaving.
Just a random thing, but, when the officer walked up to the car he looked into the back seat to see serveral long neck brown bottles rolling around. He asked the driver "Have you been drinking?"
The driver,not knowing what he was talking about, did the redneck thing "HUH???"
The officer went on to tell the driver about the bottles and ask again about being drunk.
The driver looks over into the back seat and burst out laughing then turns back to the police and said "Sure have!" then reaches into a brown paper bag pulls out a long neck A&W root beer, then "Want one?"
Needless to say the redface police officer gruffly tells the driver to go home before he gets a ticked for offending an officer!
2006-07-22 05:00:17 · answer #3 · answered by allan2uall 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're obliged by using regulation, to respond to a policeman even as he asks you a question. To refuse to reply, is taken under consideration as DUMB INSOLENCE, however i do no longer comprehend if that maintains to be on the books. by using last silent, you aren't from now on purely being impolite, yet you may want to honestly be hindering in some component to an study, and also you'll purely seem suspicious to the lawman. finally in case you persevere in this you may want to possibly be charged with misdemeanour mischief, and the snigger will be on you. it is the signal of a sturdy citizen to assist the police human beings in any respect, at any time. if you're no longer doing some thing incorrect, and are polite to the officer, i'm confident that often is the end of it.
2016-11-25 01:33:03 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just print them up and glue them in the window like the MSRP on a new car, so that they will look at it when they start to check your car over!
2006-07-22 03:12:45 · answer #5 · answered by cdf-rom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey I just might say that the next time I run into a cop.(LOL)
2006-07-22 03:08:03 · answer #6 · answered by J-love 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good Work
2006-07-22 03:57:20 · answer #7 · answered by MK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cop - Had anything to drink?
You - No but if you got some I will drink it.
2006-07-22 03:24:11 · answer #8 · answered by zaazzy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dude... (take a puff of your self-rolled weed-stick)... you should like chill out and not play that siren so loudly...
2006-07-22 02:57:56 · answer #9 · answered by mochabara 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
SOOOOOOO Funny I like it alot
2006-07-22 02:50:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a cop ran off with my wife ...I thought you were him bringing her back
2006-07-22 02:53:18 · answer #11 · answered by pineforestkim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋