whos line is it anyway?

Question

can anyone please give a good blonde joke, or any kind of joke to give me a good laugh? besides, im the one who just loves to throw points around

unknown , jasmineB , unknown, jasmineB.
come on guys, ur making this way to hard on me. lol. i dont know. both of urs were so funny :) eeny,meeny,miney,mo....who should i pick?

Answer 1

its the linemans line

Answer 2

Ok I'll do it (for those ten points)!!well no offense to anyone

How does a blonde change a lightbulb?

She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

A blonde went in the library and walked up to the librarian behind the desk and said, "I would like a cheeseburger."

The librarian replied,"Shh! This is a library!" The blonde blushed. "oh, sorry.." then she whispered, "I would like a cheeseburger."

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island.

The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. So, instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

NEW INVENTIONS BY BLONDES:

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero proof alcohol

Reusable ice cubes

Skinless bananas

Do it yourself roadmap

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

I know a blonde because....
* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

Answer 3

Where Is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Answer 4

A sign in a factory: Girls wearing long skirts-beware of machines. Girls wearing short skirts-beware of machinists.

"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep!

There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning!

"Alcohol kills slowly" So what? Who's in a hurry?

Alcohol can ruin a marriage - stay single!

"Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk!

"Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours!

God made relatives Thank God we can choose our friends.

My girlfriend ran away with my best friend and I really miss him!

God is Alive! Speak to Him! (It's cheaper after six!)

When two's company, three's the result!

Confucius say...Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.

Confucius says...If you want pretty nurse, you've got to be patient.


De-Morgan's Law,
Binomial Avenue,
United States of Matrices.

My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw you with our cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

WITH LOVE
123

Answer 5

I was sitting in a bar in Philly one day when this drunk walked in.
he saw this lady sitting on a corner bar stool with a duck in her lap, he said, "what the hell you doin in here with that pig?"
the lady replied, "it isn't a pig, it's a duck."
" I know that, you old bag, I was talking to the duck!

Answer 6

Haha I love that show. :)

A blonde male moment.

At a niteclub, a guy tells a girl he wants a f*ck... She says she cant, she's on her menstrual cycle. He says "Its cool, I have my car outside, I'll follow u home".

Answer 7

this is one that i heard in the halls in between classes one day...

a boy walks into school late with no clothes on. he is sent to the principals office. The Principal says "where have you been?" and the boy says "i was on Blueberry Hill". She says 'Ok go get changed into your gym clothes".

a second boy walks into school late with no clothes on. he is sent to the principals office. The Principal says "where have you been?" and the boy says "i was on Blueberry Hill". She says 'Ok go get changed into your gym clothes".

a third boy walks into school late with no clothes on. he is sent to the principals office. The Principal says "where have you been?" and the boy says "i was on Blueberry Hill". She says 'Ok go get changed into your gym clothes".

Finally, a girl walks into school with no clothes on. She is also sent to the principals office. The Principal says 'let me guess, you were on Blueberry Hill too, right?" and the girls says 'No, i am Blueberry Hill"

Answer 8

bear and a rabbit are pooping next to each other in the woods. Bear looks over a rabbit and says," Rabbit, do you ever have the problem of poop sticking to your fur??" rabbit says " well, no, no i don't."
so bear picks up rabbit and wipes his **** with it

Answer 9

nah out of joke
onli got the old jokes here

The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why dosen't it rain on you?

Roses are red, Violents are blue monkeys
like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*


When ur life is in darkness pray to God ask him to
free u from darkness and if after you pray and your
still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL !


A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first
day, she gave her intro,
and asked all the students to Introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, "Let's start with the boys first."

Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok.
In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is
essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John.
Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of Supporting a
friend.

Ok next."
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next."
This continues...
And the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see Bubble in the
bathtub."
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown
boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please."


First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next."
You sweet Girl; Yes you..."
Most beautiful girl of the class gets up:
"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."



Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your sister.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and
so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "Go To Hell".

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.



Kissing is a habit
Fu**in is a game
guys get all the pleasure
girls get all the pain
the guys says i love you
and u believe its true
when ur tummy starts to swell
he says the hell with you!
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months of pain
3 days in a hospital
and a baby without a name
the baby is a bas**rd
the mother is a who**
this never would have happened
if the rubber hadnt tore.


GOERGE BUSH IN SCHOOL: -

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.
After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob".
"And what is your question, Bob?"

"I have 3 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
And third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that
they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?
Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him
what his name is. "Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?!
And fifth, where is "Bob"? !


S-SMILE
E-ENERGY
X-XCITEMENT
So make "S-E-X"a daily habbit and u will always be
SUCC"S-E-X"FULL!!!


What a dinner !

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist,
"Hello, could you give me condom. I'm going to my girlfriends for dinner
and I think I may be in with a chance!" The pharmacist gives him the condom
and as the young man is going out;
he returns and says, "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister
is very cute too.
She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I
think I might strike it lucky there too."
The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns
back and says,
"Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty
cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes
, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a
move!
During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left,
the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the
boy lowers his head and starts praying,
"Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us." A minute
later the boy is still praying; "Thank you Lord for your kindness.
" Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The
others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more
surprised than the others.
She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, "I didn't know you were so
religious." The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"