Got any advice for getting over trust issues?

Question

I had a girlfriend who cheated on me a few years ago, and now I have slight trust issues with relationships, and I can't get beyond the "friends" stage, even if I'm sure the girl want's to go out.

I'm asking online because of the same trust issues, I find it hard to confide in friends


Be Gentle!! :D

Sorry guys, I meant I have trouble moving on to another girl, whom I really like, but I still have that nagging feeling in the back of my mind

Answer 1

Sometimes it is easier to confide in strangers, so thats fine! Also, sometimes you get a more objective response. I feel that the only time you should be concerned and get help, GP or Counsellor, is if it comsumes you all the time and affects everything you do. It might be that your just writing things down is enough to tell me that you have noticed this, only because of recent events. I think it is really important not to expect yourself to immediatly trust someone. It does not mean you are suspicious or anything else, it is a natural response to being hurt. Well, we wouldn't place ourselves in danger in the same way twice would we! Not if we felt we had choices. You have time to take things really steadily, maybe it might be a good idea to talk through, just little bits, test the water, with your new girl what happened to you before, then once things are out in the open, you might find that you can relax a little more, and friends are good at listening, actually, you need a good friend right now, probably more than you know, so just go steady,. Let yourself take it, tiny step by tiny step and soon you will leave it all behind. Remember, trust has to be earnt, maybe your new friend will show you this by her actions too! Good luck.

Answer 2

Good for you for starting to work this out, having trust issues can make a very lonely life for a person. I am also sorry that you were cheated on in the past, that is very painful. I can understand the trust issues with your former g/f because of what she did, but why your friends? Have they been lousy friends? I think it is important to ask your self who you have trust issues with and WHY. If you have a difficult time trusting people, even if they have done nothing to you, you should find a counselor that can help you work through this. This is important. If your friends have been untrue to you, and have not acted in your best interest, you should consider betting better friends. I think it is important to slowly talk to your future g/f (who ever that may be) about what happened and why you feel the way you do. She may have had a similar experience, and can relate, you never know. What ever you do though, don't sound like a scorned, bitter, and angry person because that is just a huge turn off. Don't talk about what a louse your former g/f was, just let it be known that someone close to you in the past abused the trust you gave them and because of that you are having a difficult time trusting people. Also let her know that you don't want to be that way, and one of those ways you are working on it is by sharing this with her. Don’t do this after knowing her for five minutes, but wait until you have been friends for a bit. The only way to feel like you can trust some one is to trust them, so starting off as friends is really the best way. It is also very important for you to listen to and respect her and her issues, we all have them. This way you can start to talk about this stuff in a non threatening way. I had trust issues my self, and I would literally run away (physically and/or emotionally) when faced with any conflict in a relationship. These issues are not easy to conquer, but it is possible. Remember though, you need to look at how many people you don't trust. If you are just assuming that everyone is going to stab you in the back at the first chance they get, this is an indicator of a deeper problem then just being mistrustful of a g/f because you were cheated on in the past. I wish you all the best of luck.

Answer 3

He is lying... you know it, he knows it and I know it. Your intuitions are correct, he lied about the condoms, the porn and everything else. Why would a random used condom show up at your place when he was home alone and HE didn't think THAT was strange? The thing is, he will never stop lying. It's just his nature. He will only get better at covering his tract every-time you confront him. He will tell you whatever he needs to say to you, to pacify you at that moment then he will cover his tract better next time. You can go ahead with the marriage if you wish, but don't be in denial. Understand that this will be the life you choose because nothing will change. It will only get worst. Good luck.

Answer 4

I have been cheated on too, so I can relate. But I have found that you can't live in the past because that will get you no where. Also, you can't compare every girl to the one who cheated on you. If you do this, you are only cheating yourself. I'm not saying you may never be hurt again, but that is all part of life, but not trusting, and moving on, you are only hurting yourself. Being lonely sucks, so go for it man

Answer 5

Everyone has felt the pain of a relationship that didn't work out. It simply was not meant to be. Acknowledge the hurt that you feel and try to move on.

It's okay to go out as "friends" for a while and the trust will build.

Answer 6

I have the same problem (only I'm female!) after a good relationship gone bad (just how DOES that work??). Follow your heart, but sometimes you just need to take the plunge/ risk and give it a shot. Just don't rush things- I broke up with my LAST boyfriend about 6 years ago now, yes, *6* years! I'm happy now though.

Answer 7

Go ahead man. Dont be worried about getting cheated. Leave it to fate. If you look for guarantees and warrantees, you will spoil your life. In the end, its better to get cheated after being in love for sometime, rather than not remaining loveless for whole life. And who knows, the chances are, you may not get cheated at all... then its a bonus. what say?

Answer 8

I'm in the same situation and my heart goes out to you. a favorite quote of mine states that "A ship is safe in it's harbor, but in time it's hull will rot out". Sometimes you must take a leap of faith and give the next person the benefit of the doubt and allow them to prove themselves. I'm also talking to myself here so I won't be a hypocrit. If you always wonder if, it takes away from experiencing. May your heart heal and love prevail. Be in peace.

Answer 9

there's not really anything u can do to get over it it will allways be in the back of your head but u got to move on but this time lay it all down tell the girl if she cheats she gone and mean it don't put up with it it has nothing to do with u at all its the girl u deserve to be happy

Answer 10

Don't compare all girls to your ex. There are plenty of females with whom you can trust. Give them a chance. For your sake, you need to try trusting others again so you can stop letting your loser ex create havoc in your search for a real woman.