What would you do in my situation?

Question

I'm 17 and i still live with my mom. She does in home daycare and it's always hectic at home. I'm a good student and i use to get good grades, but it's hard to keep up in such a stressful condition. I work for my sister and her husband in a office that they own and manage. The bussiness isn't doing too well at this time and i may be out of a job by the end of the summer. My mom and sister hardly ever talk anymore and i can't rely on my mom for anything. She can't remember alot anymore and is sick often. My sister has offered for me to move into her new house with her family, if i don't then i'm soon to lose my job. If i do then i would feel terrible about leaving my mom on her on in the condition she is in. Yes, she is an adult and she can take care of herself but i know she needs me, but at the same time I don't want to see my future go down the drain if i stay with her to help out. So the question is, look out for myself and move in with my sister, or stay at home and work through it

Answer 1

I sugjest saving some money to move out, and be on your own, and find a job, that is not family related

Answer 2

Hey, I understand how you feel. I was in a similar situation when I was 13.
My father died when I was 5, and my mother was never the same since then. And she was only 27 at the time. When I was 13 I was about to move to a new school, to start language studies. My mother was very upset, and she needed me, as me leaving would mean leaving her all on her own. Since my father's death she had dedicated herself to looking after me and my brother only. She did not have or want a life of her own.
My brother had left the year before, and it was only me and my mom living together. I spent hours and hours crying for her because I felt so sorry to leave her alone. I felt as if I was a thankless horrible person who only thought of herself. I wanted to stay back but knew that would lead me nowhere.
So I did move to that school (in a different town), and I have lived more or less separated from my mother since then. I graduated from the language school, and was the best in class. I moved on to university, did a degree, and have now a very well paid job. My mom is very proud of me, and although she still misses me a lot, and she does sometimes says she wishes it could all go back to the times when we were together, she and I both know that that would not have made much difference, apart from me being unhappy with my life, too.
I am now 28. I do still cry sometimes, and I do feel like a monster at times but I know that I have done the best thing. I love my mom more than ever, and I think I should start doing more for her. And I will.
So, my advice is, you have to move on no matter how difficult it will be. And it will be difficult. You will both appreciate this later on but the beginning will hurt. You will try and help your mother even then but just be careful not to allow this turn into a "you-owe-me" situation because then you will be facing some major problems.

Answer 3

If your mother has a medical condition then SHE not you needs to seek help for that. You can help by encouraging her to see a doctor. You are NOT responsible for your mother or any other human being, and let me assure you that if your mother doesn't want to take care of her issue she won't. That said what you need to do is finish HS. If your mother is having problems paying the bills and keeping you taken care of then you need to seek help from the school system or some other trusted adult other than your sister. Sounds like there is a fued between your mother and your sister, you do not want to be a part of that. Quit your job with your sister and get another job. If you need to move out and the school can't help you then you need a reliable stable job, that you can live off of. This will all be rather scary, but remember many have done it before you. Good luck.

Answer 4

Your problem is very troubling. You can:
1. Explain your sister
2. Stay with your mom and look out for another job
3. Go with your sister
I personally if facing this problem, would try options 1 and 2.
Your mother as you said needs a support.
If this is not doing and you want your job, then you can send your mother to an Oldage home wherein you can send her some money every week or month.
The choice is yours. But I think you should either leave the job, First try explaining. If then, send her to an oldage home where she can live her last days peacefully.
You can go and visit your Mom also regularly.
Good luck.
May you find a solution and may my answer be some use.
Bye

Answer 5

she took care of you from you were born till now it is time to return that back to her!! she is not good and it will not be good idea to leave her alone and move cuz u want to have a good future! What kinda sis do you have she doesn't even care of your mom when she is sick do you think she will take care of you???
if you move out than do make sure that there is someone who will take care of ur mom while your not there!!!
from where i stand i look things differently.... she gave birth to 2 and well not that she is ill not even one wants to take care of her!! she went thru so much pain to bring you into this world and this is what she gets in return!!
There are thousands of job opening each day why don't you apply there.... you may get paid more than what your sis is giving you and that way you can stay with your mom and take care of her and earn more money too!!
Why do u want to work with ur sister?? is there any specific reasons??
you will lose ur job end of summer anyways u will have to find a new job so all you want to do is be taken care of by ur sister in what way??
your future does count you can do the same by staying with your mother?? get a different job and stay with her... who knows how much more she has to live??

Answer 6

Hi

Sorry to say this. I think you are thinking or worrying too much. Be focus and strong. Whatever is in your head are all "excuses" which stop you from taking your ONLY mum.

Your current job is not your long term career. So if you are worrying of losing your job just because of your mum's condition and your sister is infact asking you to dum your mum should be slaughtered.

You have good grade and the reason why you are here is your mum. So tell your sister to be reasonable. Afterall, it is her biz. So I am sure your sis should be able to work out something flexible for you.

Answer 7

I would move in with the sister. If your mom is running a day care are the kids safe with her health bad? If she can't remember she might be getting Alzheimer's. I would make sure she gets to a doctor is she is sick all the time. You kinda through out a bunch of info in scattered pieces so it is a little difficult to help you to much.Maybe move in with sister and talk to her about your mom and what is wrong with her.

Answer 8

Do what you can for your mother. Afterall, she did take care of you, it's time you help take care of her. If you can't keep an eye out for her and maintain a job at the same time, look into putting her into a home, or have a nanny look after her. She should be supervised if she is very ill. It is important to look after yourself as well, so do what you can but don't let your career fall too behind. You have to take care of yourself too. I wish you the best and I hope things work out.

Answer 9

Stay at home 'cause you are still young, but make it aware to your mum how you are feeling (communicate). Now that this is done then the next step is to make time for yourself whether it is once a week or 2 hours a day & stick to it. You need a plan/routine. Good Luck, sounds like you got a good head on your shoulders :)

Answer 10

Wait until you are 18. Save money.
There is nothing wrong with making a life of your own.
You can love your mother and sister and still be close to them.
It is a reality that we all have to take good care of ourself and be responsible for your own life.
Education is the key.
You can't change how someone is, you can only change how you react to them. YOu can still love your family and still make a life for yourself.

I hope that your 18th birthday is soon.

Answer 11

I joined the Navy at 17, worked for me...A short 20 years later I was getting retired pay for life at 37. I also earned a couple of masters degrees along the way.