I have fallen for a married 38 year old woman with two kids i am only 21 but I cant get her out of my head?

Question

We never had sex so it wasnt about that she makes me feel so good about my self, i have had previous relationships but nothing that felt this good, now i am constanly thinking of her and anything that goes on in my daily life i feel like it is distractting me from thinking about her, she says we cant be together as it would upset to many people and her family which i agree with i dont want to hurt any one, and i no a realationship with her wouldnt last anyway its just i cant stop thinking about her an its tearing me up i have been like this for 4 months now i see her ocassionaly but feel like i am getting a bit obsessed, it dosent help that i cant tell anyone that is why i am asking for help her any feedback would be great thanks

Answer 1

Well atleast you have a good head on your shoulders. And so does she.
I guess the main thing you could do, is the occupy yourself other ways, meet women online, or out in public.. Find common interests with other people and experience life. You can think about her, but she is forbidden fruit and there honestly is no future with a married woman.

Put up a personal ad somewhere, or meet someone at work, or involve yourself in the community so you can meet people. once you find someone your own age and who is single, you will still think about the married one, but not in the terms that you're speaking about now.

Answer 2

Hi there.
When someone makes us feel that good about ourselves, we, as humans, feel instantly connected to that person. You probably had past relationships with more immature girls who were concerned with having sex and going out all the time, whereas you don't regard sex as the only 'glue' in a relationship. This older woman has probably been hurt too, and because you aren't pressurising her for sex, feels an affinity to you.
Please remember though, this lady is married. You wouldn't want to wreck the home of two young children, and her husband loves her, they took vows to be together.
I think that you need to physically take a step back. It will be hard, but sticking around and becoming 'obsessed' will hurt so much more in the long term. Delete her number out of respect for her family, and don't contact her. Then meet up with old friends, who will cheer you up immensely. If you don't like pubs and clubs, try joining a club that reflects your personality. You will meet like minded people, people who aren't married who you can plan a future with that will last.
Please don't pursue this. You will get hurt, and so will so many others. Hope I have helped a bit!

Answer 3

Well, you feel this way right now, but trust me it's not gonna last is a huge age difference, not that it matters, but you are so young, and you haven't live your life to the fullest yet, and she is all settle down, you can be happy for a while living your dream or fantasy with her but you gonna open your eyes, and besides hurting other people, you gonna hurt each other and that's not right, but as you said you are getting a little obsessed, but once you get the price, what is it going to be next...and don't forget she is married with kids, kids who need a dad and mom together, you gonna carry that weight in your shoulders if he finds out and they get divorced

Answer 4

It sucks to be so obsessed, I know. But I don't think you should act on it. It would hurt too many people, and you admit that you don't think it would last anyway. I have a hunch that part of what is driving your obsession it that she is forbidden - that she is so much older, that she is married. Maybe try something else that wouldn't hurt so many people. Go out with your friends, and try to meet new people. I assure you, you'll fall in love like this again, hopefully with someone better for you.

Answer 5

Listen - you don't seem to have a 'real live relationship' with this women. You don't say if you have ever been out on a date but it doesn't sound like it and you havn't had sex - what have you both had?? A Fantasy. I don't know why you have both had this conversation with regards to being together and the future, but to have a future you have to start in the present. Sounds to me as if the women has tried to let you down lightly by pointing out her responsibilities to you. Let it go. Go out with your mates, have a couple of one night stands and then start looking for another girl - WHO IS FREE AND AVAILABLE to start a mutual loving relationship with.
Good luck!

Answer 6

I fell for a 21 year old woman with two kids. The suffering has never stopped and it has almost been four years. The truth is: I love her and it doesn't ever look like it will amount to anything.

Answer 7

I can understand you perfectly, been in those shoes before. You need to understand perfectly that she is not for you, she likes you as a friend and her being open to you is something you may not have experienced before and the truth is if you really like her you will respect her and her beliefs and her situation, chances are that when you get over her she will respect you much more and appreciate you as an adult. I suggest you just try avoiding her for sometime until you can control yourself perfectly, that will help.

Answer 8

i think of being married and being thrown into being a grown up at 21 is quite puzzling no remember how old your companion is. The age distinction is an further undertaking, as is being an prompt dad to human beings fewer than 10 years youthful than your self, no remember how properly you get alongside. you certainly have an quite difficult highway beforehand of you. yet stranger pairings have labored. good success. Boy, are you going to need it.

Answer 9

i think you are disturbing her life by by your infatuation. it's a complex you are subconsciously trying to resolve, related to your relationship with your mother ! you seem to have a loveless relationship with your own mother, prompting you to get illogically obseesed with older women. what you are lookin for, is emotional support actually, mistaking it for love. what's the end result of this kind of relation ? pl. just think coolly. after a while, when the emotions dilute, you wil lose your drive, and be drawn towards young girls of your age group, which is natural.what happens to her, then ?
think from her welfare point of view, her kids, and be away from her life, in that sense of the terms. if you can't have a simple friendly association, better end it gracefully, what can i say, it's upto you now, think ahead, think what the society wiil say, your future, and decide.

Answer 10

hun belive me when i say this,its just a crush,we all been there. Go out with ya mates,and go meet other girls,get this woman out ya head. It wont last long,i should know i was 17yrs going with a 29yr old,and honistly looking back,i thought why did i do something daft like that. it just a crush u need to get over it