Is it ok to tell my 5 year old that I am not his friend but his Mother?

Question

My 5 year old has conversations with me about his friends and how much he likes them and tells me I am a good friend of his. I tell him I'm not his friend but his Mother. I mentioned this conversation to a Moms group today and they seemed appalled I would say such a thing to a child (my interpretation)

Answer 1

I think that your kid is trying to tell you that he really feels a lot of affection for you. And right now at his age, he equates that with his close friends. Maybe explaining why mothers are so much more special than even "good friends" will help him understand the difference.

Explain to him the things mothers do that good friends do not, and how mothers love and support you more than good friends ever could.

Answer 2

I believe it's important for a parent to be a parent more so then a friend. I agree with what you're saying, I just don't agree with when you said it. Just yesterday a co-worker was telling me about his granddaughter being treated like an equal at the age of 4 by her mother so she acts and talks grown up instead of being a child. It was funny the things he said but I don't have time to elaborate on them now. But I believe it's important that you don't treat your children as an equal. They need to understand you are the parent and yes they can come to you for advise or just to talk, but that doesn't make the discipline any less harsh when they get in trouble.

Answer 3

A better approach may have been "You can think of me first as mommy and secondly as a friend". A parent should be a friend to there child, but its a whole different type of friendship. A bad example a parent child friendship is when a parent allows the child to be an equal instead of a disciplined child. A good example is to be someone they can trust to come to when there is no where else to go.

Answer 4

Seriously anyone who is appalled by that answer needs to get a clue. You are completely in the right. There has to be a differentiation here and now is the time to do it. In fact as he gets older he may start to talk to you in ways that he talks to his friends or exhibit behaviors that he does with his friends at school and you have to explain the difference. Your child will have enough friends in his life and only one mother.

Answer 5

It's a great thing that the child considers you to be your friend. If it is really important to you that he must know you as his mother, try a more softer approach. Try telling him stories how happy you were when he was born and how it was when he did things for the first time. Express your happiness with him. You could even tell stories about you and your mother. Tell him real happy stories that only a mother could tell and not any other friend. It takes time and rush into things. Don't tell things to him make him realise.

Answer 6

A bit ridiculous to say to a 5 year old in my opinion. Do you REALLY believe a little one comprehends the different levels of relationship? If you are considered a "good friend" of your child than that is positive. Why in the world would you try to extinguish that? Why in the world would you believe that your child doesn't realize that you are his mother?

Is this your child that you are raising or ??? If you aren't raising this child then you aren't his mother.

Answer 7

This is what I know. When we were kids we all wished our parents were cooler. Cooler, sometimes meaning letting us do what we wanted, and sometimes meaning we had a friend who had cool parents and we wished ours were like theirs. I have 4 children now, and I just about bust at the seams when I hear my kids friends say "wow your parents are so cool". Dont get me wrong, I am very strict, and it is very my way or the highway at my house, but here is what I have found out... Kids dont tell their parents anything, we didn't, and they tell their friends everything. So in 8 years when your facing the wrong side of a slammed bedroom door, tell me how much you want to be just his mother and not his friend. Both are possible

Answer 8

You are the mother and not a friend. It's terrifict that you know the difference. A friend might sit around and watch while their 'friend' smoked pot, but I guarantee you a good parent wouldn't.

Your child needs a parent, friends they can find on their own!

Answer 9

I have a daughter and more than anything I want her to look at me as a friend. She tells me I am her best friend. I understand that you want respect from your child but I think a friendship with your child is very important. If your child grows up knowing that you are his friend it will be easier for him to come to you when he needs someone to talk to.

Answer 10

I think you were totally correct in saying that to your child. He needs clearly defined boundries when it comes to anything in his life, including his relationship with you. He needs to know that you're his mother and not his friend. And as his mom, it's your job to guide him in the right direction, listen to his woes and comfort him, play and interact with him to nurture his development, etc...but not to be his "friend." You're his parent.

Others might disagree with me, but that's my opinion.

Incidently, congratulations on having such a special relationship with your son. He obviously loves and respects you enough to call you his friend...that's really awesome.