how can you tell if the girl youre attracted to is into girls aswell since its something she would want 2 hide

Question

with the way some people react with gays its a scary thought for me, a girl going to and all girls catholic high school, to just walk up to a girl i think is hot and tell her so

lol sometimes i just wish there was like a secret code word or something so if i said it only a girl who was into girls would know what the hell im talking about

anyways half the school has been condeming me to hell for the past two years and now im trying to prove im straight... to no avail... and i haven't had a date in like 5 months

earlier tonite i was at a local band concert and there was this girl i didn't know and i totally had the hots for but i was way to scared to go up to her and say something and face the embarassment and such of her saying shes straight and completely not into me

what the hell do i do?

hey thanks i really appreciate your help especially Pearly & zaheer s angel

you know you're right i think it's worth taking the chance of getting hurt becuase instead of getting hurt i may just find myself in a very nice situation ;) and if i get shot down i'll just dust myself off and move on

it really isn't worthwhile to not go for something just because you're afraid of the results
i think its worse to regret not taking a course of action than to regret the outcome of your actions

im not condeming myself im happy with the way i am its my peers who aren't and while it's tough to face that it's probably better to not have to worry about "being found out" and such so i probably should just leave things at the truth

Answer 1

Condemnation, as you have found out from experience, is not the way to go. And 'trying to prove you're straight' only makes things worse - again, as you know from experience.

So the takeaway here is to not condemn yourself for your desires, even if others around you are, and not try to be non-platonic with guys.

I am very glad to hear you are in fact not condemning yourself. I pray you will have the strength to continue this in an environment that must be quite difficult. One thing to point out, if anyone else tries to condemn you, is that there is a difference between desire - temptation - and taking action.

And this kind of thinking also opens the way to, if we have a desire, simply treating it as a choice we need to make about what actions we will or will not take.

Now, when we are making such decisions with respect to our personal lives (or anything else for that matter), we need to have other criteria besides 'our own desires'. I mean, look at all the breakups and third-party intrusions in relationships around you. Aren't they all due to precisely that: people taking 'their own desires' as the be-all and end-all?

So I would definitely encourage you to give some thought to the criteria you are using to make your decisions about what actions to take.

I do think the Bible has good things to say to us in this matter, although we do need to get away from the idea that 'this is what my church teaches, this is the tradition, so I have to do it'. We need to understand that every view is going to have its weak point, because human understanding cannot encompass the entire mind of God all at once, and mere words cannot express that Mind either.

So, the traditional argumentation that homosexuality is wrong has three weak points:

1. Even Scripture makes allowances for the world not being ideal. This is most obvious in the area of divorce, and this is a prime example of why we need to study Scripture for ourselves, instead of just believing everything we hear, because I am well aware that the Catholic Church teaches that divorce is not possible.

However, take a look at these verses: Deuteronomy 24:1-4; Matthew 5:31-32; Matthew 19:3-10; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18; Romans 7:2-3; 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. Do they really teach that divorce is *impossible*? Do they really teach that it is *not possible* to destroy the marriage bond?

While I do believe these verses teach that we *shouldn't* willfully destroy the marriage bond, I personally see even two ways that it can in fact *be* destroyed, and that if these things do happen, a way out is provided. But it's better you read the verses and come to your own conclusions in this matter.

2. The traditional argumentation also draws a connection between homosexuality and idolatry. See, back in Old Testament times, the pagan nations surrounding Israel worshiped different gods and engaged in various religious practices - some of which had a sexual element, among them homosexuality. So there are indeed verses that draw such a connection and condemn homosexual behavior, and there are echoes of this in the New Testament.

Take a look at Leviticus 18 and 20 in their entirety (the verses specifically mentioning homosexuality are 18:22; 20:13); Romans 1:18-32 (verses specifically mentioning homosexuality are 26-27).

The problem here is exactly what the connection between homosexuality and idolatry is. Do these verses teach that all homosexual activity is by definition idolatrous, or that not all homosexual activity is idolatrous, so that what is being condemned is such activity in a context of idol worship?

3. One could say that 1 Corinthians 6:9 draws some sort of connection between homosexuality and lust. But read 1 Corinthians 6:9-20 to get the context for that, also Matthew 5:27-30 and Colossians 3:5 before we go any further. What is being taught here: is it that homosexuality is 'by nature' lustful, or is not all homosexuality lustful, so that what is being condemned is not all homosexuality, but lustful homosexuality?

Now, all that having been said, the argument that homosexuality is really OK also has three weak points:

1. The interpretation of Matthew 19:3-10 as allowing one to marry a member of the same sex - if one finds oneself in the non-ideal situation of being attracted only to MSS - assumes that homosexuality is irreversible.

The problem with that is, 'it ain't necessarily so'. Thousands of people have acquired that ability where they did not have it before. I even know some of them personally. You can find testimonies of other such people here:

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/rossuk/h-exgay.htm

Two kind of scary things you may hear about such people:

a) that some sort of 'torture' is used on them to get them to 'renounce' homosexuality

See, there are ministries devoted to helping people get out of 'the life', if that's what they want. And like all ministries, some are good and some aren't.

The church I used to go to in the States had such a ministry, the pastors were very careful to teach the congregation that homosexuality is not 'the worst possible sin', there is to be no stigma attached to it, and that they should therefore treat people who have homosexual desires with love and acceptance.

So don't believe everything you hear: you can I'm sure find bad ministries, which thank God I've never had any personal contact with, and you can find good ones too.

b) Then there is the matter of people 'falling away', going back to the life.

Apparently, this ministry I referred to had a very good success rate (success meaning living a non-homosexual lifestyle). They did admit to occasional failures, and apparently if it did happen, it boiled down to the person's having approached the matter with the goal of 'becoming straight', and getting angry at God when He didn't give them *exactly* what they wanted.

See, it is quite true that such desires most probably will not go away if someone has them. So there will always be choices to be made that an exclusively heterosexual person would not have to make, and some of those choices can be painful. And it can be lonely being in an environment of having to make those choices and not feel you can talk about it with anyone around you - as I see you have found out from experience.

On the other hand, if a person is leaving homosexuality for the right reasons - that they are absolutely convinced that this is what God would have them do, it arises out of their relationship with Him, ties into their very deepest values, etc. - apparently (according to the observations of the folks who work at that ministry I told you about before) about two out of three do eventually acquire the ability to be attracted to an MOS.

So, to sum up, it definitely is possible to leave homosexual activity behind and acquire the ability to be attracted to an MOS even if you didn't have that ability before. And God can do it at any moment.

But that still leaves the one out of three, and that leads me to the second weak point in the argument:

2. The argument that homosexuality is OK also assumes that it is impossible to live happily celibate.

First of all, the fact of the matter is that even if someone leaves homosexuality behind, it is unlikely to happen right away that they become attracted to MOSs. They will be called to be celibate for a time, for much the same reasons that we all come into the world celibate: to give us a chance to learn how our bodies work, how to make choices about what we do with them, before the hormones kick in.

Secondly, there is the fact that it may be a particular person's calling in life not to have a partner at a given time, or at all, and therefore being attracted to anyone in particular would be unnecessary. That person can then spend their time loving everyone, while lusting after no one.

In other words, it is indeed possible to live happily without homosexual expression, and indeed, even without any overt sexual expression at all.

What we need to do, if this is what we have chosen and we really want it to work, is really really really trust God for the strength to do it (my favorite verses about that: Isaiah 40:28-31, also Matthew 11:28-31), and view any awareness of desires as simply a signal of the need to make choices - and nothing more than that, none of that condemnation stuff - and be grateful that we have been made aware (rather than having that unpleasant surprise 20 years down the road and wondering how the **** it all happened).

And of course it helps to do such things as avoid tempting situations and make sure we keep good company.

But most of all, remember the teaching from Colossians 3:5 - that lust has ultimately nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with greed, which is idolatry. So that to avoid lust, we need to occupy ourselves with worshiping not idols, but God. We need to

offer our bodies to Him (Romans 12:1, also the rest of those verses in 1 Corinthians 6, up to the end of the chapter), and

occupy ourselves with glorifying and giving thanks to Him (Romans 1:21 gives a sort of negative example of what happens if we don't do that).

3. To my mind, the strongest argument in favor of not engaging in homosexual activity has nothing to do with it necessarily being idolatrous or lustful, but in the manner that Jesus apparently expects us to interpret Genesis 2:24, which He clearly uses as His 'definition of marriage' in Matthew 19:3-10.

I see Him giving us much more than just a teaching on marriage and divorce here. It appears He is also giving us a principle on which to base our decisions, namely that 'This is what God intended from the beginning.' And if we look at that verse in Genesis, it looks like the pattern established there is:

a) the relationship is to be permanent and each is to be the most important to the other (even more important than Mom and Dad),

b) there should be only two persons involved (not, for example, three or four or five!), and

c) those two parties are described as 'a man and his wife' - i.e. of opposite sexes.

So much for Matthew 19:3-6. What about the next two verses (7and 8), which deal with the question of 'that's very nice, except I'm already divorced, what do I do now?'? Though there is obviously no direct equivalent between the situation of divorce because of adultery and the situation of homosexuality, I would view the answer to that question as that we should wait for God to give us what we need to be able to be married if that is our calling.

And I do believe that the last two verses of that passage, 9 and 10, deal with the third question that could arise, namely, what if the implications of the above teaching are that marriage is 'not for me'? And it appears that the solution Jesus advocates in such a situation is indeed celibacy.

So you know, I'm 42 and still living celibate. Sure, I have a special someone that I like to spend time with, but our relationship is so platonic it's not even funny. And I'm fine with that - it feels really good and beautiful to love everyone pretty much the same...

But ultimately, when all is said and done, you need to get with God and digest all of this, consider the strong and weak points of the different views, and pray about what He expects from you personally. It is really really important for your conscience to not only decide on a course of action, but know why you are doing it.

May He bless you richly; may you know His love that surpasses all understanding (Ephesians 3:16-19)

Answer 2

the only thing i can say 2 u is because u r different u will hv 2 fight for yourself.......
this society gives no place to gay ppl or nerds or fat ppl........y does every 1 have 2 b d same????
i cannot understand this
but i have a lot of gay friends and as far as gay women are concerned i think they hide their preference far more than gay men ......they are usually very independent and
'tomboyish' some of them dont really wear make up
but all i am saying here is only what i ve seen till now......i mean there could be gay women who like too dress up n stuff.......there isnt really a "code" to find out
and for all d ppl who r mean 2 u.......tell em to shut d **** up......u r d way u r n u deserve 2 b treated well.......i mean most of em might not be actually against gays but only jealous of all the attention u get
so love yourself n don t let others put u down.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, there is a lack of homosexual people. That makes it hard. And I think the most honest advice I can really give you is to tell you that you might just have to wait untill you meet someone who you think is a lesbian or bi. Otherwise, take your chances. Think about what you have to loose and is it worth it to you?

Answer 4

Talk