My mom is needy?

Question

Since I have returned home from graduating college, I have noticed that my mom is becoming extremely needy and wants me to do a lot. I cook every meal, I clean, I pay her bills, I deposit money into her account, I do the grocery shopping, I drive her around. In addition, she expects me to be around 24/7. I recently planned to spend the day hanging out with a friend in a different city and she starts assigning a million things for me to do without even asking me if I have plans. She's not at all bitchy with her demands and I feel guilty saying no because she gave birth to me!

Also, she is married to my father and has a job. I understand that she is older and tired, but she managed to get these things done while I was gone.

Does anyone have any advice? Or are you in a similar situation? Please HELP!!!

Answer 1

You should sit down and talk to your mother about the situation. Let her know how it makes you feel, and tell her that you don't mind helping her out, but also let her know that you need time for yourself as well. If you are living at home, it is understandable that she would expect some help from you with cooking, cleaning, and some bills. BUT...she should not expect for you to do it all. I went home for a year while my husband was overseas (active duty military), and my mother was the same way. I think it is her way of trying to keep you around, by making you believe that she is totally dependent on you. If you are living with your parents, maybe you should consider renting a small apartment close by, so that you can still be close to them and help your mom out, but you can also have your independence. My mother did the exact same thing, and she was diagnosed with clinical depression recently. I suggest looking for signs of it in your own mother. Not that I am saying that is the problem with her, but I am speaking from my own experience. I hope this helps some. Whatever you do, though, talk to her like an adult. Don't let your anger or frustration show. Talk civilly, no matter how aggravated you may get. Don't let it ruin your relationship with your mother. I wish you luck with your situation, and hope you are able to work it out.

Answer 2

I have a 16 almost 17 year old daughter. My mom is probably dying of colon cancer. I tell you this because I'm exactly where you are and where your mom is.
From your mothers perspective:
I do want to cling to my daughter because I know that once she goes to college, she will probably be off... on her own, never needing me again. She's smart and capable and her wings are very strong, she WILL soar with the eagles. (not the band)
From your perspective:
I have a life of my own, I don't want to be tied down, but I know my mother will forever appreciate that I am there for her, always. And in 10 years or more, I will appreciate this time I share with her and GLAD and HAPPY that I was able to help her in her time of need.
I understand, your mother may not have cancer, thank GOD for that. I hope you and your family don't have to suffer from this. But it does make me open my eyes about how I SHOULD HAVE always appreciated my mom for helping me and being there when I needed her. And if helping her around the house and paying this or that is going to help, then do it. She didn't just give birth to you. She raised you to be the person you are today. You've graduated college. You've become a responsible person. You have to ask, who do you owe this to? Your friends? Or your parents?

Answer 3

Well that's a mom for ya,!!! LOL sorry i mean if you are feeling overwhelmed talk to her and ask her what is going on she may just be lonely??? I mean moms have the tendency to have separation issues and maybe now that your back she does not want you to leave in any aspect just tell her that you fell that you have no time for yourself and communicate with her maybe she will understand you said she was not bitchy so maybe she will understand GOOD LUCK HUN!!!!

Answer 4

Its Good to be a Nice sweet daughter Its another to be a MAID. If your tired of your mothers endless task. When she mentions one you don't wanna do you can simply say Maybe later I'd rather spend time with you right now or you can politely say Mom I'd truely Love to BUT, I have other plans maybe next time LOVE YAH and go on with your plans.

Answer 5

Well, I dunno about mom, she kind of sounds like she is needy for right now. I would tell her in my own special way...mom I have a lot of things to do. I don't mind helping out whenever I can but some of these things maybe dad can do. However you decide to tell her...You have got to stick to it...don't start feeling guilty and keep giving in.

Answer 6

It's time for you to be an ADULT, and talk to your mom about this. She, by the way, is also an ADULT, and would probably appreciate the communication.

I won't assume to know why she is doing this; a number of possibilities pop into my mind. But the best thing would be to talk to her about it. Openly, honestly, and like adults.

Answer 7

mabey she thinks that having you do these things for her keeps you close. she probably just misses having you around and thats the only way she knows how.im sure she did all these things for you as you were growing up.
just tell her your going to be doing stuff on your own in advance.

Answer 8

she's not needy...she is crying out that she is afraid of losing you, if you are doing things there then you won't go anywhere...she probably had a hard time facing you being gone during college and shes afraid of losing you again

Answer 9

It could be that she just missed you. I also have been in situations where I had to back off, because the more I did , the more they expected.

Answer 10

I would say it's time to move out on your own, so you won't have that problem anymore.