Am i a bad person?

Question

I was talking to friend and i told him i dont like to be around disabled or retarded people especially whe they are eating, dont get me wrong i feel sorry for them and have nothing against them in all honesty i think of then as innocent angels, but i get really turned off and sick watching them dribble and eat, my friend told me i was being mean and this is wrong of me, what do you think?

Answer 1

You're not a bad person. You simply have little contact with those who are retarded...I can say that as I have a younger brother who is permanently four. I understand (having worked in a nursing home) that the old, the sick and the disabled can be messy. Our eyes see them as full-grown adults yet we know they're not. They are indeed, innocent. Try thinking of them as you would a baby when they eat. An infant also drools and spits out food. These disabled people are as innocent as that baby. You're not bad, my dear child. Just try again.

Answer 2

No you're not bad, you're just being honest. I think most people have felt that way at one time or another. It's sort of like the way we fear the unknown. I think we look at people with disabilities and become scared and feel as if we couldn't handle it if it were us. But over time you begin to understand that there are all sorts of disabilities; some obvious, some not so obvious. What do you do to comfort or entertain yourself when you are alone? Whats the most disgusting thing that you eat and would never give up eating? We all have disabilities. Hemingway said that life breaks us all and the key is learning to be strong in the broken places.

My roommates brother is 31 years old next week and is developmentally disabled (that's p c for retarded). He lives with us and is fairly high functioning. He reads and writes dresses and feeds himself. He can grab a t.v. dinner and microwave it. He has an uncanny sense of direction. But on the other hand he doesn't understand the concepts of math and numbers. He'll say that he was up all night, when in actuality he went to the bathroom and was up for maybe 15 minutes. He's our angel and we love him. But at the same time, he picks his nose and eats what he finds (sorry, that was kind of gross). And his temper can get out of hand sometimes. But we wouldn't want him to live anywhere else.

Answer 3

It's not wrong to not like to watch someone eat, but it is wrong to make a judement about them (you used words implying they are disgusting) because of the way they eat. Obviously, eating is a difficult task for some, especially those who are mentally or physically handicapped. You may want to think about some of the things that you do yourself that may appear nauseating to others. Would you want them to react toward you the way you seem to react to the handicapped? If you really think they are "innocent angels" then you should be able to look past the behaviors/ challenges that they face and see the human beings underneath that need compassion, respect, and love just like any other person. Furthermore, the fact that you say you "feel sorry for them" implies you are looking down upon them as if they are some lesser form of life. You know, hopefully, what is right and wrong and in the end what is right is to treat all people as you would want to be treated. See them and see your own foilables, you, I, and everyone else are all imperfect in some way.

Answer 4

I wouldn't say mean but it is insensitive of you and really shows that deep down, you are prejudiced against them. BTW, don't "feel sorry" for them...they don't want your pity. They just want to be treated like everyone else. You are lucky that you are blessed enough not to be disabled or retarded so don't look down on those less fortunate..that is very condescending. Instead, enjoy the things that they can do for themselves...even if they can't do them to your standards. They may dribble but they are eating on their own...something you take for granted.

Remember, what goes around comes around. Life can be cruel...you could have an accident that could leave you paralyzed, mentally incapacitated, etc. Or, as you get older, you could develop alzheimers and suffer from dribbling and worse. You just need to put it all in perspective.

Answer 5

It isn't being mean; it is probably more truthful than most. This is a normal human fear. Many people are very uncomfortable around the disabled, especially in a social context. It is often a mixture of embarrassment for the person and fear of the unknown; even unconscious fear that it could happen to you. That you are concerned about whether you are a bad person shows you are not all bad. As you mature, you will probablly learn that outward appearance makes little difference to the heart and soul of the human being who bears the disability.

Answer 6

They aren't called retarded anymore, they are challenged. You are not being mean, you are being honest. You need to understand, though, these people are doing their best. They would rather not be messy or sloppy and have people stare at them. They did not choose to be this way. So, please don't stare at them. It is more polite to not look at them than to look totally disgusted, which is a look that actually hurts. I have an ex-husband, that I couldn't be around when he started coughing. He smoked 3 pks a day, and when he started his coughing fits, I thought he was gonna puke. I'd get dry heaves, and sometimes, I'd barely make it to the bathroom before I threw up. Now, tell me, do you think I was being mean? Well, I don't think you are being mean either. Honey, if you live in America, you still have the freedom of speech!

Answer 7

Well, biscuithead, that's one of those things in life that we just come to accept. Think of the wonderful work nurses do with dribbling older people (maybe your grandparents or parents, or yes, even you, some day).

Many tremendously brave and courageous people with disabilities fighting through it every day, trying to lead lives as normal as possible. It's not always as pretty as we'd like, but boy, they sure have my admiration.

And but for the grace of God it could be me. Or my sister. So when I'm turned off I try to reflect. And smile. And be gracious. And deal with it in a way that I'm proud of.

Answer 8

Does it make you a bad person? No.
Now if the fact that you feel this way bothers you or makes you feel guilty then you might be able to do things to some how learn to be more compasionate.
Lots of people are turned off by really normal things, like babies. I have friends that hate babies, even more so they dont like todlers..... and kids are so innocent and cute to me :) but i would never tell them they were a bad person for feeling that way.

Answer 9

No, you're not a bad person for feeling that way. If there was a retarded old person who needed your help and you refused that would make you a bad person. Watching people dribble on themselves isn't fun for everybody, though.

P.S. I know that dude put you under 22, but I'll do one better and say 17. :-)

Answer 10

I have worked with MRDD people for several years. Most people aren't comfortable around that population. Why should you be any different? No.....you are not a bad person for that. Perhaps you could volunteer for your county board of MRDD. They are always having field trips and outings. A lot of these kids have great personalities and can be rather fun to be around. Of course there is the gross stuff too, but they have care workers to handle that. Check in to it.