This is also for GiGi...should you overlook your mother-in-law snooping through your belongings?

Question

I responded to a question about annoying mother-in-laws. One of the things I talked about was how mine snooped through our belongings. She also questions our fianances and has pulled food I have thrown out...stating it's not bad. Perhaps if I borrowed money from this woman I could understand her questions. But, opening someones mail, snooping and rumaging through your trash is wrong...I don't care who you are. Anyway, GiGi who also answered this question sent me a nasty email stating that I was shallow and should be patient with my mother-in-law. She also stated she will probably be the same way when her son marries...heaven help her son and future daughter-in-law. My question is ...would you tolerate someone doing any of the above??? I would if I was dealing with a mentally ill person. Not in this case.

We do not live with her. She pops in whenever she feels like it. She stays a few days to see her grandchildren. We have tried talking to her but it does not sink in. I do try to respect the fact that she is my husband's mother...without her, my husband would not have been born.

Answer 1

Oh. Hell. No.

Look, if you are old enough to get married, your old enough to decide if the chicken is still good. Besides, its your home. You have every right to sit her down and say "I need space. This is my home, and we are married. You need to step back."

Dont be ugly, but be firm. You are a grown woman! And by the way... WHY ISNT YOUR HUSBAND STEPPING UP?

Answer 2

Actually, a mother-in-law that does all you mentioned above does have a mental problem. That is not normal by any stretch of the definition. The very first time it happened the husband and wife should have made a united in confronting her about her behavior. Rules should have been set with consequences clearly defined if they were violated.

Answer 3

What your mother-in-law is doing is very unacceptable. She has no right to snoop into your belongings without your permission. I understand that you want to respect her, but her going into your private things is no respect. If I were you, I would sit down with her and your husband to reasonably tell her that you do not appriciate any of the things she do as in going through your private belongings. I don't think you are shallow, and if I were to be in your position, I would immediately let her know that you do not appriciate her or anybody going through your family's belongings without your permission. Also, this is your house isn't it? Why are you letting her in if you don't like it? It might make you rude, but its your property and I wouldn't appriciate anybody just coming and going without letting me know.

Answer 4

Absolutely not! People who overstep their boundaries to intrude upon yours are not only rude, but self centered.
Personally, I would put a few mouse traps in my drawers.
Once, when my stepmom used to snoop in my letters and diary, I finally got fed up and wrote about this bogus "surprise birthday party" for her. I found it quite amusing when she got herself ready for this bogus party, but wasn't able to ask why it wasn't happening, without admitting to snooping.
I also had a landlady years ago who my room mate and I new was snooping through our stuff when we were at work. Our neighbors informed us that she was going into our apt. while we were gone.
One day I decided to stay home, and was real quiet, so that it would appear no one was home. When I heard her key in the door, I ran and hid in the closet in my bedroom. Sure enough, she was rooting through my drawers in no time flat. I jumped out of the closet screaming at the top of my lungs, scaring the crap out of her. She ran out of the apt. and down the stairs.
Of course, we moved shortly after that, but I did feel like I might have made her think twice before doing that to someone else.

Answer 5

well i think whoever sent you the email was wrong.. i do not think anyone has the right to be snooping in your things.. especially your mother-in-law...you will get different of opinions on about all the questions.. but i cannot believe someone thought you should be more patient with someone snooping through your things...

Answer 6

You are not wrong, this is unacceptable. Where is your husband; shouldn't he be reining his Mom in? When I got married, my mother-in-law told me that when she brought up her kids, her rule was law, and she was feared. Now that she had a daughter-in-law, she wanted to be loved. And she is. When my husband & I had problems, she stayed out of it, but when I asked for help, she was ready to give it. If I ever (hopefully) have daughters in law, I'm going to follow her example. Your husband really HAS to step up to the plate for you, and make his Mom back down. This is his job, not yours, if he ever wants peace in his family.

Answer 7

So what if she is the mother of your husband. She should respect you and your schedules. How can she just drop by anytime she wants. She should come only when you are free to entertain her and have her around. Does she think that your house is her house? That she can walk in anytime she wants to? NO WAY!!!!!

Answer 8

whatever happens to privacy, i know some M-I-L can be really hard to deal with, even my own mom who I really loves always accidentally opens our mails, esp. bank statements but I told her that I didnt like it and ever since then it never happened again also it helped that i have paperless bills and bank statements...i just check them online...

Answer 9

maybe you and your husband should sit down and talk with your mother in law. and try to reason out why she do such things.

Answer 10

do you live with her? how does she have so much access to your belongings? and what does your husband have to say if thats his mother?
wow- more power to you sis!