How can i make myself more witty, and funny to be around?

Question

not literally speaking, just enjoyable to be around. i am always too serious. do you know any good jokes?? Not like the lame ones, like knock knock ones. like you are in a senario and you whisper to your friends something that makes them giggle. and please don't give me that talk about u are good the way u are, people enjoy you for being you. i don't want someone telling me that, when i have to start the year off like that. last year people thought of me as that know-it-all smart geeky girl with zits. i wanna start my next year off, and be enjoyable. so please give me some senarios, and some funny little jokes! Please?? nothing inappropiate, like guys make fun of a girl some way, like sarcastic funny remarks to tell my other friends, and yes i am a girl. Even if i meet a cute guy, i won't know what to say, so please help!! I AM SO DESPERATE!

Answer 1

Stand on your head, when the sh.it hits your mouth, it's gonna be real funny.

To be witty, just read some of the Q's and answers on Y'Answers

All the best, hope you don't bust a gasket upside down!
st

Answer 2

Being the "funny person" is easy. The key is listening. When you listen to people and what they have to say, you simply play off of that.

My advice: Just relax and don't try to be funny. The worse thing is when someone tries too hard to be funny. Just listen to what people are saying. Use personal experience to relate to people. Be a little more exaggerated then other. Not dramatic but just a little more out there so you stand out. If you fade into the background people might hear you, but they won't listen. For example: If you're talking to someone about how much they hate Nascar.... something funny to say could be as simple as ... yea I ran around in 500 circles and no one paid to come see me (ok.. that wasn't really funny..but you get the idea.. I don't like Nascar).. Talk about what interests people. And most of all... have fun! If you're having fun, it will come through!

My funny isn't everyone else's funny. I am a sarcastic and goofy funny. Not everyone knows how to be sarcastic in the right way. And it's not something one can teach over the Internet. But if you want me to try contact me!

Best Wishes!

Answer 3

One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you!" He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!" He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?" The parrot answers "Yes I did." So the burglar asks, "What's your name?" The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' Sic him Jesus! Sic Him! "

Answer 4

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a
bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of
the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her
into the president's office.

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to
deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag
onto his desk. The president was, of course, curious as to how she
came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're
carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old
lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old
woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls
are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You
can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would
you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet
$25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then
said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring
my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!"
replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and
spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning
from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out
until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were
square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10 am, the little old lady
appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced
the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the
president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet
again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all
see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at
his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said
the president,"$ 25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be
absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his
head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the
hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I
bet him $50,000 that at 10 am today, I'd have the president of the
Bank of Canada's balls in my hand."



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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

__._,_.___


A doctor was having an affair with his nurse.
Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant.

Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and
asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?"she asked. He
replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back.
I'll take care of expenses."

Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to
Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at
the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in
the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to
you". Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard,
fell to the floor with a heart attack.

Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to
comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac
arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read, "Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Suspecting her husband of infidelity, the woman attempted to put an
end to it by arousing his jealousy.

"What would you say if I told you that I've been sleeping with your
best friend?" she asked provocatively.

"Well," he mused, "I'd have to say that you're a lesbian!"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six
double vodkas."

The barman says "Wow!, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same
drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the
answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay
too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six
double vodkas.

The bartender says "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like
women?".

"Yeah, my wife..."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

heh heh heh... ;-)



__._,_.___




Subject: Business deal
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else...
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll give you a $1000 dollars if you let me have sex you"....but the girl said NO.
Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said "Ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.. ....
Still recovering from her experience, she panted "The bastard used coins!!"
Management Lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed