Can this work?

Question

When me and my bf fight, he always brings up that I had a different life. My parents were always there for me, even thouh they don't have a lot of many they are paynig for my college, bought me a car, and are basically a loving parents. On the other hand, my bf parents, never paid for his school (he had to quit) never helped him get a car, he always had to provide for himself, they look cold and never gave him any love. In return, my bf always took care of himself. He moved out and now works two jobs.When we fight he tells me that I'm a daddy's girl and I don't know what life is about. I'm 21 and he tells me I'm a child for still living with my parents. My opinion is that finishing college is my top priority and I can;t afford moving out by working part time. What do you think about our relationship. How can we make this work? How can I make him stop treating my like a child.

Answer 1

It can work if people come from different backgrounds and families. But it cannot work if this fact bothers one of the people in the relationship. He is jealous of the love your parents give you...and it is very unfortunate that he has not been given the same opportunities. This does not give him the right to hold this against you. You do not have to feel guilty just because your parents care about you and help you while his don't.
You can tell him that it is not fair that some people have families like you do, and some people have families like he does...but it is also not fair for him to give you a hard time about it. If he can't get past this then it cannot work.

Answer 2

First of all he needs to understand that it is not your fault that he doesn't have parents that are there for him. So sit him down and tell him that just because you have parents that show you love doesn't mean you haven't experienced the "real world". He needs to also know that when you two fight... the last thing that needs to come up is who was more taken care of as a child. Tell him that you both have different priorities and that for you, college is your main one. he needs to respect you and your goals and if he can't do that just because he had to buy his own car and you didn't then he is not worth it. find a guy that is worth your time.

Answer 3

I commend you on that, college should be a top priority for many people. I got married at 21 and did not graduate until 5 years later.... If I had only waited one year I would've graduated way earlier. It's so much easier to deal with school work when you are at home with parents, no cooking, cleaning, laundry,and whatever comes with living on your own, besides all the cost to it.... take your time and enjoy the school life too... I miss it very much, althought I do plan to go back and get my masters when my kids get to understand what homework and thesis mean !!! :)

Answer 4

Both of you must be able to say what each of you feel. Also you both must actually listen to what the other is saying. There may be some truth to what he is saying about you. However he does not have to beat you over the head with it and try and make you feel bad because of your good fortune. His bitterness toward his parents absolutely should not be aimed at you. Nor his possible jealously toward your admirable position..
You both have to realize that a "love" is suppose to be a caring friendship dedicated toward enjoying each other and not constant criticisms and making issues of your weaker points. Instead you should be stepping in with understanding, providing strength and encouraging togetherness.

If you can strive to communicate to that level you have a chance. If not, it will get worst and more pain will come.

Good luck!

Answer 5

It is tough to reconcile two different worlds. You don't understand the stress he is going through and he has no clue of the privileges you have had and how hard it was for your parents to earn them.

Your top priority is correct. Finish your schooling. Do not work if you do not have to. Go for the grades. They will pay off.

I do not know how you can make the relationship work until you both experience each others lives (and I don't know you ever will, sorry)

Answer 6

people stop treating you like a child when you stop letting them. Mommy and daddy bought you a bunch of stuff. Mommy and daddy are treating you like a child everytime they buy you stuff. That's not very grown up.

when you start making your own headway in the world, that's when people will stop treating you like a child. Your grandparents don't pay for your parents home, do they? Start working for the things you want. No one can do this alone. Everyone needs help sometimes. But no one needs help when it's being done for them.

Answer 7

He has serious issues, just love him and if that don't work let him knock u up
J/K Start doing more for yourself. I'm 21 also, but I had to grow up fast. It is always good to have a family that supports you. He needs to stop being jealous. Handle your priorities, and if he still acts that way E mail me. I have a bro who just came out of a relationship. He's 23, Indian, GQ no joke

Answer 8

I am in the same boat as your bf. You need to do things for yourself. not have things HANDED to you on a silver platter. As for living at home at 21, since you have not moved out yet you will prolly live with them till you're 30, all b/c you can't do anything for yourself. Move out and finish school. if you can't finish then wait like everyone else

Answer 9

He should not be angry with you because you came from a different background. You are blessed to have a loving home, and you do not have to apologize to anyone for that. Your boyfriend has issues about his lack of a loving family structure, which unfortunately many young people share. He needs to take pride in his accomplishments despite the odds against him. He sounds emotionally immature. Do not let him "punish" you or make you feel guilty for your situation in life. You cannot make him do anything...he needs to deal with himself.

Answer 10

tell him that its not the hand hes been dealt is not your fault and that your life is what god has made it...also, suggest to him that he can get a degree alot easier from an online university, tell him to check it out, usually he can get loans to cover everything and will not have to pay until 5 or 10 years after he graduates............futhermore, fighting is not good and you two obviously aint grown enough to have an adult relationship and talk, rather then arguing, and if he throws crap like that in your face then he prolly really dont give a crap about you...and so you should prolly just call it quits.....you dont need to be stressed while trying to focus on your studies.....take it from me, i know cus i know that college work it stressfull enough without a bunch of crap from your boyfriend!