Why don't men stick around and raise their kids?

Question

I'm 16 years old and I have never met my father but I finally tracked him down and his mother said that he just got married and he didn't want to speak to me because he never told his new wife that he had kids. What up with that?

Answer 1

The quick and dirty of this scenario is that not all men are cut out to be fathers or they never had good role models or they were never held accountable for their actions....so they figure they can leave whatever they don't want to face behind.

I am so sorry to hear that you never got to meet your father. Sometime's that's not a bad thing.....hear me out before you flip to the next answer. It's like this: if he doesn't acknowledge you then he doesn't have admit to anyone (including himself) that he didn't do right by you. As well, as children (and I'm not saying you're a child....but everyone of us is still someone's kid, right?) we all have these little pedestals that we put our parents on in one way or another. What if your father didn't turn out to be what you expected? Wouldn't that just set you for a loop?

Here's what I suggest you do: it sounds like you've just met your grandmother as well, right? Why don't you spend the next few years getting to know her and developing a relationship? It will give you insight into your father's life and further down the road your father will be either sick of hearing from his mother about how "Annabelle this and Annabelle that" (couldn't think of a decent name tonight!) that he may get up the courage and actually seek you out.

So patience my dear.....you need time to mature and understand where he's coming from (not that there's any excuse for what he's done) and he needs time to grow up (see the difference? you're going to mature but he still has to grow up! ha ha ha)

Best of luck to you...and just remember: although there are plenty of men who would do the same as your father did, there are still plenty more that know the meaning of committment. It's just up to you to be able figure out which is which when the time comes.

Answer 2

I feel your pain dear, I am 21 and I have never met my father, I have so much information on him and a picture of him, but I have never physically seen him. His family wants nothing to do with me, and I cannot understand that. I do not want anything from them, I just want to know who they are and that if I die and do not have any children that I will be able to pass somethings on to them, like my finances for example. I know that I have two older brothers out there and I am still looking for them, I was told that when I was 16 that my father died, so I truly know where you are coming from. If it makes you feel any better, there are many children who are going through the same thing that you are going through and it is not any of your fault that your father is an idiot and cannot see you for the good person that you are. I have some advice for you and you can choose whether or not you want to take it, be yourself, go to school, get a diploma and a college degree, and become a better person than your parents are. That is what I am doing. Prove your family and your parents wrong. Prove to yourself and to them that even though your father was not around, you will be and are a good person. It does not matter how you got here or who your parents are, what matters is that you do what is true to you and listen to yourself. Be happy that you were born. You have much to live for. Everyone does. This world is full of things to experience and do.

Answer 3

Some men don't stick around because the mother of the child is way too difficult to deal with and makes it impossible for him to be there for the child. Some men are scared. There are a million possible reasons. My sister went through this, her biological dad didn't have anything to do with her and never told his wife that he got my mom prego while he was married to her, he has a daughter the same age as my sister and never told them about her. Now that she found him, he has passed away and she now knows her sister and has a relationship with her. Sorry about your situation, pray and God will take care of you. In the mean time don't worry about him too much, just focus your energies on something more important like the rest of your family, your friends, school, work, hobbies, and move on if you have to. Lots of luck!

Answer 4

Men do stick around and raise their children.It is the boys masquerading as men who leave at the first sign of responsibility.It is not only single guys who run away ,married guys do too.. It is too bad your father has chosen to walk away again but that is a reality you cannot control.Try to focus on the positives in your life. Your mother has been there for you all these years and it probably broke her heart too to have him turn his back on you again.Someday you will come to accept this situation.Talk to your mom about your feelings , she's there for you.

Answer 5

This man has never once shown an interest in your life and you're concerned that he doesn't want to now?
I myself grew up in a similar situation, there were some minor differences although the end result is essentially the same.

The difference between us is that you appear to be upset about it. Why would you want this person in your life now?
As far as I am concerned it would be far too late to for my own biological father to express an interest now even if he were inclined to do so.
If you give some thought to it you will find that this man would only complicate your life anyway.

You should want even less to do with this man than he does you.

Answer 6

I'm sorry that this has happened to you . But not all men are like that. Are you sure that the mother even told her son about your talk with her. Maybe she didn't like your mother and made him leave . she could be making it all up.Why don't you ask her if see would like to meet you and get to know you. If she don't want to. maybe she didn't say anything to Him. If what she says is right then maybe you need to find his wife and tell her about him being your dad.Or have your mom get child support that will fix him.
LOL. well

Answer 7

It so completely sucks that your dad turned out to be so cold that he doesn't want to meet his own daughter.
I'd say I'm sorry but trust me when I tell you that you're better off and deserve much better than anything that he'd have to offer you!

Just try to remember that not all men are like that.
Plus what goes around, comes around. You deserve a father in your life and when he'll need a daughter, he won't have one. That'll be the day he'll regret not getting to know you.

Answer 8

A lot of times, men really aren't strong enough, and they don't realize all the struggles and challenges of parenthood. While it may seem as though it;s rides to school and such, it's really much more, and women and men, often don't realize just what they're getting roped into. Ending with kids put up for adoption, mistreated, and other occurances.

Answer 9

that's time to your husband to locate a activity someplace else. for people who father in law has a quandary with that he can clarify that it is going to be basically precise for the agency as your dh is gaining greater industry insides in distinctive companies. in all probability to return back to the enjoyed ones agency some years down the line. Your father in regulation might almost know your dh for that decision. You men have have been given to have a proceed to exist your guy or woman and likewise you could no longer try this with him putting over you. communicate it over with you dh make a plan and decide for it.

Answer 10

This is for all the women who think that all men are jerks and "deadbeat" so to speak.

Women, don't blame men. It is your own fault. Why do men run away? Because a woman didn't raise her child right. She didn't teach him to be responsible and dignified.

Why do men run away, because a woman didn't choose her own man right. She chose a deadbeat. She had a child with him.

I guess that this will keep on happening as long as mothers don't teach such values to their kids and as long as wives/girlfriends don't choose a decent enough man...as long as women prefer bad guys. Then don't complain when he runs out on you.

So, learn a lesson and make sure to choose a decent enough man for yourself and not go around having sex/children with any old deadbeat and make sure to raise YOUR children properly. Otherwise they will do the same one day.

For now, forget your father. He doesn't even care enough about you to mention you to his wife. He certainly doesn't deserve you. Don't waste yourself after him.