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So, theres this guy who I am extremely attracted to and like very much, but he's got way too much baggage. The problem is that this is the first guy I've met in a long time that I've really felt good around. I've been dating, but I seem to keep comming back to him.

2006-07-21 13:02:58 · 46 answers · asked by music lvr 2 in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

46 answers

Difficult, this is difficult. Continue to date him but don't get "hungup on him".. You stated he has way too much baggage. Remember that if you hook up with him, you hook up with the baggage too.

2006-07-21 13:04:55 · answer #1 · answered by 'Barn 6 · 0 1

Hun, everyone has baggage. It makes us who we are. If you get to know him better you might just find that it has made him a better person. The older you get, the more not dealing with baggage is going to limit your choices and you'll look past really good people. Have an open mind, if you keep coming back to thinking about him then maybe you should give it a try.

2006-07-21 13:07:38 · answer #2 · answered by beautiful disaster 3 · 0 0

Ok. Take it from an older and much wiser woman: LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS. I am 45. I fell in love at 1st site with my ex-husband. We met, hung out for a while, here and there and spent aLOT of time on the phone. He seemed interested bt reluctant to do it himself, so I asked him out a a real date. He stood me up. Fast forward 1 yr.

I was dating every guy that would ask me. I slept with a large number of them but never felt like they were the "one". I was 37. After a yr of this serial dating, I contacted him to see if what I felt (I was in love) was real or just the resesult to "beer-goggles." We talked into the wee hours ands ultimately came to the understanding that we would date and see where it went. That was Labor day; I moved in in Dec after he proposed; we married in March 99. I was pregnant at the beginning of Dec 99 and our son was born Aug of 2000.

Why do I tell you this? The 2 thoughts that competed in my mind and heart were: This man is going to be the father of my child[ren]" AND "this man is TROUBLE. What kind and how bad I don't know." I SHOULD have listened to my head and not my heart.

His baggage is the size of a cargo carrier. He is: bi-polar, manic-depressive; alcoholic, narssicitic, pathological liar, unfaithful, financially irresponsible (file bankruptcy 2x)... All of the psychological stuff was diagnosed by a licensed therapist-the rest was what I experienced.

You are a smart girl if you're trying to keep yourself occupied by dating other guys. If you need to, make a list of his "baggage" and hang it on your mirror and read it every morning. If you don't, you will end up like me; divorced with sole custody of your only child, andd active 6 yr old boy, living in an apartment at the age of 45 because your credit was wrecked so badly by the ex, that it will be YEARS before you can see the light at the end of the tunnel of repair on your credit.

Would I do things differently if I knew that he would screw my life up so badly? Maybe. The only thing that stops me from saying "yes" is my son. He's too beautiful, funny, loving, caring and intelligent to think that he wouldn't exist. Instead I comfort myself that every possible "good" thing about the ex was deposited into my son and it left him with nothing to draw on.

Keep walking the opposite direction. Years from now, when you've found the REAL man of your dreams and have some babies of you own with him, you'll wonder (if you even remember him) what you could have possibly been thinking. Don't live utteer the words" I should have had the V-8.

Good luck

2006-07-21 13:25:42 · answer #3 · answered by nu_shashita 3 · 0 0

Since you did not explain any of the "baggage" this guy has will it be difficult do give you sound advice. However, there are a few things for yourself:
To begin with, try to ask yourself what he can do for you that you cannot do. Next, go out with your female friends and have a good time. It will give you opportunities to meet new people, possibly someone else whom you could find equally interesting.
Lastly, once you actually meet someone else, DO NOT compare the new one with the one you like. Every individual is different, and the biggest mistake we all like to make is that we do compare one with the other(which will lead us to hang on to the one we had gotten comfortable with!!!). Good luck....

2006-07-21 13:12:29 · answer #4 · answered by What Will The Spill Kill? 6 · 0 0

If he has a lot of baggage forget him. People like that are bad news. Yes people can change. Stay just friends for now. If he shows you he is trying to get rid of the unwanted baggage then perhaps you can become closer. Just give it time and be very careful..

2006-07-21 13:10:08 · answer #5 · answered by BUTCH 5 · 0 0

Go for it, everyone has at least a little baggage it doesn't mean you cant be happy with him, if a little baggage is the only thing that's bothering you about him, don't worry about it, follow your heart, if you don't I'm sure you'll forever be wondering 'What ifs?', life's too short for 'What ifs?' deal with any baggage he has when he and you cross that bridge, if you are both meant to be then it will be and together you'll both sail through whatever baggage there may be. x

2006-07-21 13:11:51 · answer #6 · answered by odette 4 · 0 0

You have to make a committment to yourself that you are going to not act the feelings that keep you coming back to him. Acknowledge that they are there, but realize that you made your decision for a reason, and that if you just wait through a period of time where you WANT to be with him, eventually that feeling will go away and you will be happy that you followed through on your decision. It isn't always the best thing to be with someone just because you have feelings for them. That has what has gotten me into lots of trouble before. Good luck, and stand your ground,..rely on God to help get you through this rough time, and you will come out on the other side happy and understanding why you made your decision in the first place.

2006-07-21 13:06:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

*Sigh* I am so sick of answering this same question. Everyday no fewer than five and no more than twenty middle/high school as this same question. Why not just read the answers, suggestions, and advice people have given those girls, instead of asking it, again? The answers never change - the manner and format of the advice does.

Now, on to find some real questions and to give some real advice to some people that really need.

2006-07-21 13:08:59 · answer #8 · answered by moonguardianluna 3 · 0 0

That's a tough one. I've never been able to get over a love "quickly". I just do stuff to distract myself and make myself feel better:
1. Trip to the salon: mani, pedi, new "do".
2. Shoe shopping
3. Road trip to the casinos
4. Date new guys (date, not bed)

2006-07-21 13:09:22 · answer #9 · answered by . 2 · 0 0

Baggage? like what do u mean about that? i've heard a few dif things about the word so explain and i'll edit the question w/ a real answer ;-)

2006-07-21 13:05:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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