my ex and i used to use heroin. about march 2005, we both got clean. we were both recovered (or so i thought). however, i just found out recently that he is back on heroin and not only that, but he is SHOOTING it, which is something that neither of us had ever done. we have a three year old daughter who he sees less and less everyday (now i know why). when i confronted him, he denied it at first, but soon admitted it. i asked him what he plans on doing with himself. he OF COURSE said that he was gonna quit, to give him two weeks (mind you, these are exact words i used when i got caught by my family, so i know what that means). you just can't stop alone - u need family, good friends, good influences etc. i keep rubbing in the fact that he's such a good-looking guy and so smart and talented and i ask him to look at his daughter, LOOK AT HER hoping something will work. sometimes i also attack, but i think that is worse. please, he is a good friend and my daughter's dad, HELP!!!
2006-07-21 12:25:50 · 21 answers · asked by michelle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You should know by now that no one can help him until he is ready to quit. You need to worry about yourself and your daughter. You can't do anything for anyone if you don't stay clean. If you keep hanging around him or anyone who is using, odds are you'll start using. If you are in NA, you need to be talking to your sponsor. If you aren't in NA, maybe you should consider. If you were using in 2005, that's less than or hardly a year, and that means you're still very early in recovery and are very much at risk of slipping.
2006-07-21 12:34:29 · answer #1 · answered by Bender 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Definitely KNOW where you are coming from. My son (26) is a heroin addict - has been for years but he will do anything he can get his hands on. Does he have a family? I was thinking intervention but that may not work. You've gone through this ---you probably should personally back off. My son stayed clean for a while (long enough to get with this wonderful person and she had a baby - my granddaughter) and fell back into it. You KNOW you can't force him to stop. You KNOW the lies and that it will have to be up to him to stop. The only thing that scares me is if you personally get too involved with the "problem" then the problem may come back to haunt you and you don't want that. My son doesn't see his daughter either -- the drugs are more important. How can that be someone might ask? Well, that is how horrible our drug problem is right now. Heroin will get to you so fast and you are literally physically ill if you can't get it (I've seen it). Good luck with your recovery. I think he's going to have to FALL --- I really do. I'm sorry but I've been looking for answers for years. So, if you do come upon a miracle answer, please email me and let me know, okay?
2006-07-21 12:31:42 · answer #2 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your gonna have to do what you need to do for yourself first,then your daughter.There is no such thing as recovered,you are always recovering 24/7,7 day a week,day by day,hour by hour,minute by minute.Since you already know what the deal is with that give me two weeks thing,Yes he needs all those things you mentioned,but all of that won't mean a thing if he doesn't decide for himself to get help.Then get the help not just talk about it.Telling him to look at her may make him think about it for a while,but it won't last.You should know that from your own experience.As far as you are concerned,you have not been clean that long yourself,so you really have to do your meetings everyday to help keep you clean.Your ex should be just that your ex.If you don't distance yourself and your daughter from him,when he does come around he will try to get you back into the drug life.You've been in it long enough to know that the drug comes first and will do anything,i mean anything to get it.Your daughter is in the middle of all this so that puts her in harms way just by being there.You have to do what's best for you and your little girl.He is a grown man,he made his choice.The only thing you can do for him is pray for him.If you really want to stay clean,you will get your baby and get out of there.and don't make excuses to stay in that house or the relationship.Over half of my adult life wasted because of my decision to do drugs.I have no more time for stupid games,life is to short.Make your choice young lady,I pray that you make the right one.God bless you.p.s. Say your serenity prayer all the time to help keep you focused,as you say it,MEAN IT.Every word,every sentence.
2006-07-21 16:04:25 · answer #3 · answered by Willnotlietoyou 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry for you and your daughter, but sadly as you know, there is not much you can do. You know that by snorting it how addicted you became, well shooting it is even harder to give up. He needs professional help and even that is no guarantee. He has to be the one to want it to stop and very few are able to stop even though they want to. You need to walk away...I know how horrible that sounds, but your daughter doesn't need to witness what will take place with her dad. You are one of the few lucky ones that have walked away from Heroin use. And he will eventually entice you with this demon drug.I have witnessed close friends of mine and an ex boyfriend be destroyed by Heroin use. The people that they once were do not exist any longer. After many tears, many lies and many hurts I have had to walk away from people that I love. I am so sorry for you.
2006-07-21 13:05:58 · answer #4 · answered by Linda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough situation. Was in the same sitch with my daughters father with crystal meth. 2 weeks turned in to 2 months and that turned into 2 years. Sometimes there is hope but if it seem like this isnt going to pass you might just start to worry about you and your daughter and keeping yourself healthy and happy for your girl. Tell him you will be there for him and help him in anyway but dont upset your self over it or compromise your sobriety. Congratulations on your recover and good luck to you.
2006-07-21 12:30:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a clean junkie today. I will allways be a junkie!!! I was using heroin daily
I was on methadone for 9 years. It is NO Anwser.
I do not give advise, but you asked, get yourself Help! I would not stop until I ran out of sh*t.
If you are clean then you can make better choices for your kid.
www.rwoltmann@yahoo dot com.
2006-07-21 12:43:27 · answer #6 · answered by rwoltm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he wants to get back together with you. Do you still like him and would perhaps want to have a relationship with him? He's going to have to make the decision to stop by himself, but maybe it would help to see if that is the reason he starting doing heroin again.
2006-07-21 12:30:07 · answer #7 · answered by jjc92787 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
addiction is a selfish illness, and since you've been there you know that you have to WANT TO stop.. no one can make you want it.. it is something within yourself... start attending NA meetings together, encourage him to sign up with a needle exchange program (they usually can make referrals to a drug treatment program), send him to the hospital for a detox...
remind him of the gains he made while clean... and what he will lose if he continues to use. i suggest that you kick him out if you feel yourself beginning to get weak... you do not want him to mess up your recovery... also to remind you (both) that addiction is a lifelong illness and not using is one day at a time for the rest of your life... people can have 15 years clean and relapse... it is not something you "get over".
remember the need to avoid people, places and things.. associated with your active addiction to maintain abstinence from drug use.
im not sure how the two of you got clean to begin with, but maybe that is the place he needs to go back to and try again...
2006-07-21 12:40:23 · answer #8 · answered by the queen is here 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think you are gonna want to confont him and say hey u have a daughter to worry about and you should stop the drugs so she knows whats ok to do and whats not . You should definately stand by him and try to help him quit this my school has taught me alot about how drugs are bad and you dont want your daughter thinking its okay. Im glad you dont do it any more but you should tell him to see his daughter and maybe that will change him.
2006-07-21 12:30:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the problem with drug addiction is youve got to be cruel to be kind i'm affraid. if he thinks that you and his daughter and other family will still stick arround he wont give up. you have to be firm and make sure you mean it by telling him he has to go to rehab and quit otherwise you and your daughter will be out of his life for good. its the only way. you daughter doesnt want to see a man who is high on drugs and its not safe for her either.
2006-07-21 12:31:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋