These are the new laws of my church.?

Question

1.You can now make out with anyone you wish you well not be judged if you two have sex only between you and your creator well he judge you.

2.You well not be discommunicated if you have sex in my church.

3. You well have activites if you choose to go is your choice.

4. There well be dances in a huge temple made for dancing and no longer for sacrifices of any kind being made there there well be no baptism for the dead.

5. No ones sexuality well be talked about in the church.

6. There well be no gossip in the church or about the members of
the church that can harm them in any way.

7. seventh day is no longer sabbath day any day can be sabbath
you choose which day you want it to be.

8. There well be out reach in the church for people who need jobs.

9. There well be only 5 percent of your tithing.
Tithing well only go towards church.
Anyone breaks these laws and they can be excommunicated
from the church for tithing.

10 Welcome to the New LDS.

too bad its offensive lol good to know im still going to create my own church and i have been planning this for a while and just so i dont have any problems. There well be two druids who well be outside of my church guarding it at night. To fight witch craft is to become witchcraft. The satanic bible well be replaced with the spear of destiny. Two statues of cherubis well be at the entrance of the temple. A waterfall well be in the middle. Mazimum security well be all over the temple just like the mormons have theres. Money is power power is connection triumph is success.

There well also be priest four men who wear black like well be called the black mass. There faces well not be shone.
They well only be shone when they preach the doctrine of love. Midnight services is something i been wanting do for a very long time i think the goths well love it and so well the children who feel there out cast are so welcomed the praise ministry well be metal.

The book of mormon well not stand in this church the spear of destiny well as well as the bible. Hard core bikers from other biker groups well be my special speakers and well speak to the youth about there lifes and there testimony in what has done for them.

thanks jared just so everyone knows if someone says my tithing is going to the church you damn well be sure it is.
I found it is not but going to bishops and i say that is ****. So this is how i look at it make the tithing go down and that way you dont have to worry about the bishop getting rich on you and there fore there well be no bishops but the guys i described and just like the mormons the preist of the church can marry this time lol.

Answer 1

the new lds well be a great way to bring our christian brothers and sisters together for christ amen.

Answer 2

well, i am unfamiliar with the old rules, but the ones you've mentioned seem quite liberal. personally, i prefer an eclectic approach, and gather this and that from any practice/religion that seems to me intuitively to strengthen my connection to "divinity". currently i'm a buddho-shinto-kabbalo-gnostic christo-vedic taoist, more or less. i find that a lot of "internal work" through meditation, tai chi, yoga, reiki, etc. is a big help in making that connection. so, my view would be if LDS has reached a place where you, too, can be eclectic, that would also be a step in the right direction. after all, being allowed to think for yourself is surely a sign of an enlightened religion.

Answer 3

Ok, once again you're a crack smoker and you need to go and see a therapist! The day you are the prophet the day someone will actaully listen to you.

Answer 4

How about an 11th Commandment: "Thou shalt learn correct spelling and grammar"?

Answer 5

Right then, slightly confusing (WILL not WELL). Relatively good suggestions, though, I suppose--I hate religious laws.

Answer 6

You need therapy.

Answer 7

not worth my time to even answer this no brain-er

Answer 8

Oh, I get it now. Let it go, K?

Answer 9

that's offensive