Any single parents out there want to give a newly single mum abit of advice?

Question

Everything is so new to me at the moment my head is in the shed.Anyone got any advice on how you pick yourself up and move on with your life?

Get myself a man is really not what I was looking for thanks all the same,I mean REAL advice like how to help my 2 year old understand,and how to cope with the ex when he comes for access visits etc...

Answer 1

Spend time with your children and enjoy it. Don't slam your ex to them. Save that for your girlfriends. ALSO...get a sitter or at least wait 'til your kid(s) go to sleep and take some time for yourself. Even if that means sitting in the middle of your unswept kitchen floor and blubbering. Don't clean, don't look at bills, don't try to figure anything out, just blubber to your hearts content and know that you deserve to. I mean that you need to give yourself that period of time to focus on de-stressing. You absolutely have to keep your head when you're with your kids for their sake so take THAT time when are able SO that negativity does not permeate your entire day. You will be able to move on a little at a time and before you know it, you will no longer need that time to cry, you'll be able to look back and be really proud of the job you've done. It's hard at the start I know but you will do it because you and your kids are worth it. My husband left me with a 13 month old and 6 months pregnant, homeless, living at the dog kennel where I worked making 45.00 a week. My boys are 20 and 21 now, well adjusted fantastic men that I can be proud of. You will make it, just look at things one thing at a time. The big picture is overwhelming so don't allow it to be. AND to add to an already windy response. Your son is 2. Kids are incredibly resilient. You don't need to explain much. If he asks, answer him. Whatever the question is, just keep it simple enough for him to understand. Daddy is coming to visit with you. You are going to go with Daddy for a while to have some fun. Stuff like that is just fine. You are in pain right now and may be tempted to over explain "Daddy ditched us" won't help either of you. "Where's Daddy?" "He isn't here right now but he will come and see you soon" Eventually he will be old enough to understand the concept of "why". Then you will have to be very diplomatic in how you explain it. Right now, don't sweat it.

Answer 2

Honesty with your two year old...but only enough information that he will understand at this point. It is never easy dealing with a third party but always do what is right and hold your head high, no matter how much it hurts. It appears to me you are really trying to do right by yourself and your child. Moving on is difficult but join support groups, parenting groups, and get to know yourself really really well before moving on with another man. And when you do it takes a minimum of a year to really get to know someone as they really are. Read self-help books, get out and meet other parents with small children. You have to take care of yourself before you can properly take care of your child, so be sure to get professional help, and keeping yourself looking good and in good health will make you feel better in general. Good luck.

Answer 3

I use to be a single mom...I got a few questions to ask you....Was ya'll married? Did he walk out on you? If so, I hope you are getting child support and alimony...See when I was a single mom, it was hard on me, I didn't know anything about a baby and my mom and dad help me until she was 3 months old, then I got married a month after that and got pregnant, so now my oldest is going to be 2 in Oct and my youngest is going to be 1 in Nov. What kind of advice do you want, just im me at afinechic_2000 or email me...I help you out in any way that I can!!! Good Luck and May God Bless you and your family!!!

Answer 4

ok. lets talk. im a single mum of 3 kids. the first stage is getting into a routine. and sorting out your single parent benefits. get every thing you are entitled to houseing etc..itll be a bit tough at first and maybe at times youll want to sit and cry wishing this whole situation didnt happen. after the kids go to bed youll feel a little lonely to..but hey you got a computer to take away this boredom. which is going to be good for you. playing mum and dad is hard work as the kids get older. when they get demanding or want more attention. and you find your self trying to divide your self between different wants and attitudes. youll find your self eventualy going with the flow. and some how and dont ask me how it happens youll cope and learn and believe me you will love it. always be with your children. i love every sec i spend with mine even though it gets frustrating sometimes. my x ran off with a 17yr old girl. i dont recieve any maintenance. clothes. nothing/. and maybe if the children are lucky he comes to see them 1 every 10 weeks. so if you are luckier than me. your x will financialy support you and take the kids at weekends for a few hours for you to rest. just enjoy your time with them. and good luck.

Answer 5

Why are you a single mom? If you are a single mom because the guy dumped you or you had to dump him then just try to remember that he would have not done you or your new child any good if he was around. And count your blessings that you are not dealing with his downing crap! Lean on your mom...a lot! I say this assuming that you have access to or are close to her. When I was pregnant the guy left me hanging. (I guess it was easier for him to just abandon responsibility,) I moved home with my mom and dad. I expressly did not want to do it but I knew I had no choice. I knew I would really need the help. I'm so glad I made that decision.

Answer 6

understand that it will be tough, don't kid yourself into thinking it will be fine all the time -everyone struggles at some point!

i know that seems very negative, but it can be a positive thing too as EVERYONE needs help at some point....

i have been a single mum for nearly two years now (and before that i practically was too as bloke did FA) and i admit i havent always been on top of it all.....but i love my daughter and am muddling along the best we can,

just do the best you can for your kid/s and thats all anyone can ask of you!
but dont forget 'me time' and dont feel guilty about getting a babysitter once in a while as if you're less stressed and happy, they will be too!!

enjoy it :)


ps and get money off the father!!

Answer 7

I'm 28 and single parent to a 3 year old son. Raising a child single handedly is difficult but not impossible. Whatever negative situation you may be going through, know that it does get better. Being a mother is a great gift. Enjoy it.

Answer 8

Well you first need to think of your child. He should be the most important thing in your life, but make sure to designate at least one night a week to yourself. Don't be afraid to ask friends and family for help. And realize very soon that you don't need a man to survive. Be independent and take care of yourself and the baby. In the long run your child will remember and be ever so grateful for your strength.

Answer 9

i agree with justme....you need 'self time'. not easy to find at times but it is a must. i was luck..i had 3 kids, 13, 11 and 5 who after the initial shock of daddy not being about came good. don't think I'd have managed otherwise. i had good friends to (needless to say most of them hated my husband almost as much as me!)
i wish you good luck for the future..there is life out there..i know. within 9 months i had a new man in my life and he is dad now and has been for 8 years.

Answer 10

It took my friends 6 months to get me to finally go out with them. I wasn't depressed but I wasn't sure I was ready....I ended up having a great time and men were coming up to me and asking me to dance ( which I hadn't done in years) and for my number...I felt like a kid all over again. It was nice to be wanted by men again...lol..you need to stop thinking about what happened in the marriage, stop the what if's, stop the I didn't think this would ever happen to us, and stop the blaming game...learn to be a strong independent women, you can do it and your going to have fun at it too!!!! Good luck!