I love my boyfriend so much, but I don't think he gets me. He pays all the bills, now mind you I know some girls will say shut up girl and quit complaining, but I don't really get as much as I'm putting in. He doesn't give me the type of emotional fortitude that I use to get in the begining. He tells me all the time that right now he wants to be selfish. He's 27 and I'm 23 and he feels that he has only 3 years left to do something with his life before he feels like a failure. He says that when he's in a marriage he can give me what I want. I'm being very supportive but inside I feel cheated.
2006-07-21 10:12:55 · 32 answers · asked by Needanswer 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You are being cheated. A man who loves you doesn't tell you that he wants to be selfish. A man who loves you would never put himself first in a relationship. Think about it, what happens when he turns 30, is he suddenly going to change? Doesn't he have goals beyond 30 that he wants to accomplish? So will he then keep being selfish to obtain those goals? Will simply saying "I do" change who he is and how he treats you? This is who he is and if you need more from this relationship and he won't give it to you then you need to move on.
2006-07-21 10:17:41 · answer #1 · answered by rkrell 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Honey CHEATED is an UNDERSTATEMENT to say the least.
Of course U R being cheated. So what he saying is that he did what he had to do to get U and now that he has U he no longer has to put anything into this relationship except $$.
That's STUPID.....Does he NOT know that U can find another man to pay the bills, also one that will give U the attention U crave and most likely deserve????
I think this guy needs an eye opener don't U???
A relationship is give and take. Not just give when U want to and Take the rest of the time.
He has admitted to U that he wants to be selffish right now.OK my advice to U is to let him be selffish ALL he wants...ALL BY HIMSELF.
Seriously think about this, U2 arent married and he wont give U the attention U want now, if he marries U it will ONLY get worse.
Honey if he was going to give U all he could he would be doing that NOW. And everyday after that, not just when it's convient for him.
U've got some Serious thinking to do. I'm not so sure U wouldn't just be better off without this guy. He obviously doesn't care about Ur needs and thinks that as long as the bills R paid that U should just be happy with whatever crap he wants....I DON'T THINK SO.
Stand up for Urself. If U won't no one else will.
U R still SO young and U don't need to waiste anymore time on a man that only thinks about himself and furthering his career.
He should be more worried about his future with U.
Good Luck to ya....I hope it works out.
2006-07-21 10:24:59 · answer #2 · answered by HeartsOnFire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you re read your own question, you will see the answer. The part that struck me the most was "he has only 3 years left to do something with his life before he feels like a failure" does this mean that after he turns 30 he will marry you and he will be a FAILURE????? Yes, you are being cheated. Take the 3 years to do something with YOUR LIFE. In 3 years tell him he can look you up!
2006-07-21 10:22:37 · answer #3 · answered by colbaltanne2002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you should feel a little cheated. What happens when you marry him and he still doesn't give you the emotional stability you need? You should make him aware that while you understand why he feels this way he needs to understand how you feel. Tell him you honestly don't know if you're the kind of girl who can be treated so coldly for 3 years just hoping that one day it will change. Make him aware that you are not being ungrateful and that you love all the support he gives you monetarily but that you truly love him and that you want to know all of him and that means opening up to you as well. That way you don't feel like a hired hand sent to clean the house, do his laundry, feed him and well... feed his other needs as well. You're more than that, you're a person just the same as he is.
2006-07-21 10:18:16 · answer #4 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's basically told you that what he wants and his feelings are more important than your wants or feelings. Do you think you should stay? Once he decides to marry you on his time table, after another 3 years of not being his priority, do you really think this is a man you'd want to marry? Do you think this relationship is a good basis for a marriage? People who say they "need time to be selfish" are always selfish. They don't need time for it, it's just their natural state of being. He's just making an excuse to buy time by making you think it's a temporary condition.
2006-07-21 10:21:46 · answer #5 · answered by mytreacheryiseternal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if he pays all the bills, part of any relationship is being there for each other emotionally as well as physically. At 27 he sound pretty immature to expect you to wait 3 years for him to get through his selfish phase. Maybe you should get a job if you don't already have one. And think about getting your own place.
2006-07-21 10:20:03 · answer #6 · answered by Kali_girl825 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being cheated. He is pretty much saying that he doesn't have to care for you like you are in a relationship until he is 30 or until you guys get married. Yea, he's paying the bills but so what. Get your sh*t together and stop letting him take care of you because if he gets tired of you and meets another woman while he is out being selfish and gets rid of you...you are assed out.
2006-07-21 10:16:40 · answer #7 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good realtionship is 50/50. You can give something into it too. but he sounds very selfish. If the two of you work together for each others happiness thing s will be great. Do not let the relationship be all about him
2006-07-21 10:16:32 · answer #8 · answered by bigblock_475_hp d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men, in general, are not emotional species. I also 'suffer' the same case. I feel that my emotional satisfaction is not equally met by my bf although i get 'other' things that that. I've read a book titled Why men and women behave the way they do and it helped me a lot in understanding how he looks at things. It's really upsetting when you're crying your heart out and he acts indifferently but think that men need to be stronger for women too. He definitely understands the way you feel; it's just that...he's too a MAN to act on it.
2006-07-21 10:23:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a two-way street. If ur gonna be in a relationship u just can't do things like that. If he wants to be selfish he should be selfish by his damn-self. Or maybe u should flip it on him, take away the attention that u give to him that he loves the most.
2006-07-21 10:19:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋