Can parents and a their (adult) children be friends?

Question

I am 33 and I have 3 children and my mom can't understand that I am adult. she critizes everything my husband & I do and she said that a me and her can't be friends because a parent should only give parenting tips and tell them what they do wrong, not to be friends. I know a lot of people that talk to their mom every day and are "friends" so we got into a fight and she left my house and i told her that i don't appreciate being talked to that way and she said that a parent can talk to their child (by the way, i am 33) anyway they want! I disagree. I would never be as mean as she is to me. she doesn't see me a an adult that can make my own choices. she got mad a me because i let my 6 year old chose that she wanted to grow her bangs out! She is mad at me!! why!!

Answer 1

My daughter is 19 and I am 49 and we are best friends. I think it is so important to have that kind of relationship with your child. It is also important to be a "parent", but as a child gets older, the lines of communication need to be kept open between the two of you. I love and cherish the relationship I have with my daughter. I know I can turn to her at anytime for help or advise,a nd she can do the same with me. What better person to have as your best friend than the one you brought into this world!

Answer 2

I am 36 and I have 3 children. My oldest daughter is 22, married and has 3 little boys. Though she does call for advice or help with the boys, I don't interfere in her life. I raised her to be a good person and with good values and morals and now that she is an adult, her choices are her own. I love her and am always there for her, but between the time she was 13 and 19 I think she told me she loved me once, since she's been on her own, she tells me everyday. I hope you are able to work things out with your mom, but keep in mind that some mom's can't let go and think that you need parenting your whole life. Your kids are YOURS, and you have to set the limits of how she interferes. If she isn't willing to back off and let you raise your kids the way you want too, tell her straight. She'll probably be mad for alittle while, but she'll come around. ; )

Answer 3

You're not the only one. I think kids are repulsive, I see them pick their noses, pick at their bits (yeah down there) eat their boogers, eat their scabs. Go to the bathroom then come right out without washing their hands and then grab for an adults hand. *cringe* My niece does things like this all the time. She'll even touch and grab at my food with her nasty little germ infested hands. Her and her 1 year old sisters are even guilty of straight up sneezing on my food. And you can forget about wearing white with babies and kids around... They can get loud and obnoxious. They're cute and can funny sometimes though. My advice? Don't have kids any time soon. Pretty simple. I'm 23 and I don't want kids. My sister in law said she didnt want kids either until she hit 35 and something just clicked. Now she's got 3 bratty little girls who she seems to adore more than anything LOL. Maybe it'll click with you, maybe it wont. It's ok though, nothing wrong with being child free. Think of all the money you'll save!

Answer 4

PArents and their adult children sure can be friends. I think its now old fashioned for parents to always wield the bully stick at their children, especially if they are adults and moreso have their orn homes. All the same, youi need to take it easy with ur mum, realising that shed just being who she is based on her background and upbringing.
We all cant have the kind of parents we desire. And you cat have another mum. So, make the best of her.

Answer 5

She is a control freak thats why. Don't let her run you. You are absolutely right and until she starts respecting you her 'friendship' is something you are better off without. Let her know you won't be putting up with it anymore, tell her clearly and precisely what you don't like and what you do expect and then don't settle for anything less. Tell her that when you feel you need her advice you will ask for it but until then keep it to herself.

Answer 6

Yes it is possible to be friends with our mothers and children with us. But it sounds as if your mother has not allowed herself to see you as an adult and capable of making adult decisions. Perhaps it is the way she was raised, perhaps it is just that she enjoys controlling other peoples lives (yours apparently) or she is just unable to accept that you have a life. I don't know your mother. I only knew mine and she had her moments. But we became friends. Perhaps before she dies she will be able to see you as the adult that you are and the good parent that you have become. One can hope.

Never forget that she is who she is and it has nothing to do with you. It is her baggage and her failures and or successes. Many times our parents try so hard to live their lives through our lives and their grandchildrens'. They want to see that the way that they raised their children is reflected as their children have children. How many times have we said "I don't want to ever be like my Mom / Dad". It is up to us to make that statement true. It is up to you not to engage your mother in unfriendly fire. It is up to you to set the ground rules. If that is not seeing her but once a week, month or year, that will have to be. Our parents are much stronger than we realize. I had to make ground rules to save myself and my children from her demons. It was not easy but it was the right thing. Remember that the right thing to do is always the hardest to do.

Good luck and do whatever it takes to remain true to your self and your parenting skills.

Answer 7

She's a control freak....and she needs to realize you are your own adult, and its your time to raise your kids.... Just talk to her and tell her that she has no right to treat you that way and until she starts treating you with some respect you will not tolerate talking to her. Let her be mad.....

Answer 8

they can, but not always. My mother and I will never see eye to eye. But many of my friends have great relationships with their parents... hanging out and going shopping and really being friends and confidants.

your mother sounds very immature and probably jealous that you have young children, and maybe that you are raising them differently than she raised you...

Answer 9

Yes they can be friends and i feel they should be. If she told you she can talk to her child anyway she wants then you should have I said "I can talk to anyone under my roof how i want!"

Answer 10

You can't change other people who make you unhappy. You can only limit how much you expose yourself to them. She needs to treat you with respect if she wants to be able to see you.