My bf is 46 I am 34. We are gay couple The bf cheated on me, because he felt alone in our 2.5 year relationship. I was working with my depression, and own issues and neglected his needs. I was cold and distant, said I loved him but did not SHOW it much. He said he cheated on me to fill a void. He has only known this new guy for a month. The new guy has been to our home and saw $$ signs and not the debit. We have a home together and several thousand dollars of credit card debit plus a new car. Both of us will be in financal ruin, if we bail on this relationship. I am more concerned with the emotional TOLL. He can not break the new guy loose, does not want to hurt him. OR ME. We have fought like cats and dogs cried and bawled like babies. We both KNOW we love each other. My depression is better, I feel alive and in control, now that I am better I hope its not too late to make a differnce. I can see love in his eyes. He can see it in mine too. What do we do?
2006-07-21 09:41:21 · 11 answers · asked by Evan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well a few days later we decided to give us a break. Our relationship is on vacation, I do not answer to him and vice versa. We both feel better and his guilt is getting less and less. He lost 23 pounds by keeping the truth from me, I lost 10 by worrying if this is the end. If it is meant to be we will re exam it later when we are ready. We both dont want to sell a home that we love and built together. Our emotions are too raw to wild to make a rational choice. We have made a rule that no potential love intrest is allowed in the home or in our pool or in the driveway. This is where we feel safe and we need to respect that and not flash a love intrest in each others face. We are nicer to each now that the cat is out of the bag, the air is clear No secrets. I am working through my pain and I guess time does heal all wounds. I
2006-07-24 10:47:32 · update #1
Listen babe, the third wheel has got to go. You and me, and Twinkle toes makes three, my ***! This will never do!
Okay, so you had a blue spell....okay really dark blue. It happens. You didn't kill anyone. And believe it or not, depression is a serious illness, and it hurts not just the person suffering, but the family as well. Additionally, the family members, or the spouse deals with it the best they can. And sometimes, they don't do so good. Depression totally kills the libedo, and sometimes spouses go astray. That much we know, and that much, I think you two have dealt with. But who in the hell decided Twinkletoes could stay? How in the blue blazes is that going to solve anything? What are you two doing??!!! This is so negative, I should be sterile!
Look, Sugar, all that aside, I can't possibly know the depth of this situation, and I can't hear from your Hubby, so we'll just take care of you, okay?
Financial ruin is the least of your worries, right now. You've just had a huge bout with depression, and you're attached to a man that doesn't want to hurt his 'fling's' feelings, so he let's him move in. What about you!? What about the last two and half years you two have been together? That's a bit harsh. No...actually? That is WRONG! You don't just need some help with your depression, you need some overall therapy, love. The way you've been treating yourself is so counter productive.
I know you love him, babe, but it's time for you to put your walking shoes on! Financial ruin be damned, you don't deserve this. Sell the new car, split the damage, and cut the losses. It's time for you to make up his mind if he can't. So you let him know, either the two of you work this out, and the Twinkie get's the boot, or you're out of there!
Good Luck!
2006-07-21 10:00:23 · answer #1 · answered by kadara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh goodness gracie Girl! How do you fall in love with 3 guys? Edward, your husband, he cheated on you! TWICE! The first suspicion of unfaithful-ness is when that man should have gone. When you give him second chances, he looses respect for you cause he knows he can love another woman and you not care. He needs to know that not your not going to tolorate this cheating he doing and as long as your around it wont be happening. And did you say you both have other people you are seeing?! That is the most messed-up, weird, unhealthy relationship problem I have EVER herd. Im sorry but come on Girl, Make up your MIND! This isnt high-school, these arent little boys and you cant play with their hearts like this! This is the REAL world and these are GROWN MEN and it shocks me that someone would handle it the way you are. My advice, forget them all. Once thats over, you need to go into your heart and you will find which man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Whether its one of them or not the time to make a decision was a longggg time ago. I hope i helped hun (: -Chelsea
2016-03-16 03:10:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People make mistakes in relationships, if you both love each other, you should both make every effort to work it out. The new guy has to go, if your boyfriend does not leave the new relationship then he does not love you as much as you think. That is your clue from to get out before you are hurt even more. Saying... I don't want to hurt him is why I don't leave him is Crap! He is lying, he wants his new relationship as well as you, that is NOT love! There is no room for 3 people in a committed relationship.
2006-07-21 14:14:36 · answer #3 · answered by Kyanne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH wow! I dont know what to say.. Well, Talk to him once more to see if it will be workable.. U cannot force him to stay with you becz of your Finc. needs.. U never know u will find someone better than thsi cheater ... I can understand love is powerful.. but what if your bf decides to go for the new guy... what control do u have? Please dont use ur depression to your reason of this excuses... Face it and live thought it.. ask him what he wants from you ? then u decide if its workable ? will he cheat again?? so there are lot of issues in ur baggae right now. I cant know if its too late or not? but u cannot force is the only answer.. Once u force it then a bigger problem will come to you .. if he leaves you .. there are plenty of good looking gays with MONEY!!!
2006-07-21 09:49:20 · answer #4 · answered by sunnya4life 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
breathe deeply, sit down and dialogue. passion will only bring misery. stay in contact with the divine and try to resolve the situation in the best way you can...but be careful...you're going thru some psychological issues and he seems to be healthier right now, try and take some steps back and look at the whole situation with a sense of detachment and things will be worked out silly...i know it's tough but if you don't do this..all will go ship-wrecked, what does not mean that everything will be all right, what i mean is respect and honor yourself above all.
2006-07-21 09:49:50 · answer #5 · answered by Fabulous, young and broke! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to get rid of the other guy before you can move on. This is not a choice it is a must and if he is not willing to do that what left is there to work on. You might consider couple counseling after the other person is out of your lives. He has really hurt you and he has alot of making up to do for you to trust him again.
2006-07-21 09:48:18 · answer #6 · answered by nm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to choose, or you need to choose for him. The longer it takes him to decide, the more it's going to hurt you all. Look at the situation honestly, it sounds to me like he wants you to break it off with him so that he doesn't look like the bad guy in the whole thing. Give it a day or so, and if he doesn't leave this other chump, then you need to dump him. No sense hurting yourself more.
2006-07-21 09:50:32 · answer #7 · answered by Jennifer G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you brought it upon yourself,two choices
A: deal with it
b: leave the relationship
hes not cold hearted like you are and doesnt want to hurt the other guys feelings
but in the same sense the other guy knew he was in a relationship and took the chance to get hurt,but again selfishness leads to this kind of situation,hope i helped a little
2006-07-21 09:48:09 · answer #8 · answered by cote8377 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forget the past, enjoy the future. You both have made mistakes and now it is time to move on. Loose the other guy and fall in love again with eachother.
Make love, not war!!!!
2006-07-21 09:47:03 · answer #9 · answered by saskia b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The three of you need to talk things out. Maybe then you can figure something out to where you and your bf can remain a couple and not ruin your credit more than you say it already is.
I hope everything works out for you.
2006-07-21 09:49:17 · answer #10 · answered by curstadevon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋