When we moved in together my hubby and I decided together not to have kids until we were ready. I feel like we are leaps and bounds more ready than at that time. (8yrs ago) He doesn't think so. I can respect that. However now it seems like his decision changed from "not till we're ready" to "never, as long as I have any say". So, as I get older this feeling of wanting to have our own children gets stronger . I'm hurt that it is not a priority for him and he is not taking any steps to become "ready". Will he ever come around? I'm 29 and he's almost 33.
2006-07-21 09:37:25 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
NEVER no one is ever ready for kids. it is the time you want kids that your ready for not the kids . no one can be prepaired for children and once there here your never prepaired for each age that comes..... mine are all grown and I am still not ready.
ps but there worth every gray hair in my head and I love them all
2006-07-21 09:44:40 · answer #1 · answered by bikerbabe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one is ever ready for kids. It sounds like he may have other reasons for not being ready. Find out his real reasons for saying not yet. It may be something as simple as doubting that he'd be a good dad. Try talking to him in a way that won't make him defensive. Avoid making having a baby the issue. Let him know that you just want to understand his feelings on the subject. You don't have to solve anything in this conversation. Make understanding each other (specifically him) the goal. Bridging the gap (compromise) will come later. Good luck.
PS. Financial readiness is not as important as you might think. We have 2 kids. The oldest was born while my husband was working on his BS. He then went onto get his MS. He's just now starting his first 'real' job and our oldest is 3 1/2. Besides, when you're on medicaid, the government will pay for everything. Some people don't approve, but I'll spend the rest of my life paying taxes. I'm sure I'll pay it all back and then some.
2006-07-21 09:53:46 · answer #2 · answered by eebrs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes a person will never feel completely ready until they actually find out they are pregnant. Then it is a reality and time to deal with it and get their asses as ready as they can in the next nine months.
Tell him that having a baby is a priority for you and something that you definitly want to do and soon. Explain to him that he needs to decide if he is just using not being ready as an excuse for not really wanting children. If you two want different things in life then you may want to make some big life changes. I wasn't ready when I got pregnant but I made it work and I would never change the way things have gone because I have my son in my life.
Good luck.
2006-07-21 09:43:29 · answer #3 · answered by Amy >'.'< 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 38, I feel that if I chose to have children, I would be "ready". I fully understand the trials and tribulations of raising children, as I have 6 brothers and 3 sisters. I helped raise 6 of them.
If having children is a priority for you, then you need to sit down and talk to your husband about it. Find out why he seems to be changing his mind about having children. There are some things that you can do to calm his fears about being a father, but if he doesn't want to have any at all, ever, then you have some serious relationship issues that may require counseling to sort out.
2006-07-21 09:44:38 · answer #4 · answered by Georgia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have two boys...28 months and 12 months, and I'm STILL not ready. :)
I don't know that many people are. Sure, people can be financially ready, but emotionally ready at the same time (or at all)? I know very few people who are completely ready to have kids. But, the kids come along, and most of the time it works out.
2006-07-21 15:12:04 · answer #5 · answered by brevejunkie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is really a "right" time I would just stop all birth control methods and tell him that if it happens it happens. I think he is afraid of losing himself when a baby comes along. He may not be as free or maybe he thinks there is plenty of time...I would tell him that this is a priority and get a checkup at the OB and SHOW him that you are serious. Your not all talk anymore. maybe that will give him the incentive that it's time...Good luck
2006-07-21 09:43:44 · answer #6 · answered by *bossy* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make your feelings known and ask for some definitive measures of when he feels you both will be ready--ex. good nest egg, own your house, etc. That way you will get a more concrete answer.
If he won't do it, then you can most likely assume that he just isn't interested in being a father.
2006-07-21 09:42:09 · answer #7 · answered by just4funyall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was thinking about having my second child a good friend of mine gave me great advice. He said don't wait until you think you are ready because you will never be ready. If you want to do it, do it. Of course my husband and I spoke about it and decided then was as good of a time as any.
2006-07-21 11:59:30 · answer #8 · answered by aliza1999 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some ppl are never ready cause thay are to imature or cant afford kids or any different reason. i knew i was ready me and my husband now have 2 kids and maybe another on the way.. and we love them very much u will jsut know when u are ready thats if u are ever ready
2006-07-21 09:43:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh girl. that's a painful feeling. i think some people are ready. I wasn't ready, but when i found out that i was pregnant, i became ready. it sort of just happens. it's a miracle. hey, maybe you should just become pregnant and then he'll be ready!! hahahaha, jk. good luck and i'm with you all of the way.
2006-07-23 03:54:12 · answer #10 · answered by mamabird 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋