I didn't have a good relationship with my mother-in-law and I have adjusted and do not do things I know would upset my daughter-in-laws, but somehow we are not real close, but we get along very well.
2006-07-21 09:04:54 · 32 answers · asked by tobinmbsc 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Since you allready love them and seem like a nice person, all you need to do is respect their bounderies. You will get a feel for what they are.
2006-07-21 09:13:44 · answer #1 · answered by overrun_girl 4 · 11⤊ 2⤋
Let them know that you love them.
Tell them how much you value their love and how much it would mean to you if you could play an active part in their lives.
If for some reason you are met with resistance, then you'll at least know that you did everything you could to do the right thing.
Who knows, they may have personal issues that they are not able to or have not dealt with. Like your relationship with your mother- in -law, it had it's reasons for not working and if you did make amends with yourself, then they (your daughters) will need to do the same.
Any relationship between people is a two- sided highway with curves, twists and turns. Sometimes they lead back to the starting position. This is what we must do as mothers to ensure that our children know every inch of those highways, it only makes them that much more educated about life.
Good Luck! All mothers support you.
2006-07-21 09:16:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be supportive of them. Maybe try once a week or every other week go out to dinner or something. My Soon-To-Be mother-in-law is one of my best friends. We go shopping together, make sure to talk on the phone at least every other day, and help each other. Shortly after I was introduced to her I found out she had a bad relationship with her husband's whole side of the family, so I try not to do anything that would hurt her. She knows I love her son, and I know she loves him so we don't get in each others way. I guess the best thing to do is start by communicating and move from there. By doing this you'll have a better insight of what is happening in your sons' lives and you can be a part of it.
My thoughts might be kinda jumpy, I apologize, and I hope this helps.
2006-07-21 10:00:22 · answer #3 · answered by akr_86 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The very first thing you should do is, Except them for who they are. If you have granchildren don't try to force your parenting skills on them unless asked. Don't always take your son's side when there is trouble on the home front. If they come to you, as hard as it maybe , look at both sides of the story and if he's wrong let him now. After all he's your child he'll always love you, and he'll get over it. Have family dinners often. Do things together that your daughter inlaws like to do. And last but not least. Be the best grandparent you can be.
2006-07-21 09:33:11 · answer #4 · answered by sillywilly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the worst thing a mother-in-law can do is interfere in the relationship between her son and his wife. As long as you aren't doing that, accept that you get along well with your daughters-in-law and let them count their blessings on having a mother-in-law who isn't from Hell, LOL!
2006-07-21 09:13:21 · answer #5 · answered by Nicole S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a mother-in-law, too. I just try to keep my mouth shut and out of their way. I don't visit unless invited (they live 2 1/2 hours away), and when they ask us to care for our granddaughter, I NEVER say no! I've not been made to feel like I need to follow these "rules." However, I, too, don't really care for my mother-in-law and have applied what I wish she had applied when I was younger.
2006-07-21 09:35:39 · answer #6 · answered by Sherry K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think being conscious of this is the first, and most important, step. I'd say get the ladies together for lunch and talk to them. Tell them your experiences and let them know you don't want to make the same mistakes with them. Ask them what they need from you. Let them know that you love them because they love your babies. They may also be afraid of a closer relationship because of all the horror stories about monster-in-laws.
2006-07-21 09:09:43 · answer #7 · answered by ninusharra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you get along very well, be content with that! Try treating them with respect and as much like your own children as you can. You are so wonderful to even care as some mother-in-laws only want to cause trouble!!
2006-07-21 09:10:33 · answer #8 · answered by wancarol 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
stay out of their lives. I've seen the effects of mother-in-laws trying to be the "great" inlaws, and it always winds up in disaster.
1. dont get into their business. if they share information, listen, but never ask
2. never ask them about visiting you, and never ask to come by for a time.
3. offer support when needed, but only when needed. let them ask you for support.
i realise that this may sound harsh, or even contrary to what you may presently believe, but trust me, it will work. people don't like being intruded on. they like their space, and they'll choose to spend the time with who they want in their lives. unforutnately, the inlaws are not commonly those people. but if you just sit back on the sidelines, they'll eventually open up to you and you can take a more active part. if you try to force it, they'll try to distance themselves from you at all costs.
2006-07-21 09:10:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to talk to your daughters-in-law and let them know how you feel. They may not realize you wish you were closer. One thing my mother-in-law does that irritates me is she tries to get too close. I already have a mother to share my life and feelings with, and I don't need another.
2006-07-21 09:10:22 · answer #10 · answered by Justice 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have 2 daughter-in-laws too.
Don't drop by their house without a phone call.
Don't give advice without being asked for it.
Don't tell them how to raise their children.
In short, just give them the same respect that you would anybody else.
Realize that your sons are now closer to them than they are to you. That's a hard one, but in a good marriage it's true.
2006-07-21 09:09:10 · answer #11 · answered by Sean 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋