I have a brother 4 years older then me and I am constantly getting him out of trouble with the cops. I have put out so much money on his problem that I can't do it anymore. He knows that he is looking at 4 years in jail with all his DUI's. He has a court order stating that he is not allowed to drink at all. He's not driving at least but he won't even slack off drinking. He is drinking his self to death.
He is a pipefitter by trade and his Union won't even try to get him a job. He has been fired off of so many job sites. I had to fire him from the company that I worked for when I got him a job there. It was that or possibly let him hurt someone else and hurt the company.
Anyway, I am wondering if I am hurting him more then I am helping him. Should I just say welcome to the real world and let him deal with his own problems? I've tried everything. He has been in ReHab 2 times. He has done weekends in jail. He has lost his kids. Nobdy can or will hire him.
Would JAIL Help????
2006-07-21 08:34:51 · 11 answers · asked by Karen G 1 in Food & Drink ➔ Beer, Wine & Spirits
Yes. Let hin experience the consequences of his actions. Let him take responsibility for them.
2006-07-21 09:17:58 · answer #1 · answered by howlettlogan 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me like maybe some real time in jail might just wake him up. He will probably be mad at you at first, and try to blame you for letting him go, but it will be the best thing that you can do for him. It does not sound like he really cares all that much, and with each time you bale him out, he has learned to expect it. He needs to grow up and become a man, and it almost sounds like jail is the only way for this to happen. Don't feel bad about it, lord knows you have tried, just let it happen and someday he will thank you for it... Good luck...
2006-07-21 15:42:27 · answer #2 · answered by Just Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it hurts you to see your brother in this condition, but actually i think it is hurting him more by you always picking up the pieces he leaves behind. He is a typical alcoholic and I am telling you as long as you are there to bail him out, he is going to keep right up with his destructive behavior. You seem like a good hearted person and usually that is what keeps them going....they drain you of emotional and financial resources and they continue to destroy themselves. I would suggest you sit down with him and tell him there will be nomore bailing him out of his messes. Tell him you love him and will be happy to support any effort he makes to go and get some help, but make it clear you will no longer be his safetynet. I know it breaks your heart and you love him which is obvious, but he has to be made to take responsibility for his life and his actions. I can't say if he will ever get his act together, because he has to really want to be clean and sober; but I don't want you to be left hurting and feeling like you helped him along with his destruction. That is why you have to allow him to deal with the consequences of his behavior. Just realize you have done all you can and have no reason to feel guilty or bad about anything. He is lucky he has had you to fall back on, but now it's time for you to back away and let brother grow up and be the adult he should be. I will keep you both in my prayers. One more thing........do not approach him with your intentions of letting him deal with this himself until you are sure you are ready to stop enabling him. I say this because.....if you tell him you aren't going to put up with it anymore and then you give in later, you will have lost all credibility and he will not take you seriously! Good luck and I pray it all works out for both of you.
2006-07-21 15:55:24 · answer #3 · answered by softlyinspired 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop helping him and let him fine out how the real world is you have done all you can. he is putting you down too. Sometimes enable a person does not mean they will change.
give yourself some dictance and see what happens.
you can still love him but don't help him anymore.
2006-07-21 15:42:15 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jail would disipline him and after his 4 years in jail you can take him to a place where they help people to live without alcohol even if it looks like you're hurting him you're not.
2006-07-21 15:43:53 · answer #5 · answered by EREX94 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it will help and give him time to "dry out" which is what he needs. Although you are trying in your heart to help him you are actually enabling him by keeping him out of the trouble he deserves. He needs to get the reactions for his actions and find accountability.....this won't happen if you continue to be his crutch. Tough love sucks don't it.....
2006-07-21 15:42:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has gone on way too long, much longer than it should have. As long as you continue to bail him out of his problems, you are enabling him. Time for a little 'tough love.' Don't bail him out anymore.
2006-07-21 15:39:21 · answer #7 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to help an alcoholic is for them to want to change and help them selves.Jail may be good for him. Alcoholics are hard to get across to I know.boy do I.
2006-07-21 21:22:17 · answer #8 · answered by bustalynn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would hurt more than help. He needs some counseling.
2006-07-21 15:38:41 · answer #9 · answered by greenfrogs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a loser feed him to the Lions.
2006-07-25 11:00:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋