Putting my mother in a place to rest does that make my a bad daughter?

Question

My mother is sick , she has a mental problem it has been deleloping a time now , but we as her children didn't see it comming.
Now we are searching for a place to put her so she doesn't hurt her self ,but i can tell her what i'm doing and social services is comming to see how advanced is she in her sickness.
It's been a week since i left her alone because in a time of anger she beat my sister and when a interfear she slapt me too and that's why we left cause we could talk to her, she would listen to us.
She is thinking and told us so that we are the enemy and she shald destroy us and God shall help her cause we are the devil.
But what hurts is that 4 days later when i went to see her she forgot everthing that she told us that sunday but, she didn't forget that my sister yelled at her telling her that her couldn't beat us any more .
That is what she says that we are her children and she can do what ever she wants with us.

Answer 1

It sounds like a tough situation and far more complicated than what anyone who hasn't met all of you can comment on. The social worker who is coming will be able to give you good advice if you ask for it; please take it to heart and get a second opinion if you are not satisfied.

In my opinion, rest homes are not bad places in-and-of themselves; what makes them bad is lack of attention by the people who care for the person(s) there. So, if you are concerned, make sure to be a regular visitor to your mother while she is in the home, to ask questions and be firm with the nurses if you see ANY deficiencies in the quality of her care.

Answer 2

Yes your mother is sick with dementia and possibly Alzheimer's and it sound like it is getting worse. She will curse you and hit you and try to do things that she shouldn't but you have to get her help and put her someplace where she can get care. It is hard, but think how bad you will feel if she starts driving some place and forgets how to drive and hits something, or does some other type of accident to herself. As a former EMT I have seen people eat dirt thinking it was food and almost die, go for a walk to their elementary school and get lost in the woods (at 67)
and all kinds of other strange things. If you watch this year's episodes of the Sopranos, Tony's uncle shot him and does not remember doing it. It is a very dangerous time for her and you must get her help.

Answer 3

No it does not make you a bad daughter. Places have the experience and the proper training to deal with people like your mother. It's better for her to be somewhere were they can monitor and keep her from hurting herself and others rather than you and your family getting stressed out over whether you're doing the right thing. I used to work in a care home, and have handled many different types of people, trust me, it's far better that she is somewhere were people know what they are doing. It is also better for the rest of your family because you will all be worrying over who should take what shift etc etc.

You are not a bad daughter, you are doing what is right for your mother and the rest of your family.

Answer 4

Sounds like your mother has the start of Alzheimer. At the beganing stages this is what happens some days they seem fine don't remember what happened the last day. Sometimes the forget and thing everyone is out to get them. They become angry, mistrustful of everyone around them. You need to understand that the short term memory is what is going. Don't feel like your letting her down or your a bad person. Remember your doing what you can to protect her. Be honest with her and prepare yourself. There may be a day that she will not remember who you are. But, don't ever be afraid to show you love her.

Answer 5

No you are not "bad" for the concern over your Mother!Once the Dr. has ruled her Ill then some family should be trying to get her the best care; someone come live with her(medically enabled so)family or friend or professional.
Once her medicalcare needs are evaluated it can be determined where that may be best accomplished;home or at family residence(s) or more professional institute. Two cautions;rotate visitation and make it twice a week minimum should nursing institute be chosen!

Answer 6

Be thankful for every minute that your mother is still alive and is still your mom. Love her every minute of her life. As long as these are in your heart, you will make the right decision. Talk to the social worker about your concerns. She should help with your questions. If you love your mother, you can never be a bad daughter.
My siblings and I had to decide whether or not to have the doctors continue life support after my mother had a stroke. Even though it may seem unfair for You to have to make your decisions, you must do it. Just remember to love your mother every minute of her life, and you will do the right thing.

Answer 7

Number one, have you talked to your mother's doctor about her behavior? How old is your mother? Has she hurt anyone other than you or your sister? Please get her help as soon as you can. To me no, you are not a bad daughter, seems to me that you love and care about her well being. It is a hard choice but you must do what is in your mother's best interest. Check out the nursing homes in your area, talk to the staff and other patients there. God bless you and good luck.

Answer 8

Putting your mother in a place that can take care of her and keep her safe from herself and keep you safe is not being a bad daughter. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to make this decision. Sometimes, putting someone in a facility of some sort is the best thing for that person. In this case, it would be being a good daughter. Don't feel guilty.

Answer 9

Tough situation.I think she will be better off in a place where she can receive constant ,good care.Be sure you research the facilities before you send her to any of them.Abuse is pretty bad in those places,so pick a good one.Good luck.

Answer 10

the safest place for her and the rest of you is a home where people are trained to help people who are not doing well.loving someone means making the hard decisions