How can I learn to trust men of my religion?

Question

My very first priest raped me, and just about every Pagan male I've met after that has been a total liar or a pervert. I don't understand why they are like this. Many of them seem to think that, because our faith embraces lovemaking as something sacred, that gives them the right to be completely shameless. I am the High Priestess of a coven now, and I completely trust my High Priest that is running it with me. There is another male in my coven, but he is gay, and I don't feel threatened by him. I know eventually a straight man will want to join. How can I get over my paranoia with Pagan males?

No bashing please, no hate, no attempts at converting me. I really shouldn't have to ask this.

There are only two men in my coven right now, and I trust both of them. They are the few that I DO trust. I just get nervous around the other ones and I feel I don't give them the chance at a friendship that they deserve.

Answer 1

It’s not easy. And yes I'm a guy.

Paganism attracts more than its fair share of bad folks. Many of them take the liberty of our views on sex (not being evil) too far and think that all things are okay (harassment, abuse and rape). To be honest with you I tend to be wary of most Pagan until they have show some strong moral character. So what’s a witch to do, eh?

1. Be wary of who you let into your coven. There is a reason for the year and a day thing. It’s hard not to let your strips show over the course of a year.

2. Trust your intuition. If your getting a bad vibe from a guy. Give him distance. Don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position. If the guy is okay, he’ll stick around and you’ll always get a chance to develop a friendship.

3. Keep the flirting down. Too many guys will use it as an excuse for inappropriate behavior.

4. Have your antenna up. If you hear some guy is a cad give him distance. If he is actually okay time will tell. I’ve seen a fair number of guys at pagan gatherings whos sole interest is trying to bed as many young women as possible.

5. Be wary of guys who are into looking strong or important. Most guys who give themselves the title of high priest or even priest are more into their image then their spirituality. The folks who really know their stuff don't need to prove anything to anyone.

6. Watch out for those (both men and women) who seem preoccupied with sex. 90% of the time they're not the sort of folks you want to hang out with.

Hope this helps. And feel free to e-mail me if I can be of further help.

BB

Pablito

Answer 2

Oy. First off, I'm sorry you've experienced this. Second, PLEASE know that not all males are like this, pagan or no. And it violates the very essence of "Harm None."

I'm a solitary, so don't have a lot of coven experience (and the group I was with was small). On a mundane level, have you talked with your HP about this, and does he understand that it may be an issue that you may have to address in the future?

On a spiritual level, the thought that comes to mind is to talk to the God and ask him for help to learn not only how to trust, but when to. And when to keep your shields up when necessary.

Bright blessings,
Tirya

Answer 3

Hold on, let me put on my Dr. Phil mask.

Okay, better.

Now, let me ask you a question that will perhaps give you an answer to your problem. What is the common denominator in all these relationships that have gone so badly? Yeah, you.

I'm not trying to convert you, but I can only relate to this with my own religion. I don't get treated the same way because I know the difference between a good man and a fool. I know the difference between a man who will treat me well and a man just looking for some strange. I learned this from the Bible. Again, I'm not trying to convert you, what I'm saying is that perhaps it is you, not them, who needs to change, so that when this happens again, you know the right decision to make.

I hope it works out for you :)

Answer 4

If you don't trust them they shouldn't be in your coven in the first place. I hope that helps.