Haven't talked to my dad in 6 months.?

Question

I made some life-choices as an adult. My father has not approved of these choices, which I believe is why he hasn't talked to me. We used to have a very good relationship, one where I could tell him anything. I suffer from Bi-Polar disorder, and have been diagnosed here and there with several other mental conditions. I know I don't have the most soundest of judgement. But I still feel like I need my dad, like I need at least one person I can talk to and trust that they aren't out to get me.

I know I'm a failure in my dad's eyes. I know I've screwed up my life according to him.

My questions:

Is it wrong of me to still want to talk to my dad?

When a parent disowns their child, don't they usually say "I want nothing to do with you!" or do they just fall out of touch?

Any ideas of how to present myself to my dad, to try to repair our relationship??

Any help, advice, or personal stories would be Greatly Appreciated.

I'm sure alot of it has to do with the fact that I am pregnant.

I'm due in November. He hasn't even acnowledged my pregnancy, although I e-mailed and called to tell him and my mom. My mom was quiet for a few weeks, soaking it all in. But it's like my dad is a brick wall, has said NOTHING to me.

I've called, I've emailed. I even stopped by his usual lunch-spot to talk to him, and was brushed off.

The last time we talked I was getting a divorce, I was also heavily abusing drugs, having a VERY hard time keeping things under control.

Since then, of course I've quit the drugs, finalized the divorce, moved on, and found someone new. The preg. was Unexpected, but we're trying to be the best we can for our child.

I want my dad to accept my son...

It really hurts.

Thank you, everyone, for your excellent advice thus far!!

I know I have no time to lose, as my father has a serious medical condition that could cause him to die at any time. I will try to contact him today.

Answer 1

To begin with no one is a failure in their parent's eyes, but a great person in their eyes! A child in a parent's eyes, they may have many disordrs but they always have something unique and special about them!

Your Questions:

1. No, it's not wrong to want to talk to your dad, you may not have spoken with him for 6 months but I haven't spoken with my dad for over a year, but now I'm beginning to turn to him for advise because after all, he is my father and knows me very well, and the bestests persons to turn to for advise or talk to are your parents!

2. They might fall out of touch but they would never say "I want nothing to do with you!" they're your parents and they will always be there for you no matter what! If he's a little stubborn or something he may at first be a bit grumpy but once you continue insisting on wanting to fix the relationship trust me, it'll all work out and things will fall into place.

3. Well, with my dad I spoke to him *in person, that's really important! By phone it's not cool* I told him that I was sorry for not speaking with him for so long and that I couldn't resist to let our relationship falling to pieces. I suggest you speak what's in your heart, mind, and soul and I'm sure he will love that!

I really hope all goes well for you, you may have a mental conditions but that doesn't make you any different from anyone else, everyone in this World has something very special about them and unique so don't feel inferior or anything like that, you are special and beautiful in the inside and out!

I hope you fix things with your father, I know how it feels to be without them because I've been there *S* Best of Luck! ~V.J.~

Answer 2

There are a lot of reasons for a parent to lose touch with a grown child. It might be because he thinks you have failed. The thing you have to remember about that is that the reason it upsets him so much is that for you to be a failure he has to be also. It's a bit of a struggle sometimes for a parent not to put their child's life choices on themselves. Many people think that if you are their child and you don't grow to be what they think you should that it is that they didn't raise you right. Test the waters with him with a phone call or letter. Try to let him know that your choices were yours alone and that you don't blame him. You sound like you have a lot of problems but you also sound like a good person. Keep in mind that very few people feel that they can help you and it might be difficult for them to know all of the things that you are going through. If you are not seeking professional help for your disorder you might want to do that also. It's better to speak with someone trained to help you than to put all of the issues it creates on another person's shoulders. I hope that you will be able to find a way to be able to have a relationship with your dad. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

Well I don't know what choices you've made or the details of the situation. But I can tell you sometimes parents (specially fathers because they're not as emotional as women) say hurtful things to their children just like everybody. We've all said things in anger that we don't mean. I think your dad cares about you very much and is probably worried about you and is trying to kind of wake you up. Most people when they have children hope for one thing that they have a better life than they had in their childhood. So it hurts him to see you suffer specially with bi-polar disorder which I'm sure its not easy for you to deal with.

I think if you miss your dad so much you should approach him call him and ask him to have coffee with you or lunch and tell him everything you've said here that you miss him and want to re-gain the relationship you once had. Everyone makes mistakes specially when we're young and inexperienced and sometimes the only way to learn is by going through things ourselves no matter how many times our parents warn us about the consequences. You've learned from your mistakes and its time to put them in the past. Life is way too short to waste it on being mad at our loved ones.

Best wishes!

Answer 4

First, what have you been doing all this while, waiting for as long as six months? You really need to seat up and know what is good and what is bad. come of the opinion that you are a failure in your dad's eyes. He still loves you and always will. Be caourageous, go to him and ask for his forgiveness. Don't call him as this might make him feel you are to proud or a coward to face him. Just pay him a suprising visit and you'll see it will just work like MAGIC. Under stand that it is not wrong for you to want to talk to your dad. Infact you have taken the right step. Don't bother your self with this parent disowning their child issue; you don't need it right now. After the whole things is settled, in case of another time ask his advice, and if it does'nt favour you let him know what you feel in the most respectable way.

Best of Luck.

Answer 5

No it's not wrong, he is your father, and you love him.

It's been 6 months, and I'm sure by now he misses you. Write him a letter letting him know how much you miss, and love him. Let him know you are now realizing you need his guidance. Go from there, because confronting him might make things hard. He may think you are still trying to come from the same point of view instead of meeting him in the middle. Don't give up, prove to him you want to better your relationship. He may not trust you for whatever reason, and trust is earned, and should never be expected. Take it slow, but don't give up. Also, pray about this situation fervently. God will help you, and heal your situation.

Answer 6

Remember that you need to love yourself first. I understand the need to have your father in your life, and sometimes the approval of someone is needed, but remember to love yourself above all things. I am sure your father is missing out on wonderful opportunities to be in your life.
No matter what you choose in your adult life, your father should accept and love you. I would at least contact him and express your feelings to him, and suggest a time when you both can get together and talk about these feelings your having.
Bottom line if your relationship with your father is what you truly want then you have to do the foot work!

Answer 7

as a parent, I don't always agree with my childrens' tastes, choices, etc. but I never want to lose toush with them and I don't ever agree with a parent disowning a child. However, sometimes rebellion and pride get in the way of having a good relationship and it is often easier and more comfortable to avoid issues and confrontations then to grit your teeth and go headlong into them because you know they are coming. I am not saying this is right but it happens and the longer you go without communication, the harder it is for both sides to lay down their pride and go to the other .
You are at least on the right track, knowing that you want and need a relationship with oyur father. Knowing that you have difficulty with sound judgement- don't use that as an exucse to make poor decisions and expect everyone else to accept them because of that- you should talk to oyur dad, let him know how you feel, tell him that oyu do not want to have a severed relationship with him and ask him if he would be willing to help oyu with certain decisions. Let him know that you trust him, his judgement and his wisdom and tell him you would like to ocme to him for advice, input, discernement whe something comes up- then listen to him- really listen to what he has to say and why. Understand that he has invested a lifetime raising oyu, providing for you, putting his heart and life into trying to make a good life for you. We all make mistakes and aside from God, there is no perfect parent. Make sure you show appreciation for what he has done for you and go to him with a spirit of forgiveness for wherever you feel wronged. the ball is in your court now- go to him before it is too late and let him know that you don't want ot fight- I don't care if a man is 9 29 of 49 they always need the wisdom, acceptance and love of their father. I am sure that your dad loves you and cares about you- it is just very difficult to watch a child go down certain road and not be open to wisdom and direction from those who really do care aobut what happens to oyu in the end

I will pray for you, i hope that all goes well between you and your father and there can be reconciliation and healing of your relationship

Answer 8

Parents are people too and sometimes they don't make the best choices either but put yourself in his place.

Maybe, he doesn't know how to deal with the choices you have made and, rather than argue with you, he's taking the passive route and not interfering. He is respecting your right to free choice. Be happy with that.

Remember that he didn't say "I want nothing to do with you!" so he has left the door open and perhaps if you wrote a letter you could express your feelings in a measured way.

Sometimes, when we see people face to face, other things get in the way and we don't say the things we want to say the way we want to say them. In a letter you have the option to "edit" the words and explain them more fully. We get to reread the words and think about them and their impact before we release them out to the world. Try that.

Sometimes writing a journal helps a person to express their thoughts and put things in their proper place.

Answer 9

Try to re-establish that good relationship with your dad...Parents are the best to talk to when they value their kids ,and I am sure that he was mad at you 'cause he did not want to see you making any wrong choices.

A lot of parents say that they disowned their children, but deep down in their hearts that does not really exist... Try to contact him, I mean you're not loosing anything, at least you will have a peace of mind that you took it a step further and god forbid that anything happens you won't be sorry that you made that attempt.... I really hope that all works out for you!

Answer 10

Print off a copy of your question that you just asked and mail it to him with an explanation that you posted this question on Yahoo! answers b/c you didn't know what to do. You can also send the answers with the question if that seems appropriate to you. Of course, give him a phone number to call you at. Maybe you could call him in a week or so if you haven't heard anything. If there's anything that you need to apologize for, then do that. There's nothing wrong with a good heart-felt apology (if it's necessary...you may not need to apologize for anything). It's just another way of showing him that you love him and respect him.