Why are men intimidated by intellectual, beautiful & successful women?

Question

Most men claim not to be intimidated by powerful women, but I find when a woman is well-spoken, sophisticated & very attractive, it becomes a competition within the relationship. Especially if the woman earns more money. I find that this leads men to either cheat with a woman he feels is less of a challenge (intellectually & successfully speaking) or he tries to put her accomplishes down & out do her. Am I off base?

Answer 1

No, your not off base, most men want control, and intelligent women demand at the very least equality, and most men simply can't handle that. There are some of us who can, were out here but we're are a minority among men.

Answer 2

I'm going to assume that you really want an answer to your question and that wasn't an editorial. If I am wrong, please disregard this response. Amongst other shortcomings, it is simply one mans opinion.

I am an alpha male. I consider the traits that have gotten that title dumped (or bestowed depending upon your pov) upon me to be masculine traits. Those traits also tend to lead to success and though different people define success differently, I have achieved a level of success that few could argue with.

Many women who have also achieved success have done so using the same tools I have. Recall that I consider those traits to be masculine. I am not alone. It really doesn't matter if we are right or not either - we are looking for our definition of feminine. We may look at a beautiful woman and initially see feminine - but if she acts masculine (albiet by our definition) then we lose interest quickly, often without putting our finger on the exact cause.

Too, a competition within the relationship should not shock you. Consider even boys on the playground. They choose games that have clear cut winners and losers straight from kindergarten. Tag, dodgeball - you know who wins and who loses. Girls on the other hand tend to choose games that are inclusive such as hopscotch and that don't have clear cut winners and losers. You are a winner just by playing. Men never outgrow the whole heirarchal way of thinking - it is hardwired into our brain. If a man loves you - he may agree to play emotional hopscotch with you - but if you want to play emotional dodgeball he's going to try and break your face - it WILL become a competition. Especially for an alpha male.

Be well.

P.S. Just went looking and found this quote by Marlene Dietrich

"You need a man you can look up to and respect. If you dethrone him it's no wonder that you are discontented, and discontented women are not loved for long."

Answer 3

GOOD MORNING, Hotspicy_creole!
Or, I should only be a little more quiet. Shhh,
good morning, Hotspicy_creole.

I have prepared for you a tray of a breakfast.
Along with a small juice to delight your palate is a waffle, syrup and a slice of a bacon. I have also made a small adornment of a flower to bring glee to your sleepy eyes.
Good morning, Hotspicy_creole.
Hotspicy_creole, I want you to know, I love you.
Hotspicy_creole, If there is some other item you wish to prefer, I would be happy to fetch it for you?

Hotspicy_creole, I will just move it out onto the veranda where you can enjoy the view of the ocean and palm trees swaying in a gentle breeze.
I love you, Hotspicy_creole

Ok, I have some errands to run this morning,. While I am away, don't be surprised to find a couple thousand dollars stuffed in your pockets as you get ready for the day. You might like to think of some things you want to have?

Hotspicy_creole, I was planning to share with you this evening a night out with dancing and a fine wine. I hope you can make it?

-Jake

Answer 4

The problem is the men you are choosing. Just because they SAY they are strong and are not intimidated doesn't mean they are. Look at their behavior instead. When you see that competitiveness it is really a weak man wearing a type-A suit. I'm guessing but it is probably the type-A that you are attracted to right? So that is leading you into packs of these weak-minded guys.

BTW, I don't think it is the challenge that is making they guys cheat...it is merely the opportunity to do so and the fact that he's a guy. ;-) Not all A's are weak of course...take a look at Bill Clinton.Very intelligent, articulate, not intimidated by his wife...but still cheats.

Answer 5

Being a beautiful woman myself, I have made sure that I never had that problem. That is because I don't waste my time with men who would feel that they need to compete with me. Any man who competes with a woman has insecurity and control freak issues. Men like these are not worth wasting any of your precious time on. You know the type, no explanation necessary.

The men who are the most worthy, and the best "for you" are the ones who don't fit the "package" you probably have burned in your mind and want to have.

After years of dating many "gillette type - extremely handsome, financially successful, Stanford advanced degree intelligent" men, I found a great guy who isn't the "triple threat looks, money, brains package". I decided that looks aren't as important as integrity, intelligence and sense of humor.

I earn more money than my guy right now, and he's not insecure about it at all. And, that's not to say that in 5 years he won't be the sole provider and major bread winner.

It's not about dropping standards, it's about having realistic "expectations" in a partner.

And also, learn not to take yourself too seriously. Men are easy to read if you have a map.

Answer 6

The "boys" who answered this question are a perfect example of what you are talking about. It's true...men are easily intimidated and even more so when a woman is accomplished. It's rare to find a man who appreciates and understands all the hard work we have put into making ourselves independent. It is easy to tell the difference between a boy and a man. Boys are everywhere. So just take your time... a man will come along eventually.

Answer 7

well i have not'' worked ''in over 10 yrs as i stay home and take care of the kids my wife brings home the bacon and i cook it.so we are not all threatened but some are and the ones who are are not real men anyway its a matter of perspective a weak willed man will be very threatned a strong man will not as manhood is not defined by money or smarts.its doing the right at the right time and that is not easy cause if it was the world would be better off now wouldnt it?in terms of smart i find many woman are just as turned off when the man is smarter then the woman all part of the ''curse'' of being staright i guess

Answer 8

i have no problem being with an intellectual woman. i love it that a woman can carry on a conversation and make some sense too. and being successfully, that's great too. shows you have goals, and you work hard for what you want. and beautiful, well, that's always a plus. some guys are not happy with themselves if they feel that a woman with all of these attributes makes them nervous, shy, or jealous. i love to talk with the person i am with, so having all these things is a plus. wish i could find one like that lol.

Answer 9

I've noticed a movement to try to get back to "old-fashioned family values" which means women stay out home, reproduce and take care of their men. So you are not off base many men are threatened because intellectual, beautiful, successful women breaks their mold of what an ideal women should be, i.e. a maid or their mother.

Answer 10

No you are not off base and I am a guy. I think it intimidates them to be in a relationship where the woman is more successful than him. Personally I would not have the problem. I am very comfortable with who I am. If my partner makes more money then more power to her! I get to share her wealth & success too!!