My sister has been dating this guy and now the're getting married soon. After dating him I think she’s become anorexic and her thoughts are confused. He sends hate mail to my family and doesn't like my sister to make visits alone. He has totally changed who she is. Desperate times people…show me the answers.
2006-07-21 05:19:09 · 27 answers · asked by emmadoll83 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You can't. You don't understand a womans' drive to get married. Once the church, hall and the rest of the details are paid for, she usually goes through with it (if it's a bad decision) just to save face. You can only be there for her when it falls apart. Don't push her away, she may stay with him even longer because she feels she has no where to go.
2006-07-21 05:25:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Save the hate mail that he's sending.. then turn it into the police... stalking, terroristic threats, harassment... take your pick.. If it's on-going and documented they're bound to do something about it.
Get this guys background checked. Online services offer it for a small fee and if you find something major it will be so worth it.
Try to convnince them to go through pre-marriage counseling (even if you have to tell them how much it will help their marriage get off on the right foot... site a friend who's gone through it and is extreemly happy.. if you don't know anyone make someone up). Even if he refuses some counselors will see one spouse or the other. It should raise red flags all over the place.
Talk to the minister/preist/whatever that will be performing the cermony. Tell them what you've told us. In theory he should refuse to marry them because of the circumstances. Morals and such getting in the way.
Talk your sister into seeing a doctor (even if you have to make an excuse like you want to make sure shes in good health before they go away on their honeymoon because you don't want anything to spoil it.. .. get creative). Any doctor whos worth anything will recognize the signs of anorexia. (so will most dentists if it has been going on for a while as constant throwing up eats the enamle off the back teeth...if she is self-conscious about her smile offer her a couple whitening sessions for a gift.. then put a bug in the dentists ear.)
Half the problem is getting her to admit that there is a problem. You'll have to get her away from the boyfriend for this. Oportunites about around weddings to seperate the couple. Take her for a day at the spa or offer to help her pick out dresses/flowers/etc (all those little details that the guys don't want involved in are opportunites)
2006-07-21 05:44:53 · answer #2 · answered by nobodysangel_nobodysfool 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with NobodysAngel.
However, this is more serious than most people are taking it. Isolating a woman from her friends and family is the first step of an abuser. He will then be the only one that she can trust and turn to and will not leave him no matter what because she will feel that she has nowhere else to go. The sister is in danger.
Ask your parents and sister if you can all (her fiance included) sit down and resolve this. Make it seem like he's going to be a part of your family and you want to make sure that no one has done anything to upset either one of them. That you understand the amount of stress they must both be under with the wedding planning and the rest of their life planning, that you want to make the start of their new life together a happy one.
Whichever parent she is closer to, have him/her tell your sister that they have always dreamed of welcoming a son-in-law to the family and never dreamed that they would lose their daughter in the process.
Now, Here's the kicker. You & your parents have to mean it. You have to want to resolve this and make your home a safe place for your sister again. If either one of them sense its fake or forced you will only push her farther away. If her fiance refuses then he is the one who is causing her stress not your family and make sure if he objects that you point that out to her.
2006-07-21 07:35:43 · answer #3 · answered by Chris10L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can really do is be there for her when she realizes how much she needs you. Unfortunately, it's very common for people (mainly women) to change themselves to suit their partner's wishes . . . even if it is detrimental to their own health and well-being. You could get a restraining order against him for the hate mail, but that may alienate her even further since she's already prohibited from visiting without him. Just be patient and try to be supportive and understanding. She will come around, but it will probably take awhile.
Good luck and stay sane!
2006-07-21 05:31:07 · answer #4 · answered by Angie P. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only one who can help your sister is your sister. Unless there are signs of physical abuse, then you could take it to the law. Otherwise it is your sisters fault that she is allowing this man to control her. When you and your family try to intervine it only makes her cling to him more! Until she can see on her own what he is doing to her, she will only take your advice as being mean spirited. For some reason she has a Co-Dependant problem and feels she needs somebody who will tell her what to do and how to act. I feel sorry for you, your family and your sister.. you ALL have a long road ahead of you. But until she see's this on her own, you will just make things worse.
2006-07-21 05:29:43 · answer #5 · answered by Fancygal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, forbidden fruit is the sweetest. The more you express your dislike for him, the more your sister will like him. Just back off a little and hopefully she will come around. Just make sure you do not break down the lines of communication with your sister. It sounds like she is going to need you.
2006-07-21 06:50:35 · answer #6 · answered by wendy e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello, why would you want to break up your sister's wedding???? Regardless of who she is with or what she is going through, there is nothing you can do to change her circumstances. I can truly feel and understand what you are saying and going through, but your sister has to end it for herself, just always be there to support her no matter what!! It sounds like your sister is in an abusive relationship, try to support her right now, cause abuse is powerful and tough to get out of. Just be your sister's angel and show her that no matter what she chooses to do right now, that you will always be there for her. GOD {YAH} bless you, your sister and family....GL
2006-07-21 05:32:32 · answer #7 · answered by BIG LIZ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all make sure you're not assuming. get the facts because that is what will help you convince her that she is making a mistake. talk to her and advise her of your concerns, show her your evidence, the evidence that makes you believe that she is making a mistake. unfortunately if she chooses to marry this person, she will, no matter what anyone says. you can only hope that when you share your concerns with her she will take them into consideration. maybe it will click something in her mind and get her to see the light. but that is your goal, get her to see the truth which she may not see because she is too close to the issue, she is in love and sees no wrong. open her eyes to the truth!
2006-07-21 05:30:00 · answer #8 · answered by HopeThisHelps 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a friend of yours to ask him out to bar or somewhere that could be considered a date. If he accepts, follow him and take pictures of them together. Send them to his parents and to your sister. OR just stand up and loudly object to the marriage during the wedding ceremony.
2006-07-21 05:45:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
seat down with ur sister and talk to her on a serious conversion sometime love is Blane maybe she cant see what u see show her all the hate mail he had sent and show her how he is. family come first if doesn't like ur family than he should not be in ur family
2006-07-21 05:38:43 · answer #10 · answered by fame4000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋