Any Funny JOKE ?

Question

hi, i'm just outta moood today, make me laugh pls

Answer 1

PURPLE MONKEY DISHWASHER

Answer 2

A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. It is not polite."

"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"

"Those are enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

Answer 3

Ok,

A bus load of catholic school girls was hit and they all died.
They all arrived at the gates of heaven, in line, to talk to St. Peter.

The first girl in line steps up.. St. Peter says,
"have you ever had an encounter wtih an erection?"
The girl says " once.. I touched one with the tip of my finger"
St Peter says, "Dip your finger into this holy water, then you will be allowed to enter"
So she does, and she walks through the gate.

The second girl in line steps up.
St Peter asks her also, "Have you ever had an encounter with an erection?" She turns red and says, "well yes, I once rubbed and stroked one"
St Peter says, "Dip your whole hand into this holy water"
so she does, and walks through the gate...
Just about that time, there was a comotion in line as one of the girls is pushing her way to the front

St Peter says to her, "What is the rush?"
and the girl answers:

"If I am going to have to gargle with that water, I want to do that first before Mandy sticks her butt in it!"

Answer 4

You Smell Nice

A guy comes up to a woman at the office and he tells her that her hair smells nice.

The woman immediately goes to her supervisor to file a sexual harassment suit.

The supervisor says, "What’s wrong with someone telling you that your hair smells nice"?

The woman replies, "he’s a midget".

Answer 5

an old man was holding a bucket walking in his backyard at night. Suddenly he hears some women giggling from the pond in his backyard. he goes there and sees three naked women moving towards the back of the pond. one of the women is says: "we are not coming out untill you leave" . so the man says "im not here to see you naked, im just here to feed my crocodile".

Answer 6

Two guys walk in to a bar. The third one ducks!

Answer 7

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks him "so, why the long face?"

Sorry, best I got on short notice.

Answer 8

chuck norris defeated the naughty mole men by throwing fluffer nutters at their eyes which would make them smaller, chuck norris then ate them and lived happily ever after.

Answer 9

When does an Arab become moderate?
When he runs out of weapons!

Answer 10

A good friend sent me this today!

http://mywebpages.comcast.net/singingman7777/Beginning.htm

Answer 11

so your in the mood for laughing, just do what i do look at a mirror
lol