Should I tell my kids that I could die?

Question

My kids are 11 and 13. I have had a serious illness for 12 years that is usually fatal. Thankfully I've been in good health with no major problems, but that could change at any time, or I could never get any worse. Are the kids too young to know, or should I tell them of my illness?

Answer 1

Two ways to approach this. Anyone can suddenly die tomorrow. Since you've managed your illness for 12 years (longer than your younger daughter's life!) why burden their young lives with such news that could certainly unneccesarily frighten them.
OR depending what you tell them, and HOW, they can be told in a positive way as you've done here. It can change, or it can remain the same, making note of how long you've done so well with it.
Another consideration is, once they hit what I consider the horrid 15-16 age, when e/thing means the end of the world. That could be the worse time to tell them anything!
Lastly only YOU know your girls, and what they're capable of accepting........AND when.
My very best wishes to you. I'm confident you'll make the very best decision! :)

Answer 2

Telling someone there are problems with you that are fatal/terminal is very hard. In my best judgement, your children need to know. My father died last year, to me which seemed a sudden death. I am still angry with my mother for knowing and not telling the rest of us until after his death, that he was battling a chronic liver disease.

I suggest you get your entire family involved on a nice peaceful evening. Plan a dinner or family day. Enjoy them as much as you can. Let everyone know before hand that you will be discussing something very important with them prior to their arriving. It's best to create the thought upfront in their minds instead of hitting them blindsided.

When you have the floor, with pen and pad in hand, you are creating your last will and testament at the same time. From here, you will tell your story. You will also constantly remind your children of how much you love them and have their best interest at heart. If this "death" is not approaching any time soon, it's best to have all of your pariculars in order. By all means, DO NOT tell your children at this moment that you are dying. But neither should you down play the possibility.

Make everything known and also at that time speak with family about who your children are going to live with when the time does come. Be sure to allow your children to have some input, because it is their lives and comfort zone that will be affected. Please be sure that this is family that you can trust and know that your children will be loved and cared for as though you were there.

I sincerely hope that what I have said can be of some help or consolation in any way. Good Luck!!!!!!!! GOD Bless!!!!!!!

If you ever get lonely and need to talk, just email me. I could use another online prayer partner!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

They are very young to know. If you tell them now, it will only fell their heads with a lot of stress... If what you say will, god forbid, happen it is better that they have more happy memories with you rather than being sad all the time. It is not good for a child growing up knowing such a thing.
But at the same time, it is better that they know what will happen before it does so they will not blame you for not telling them. When you feel it is getting RELLY bad let them know and say your good byes...
I hope that woun't be the case.... I will pray for your good health... Nothing is worse than growing up without a parent.

Answer 4

I think your children are old enough to understand what could happen. I would explain the illness, and just reassure them that at this moment in time, you are okay. But that the possiblilty of that changing does exist, and you don't want them to be taken by surprize should that happen. Tell them that every day is a precious gift, and you want to share it and live it to the fullest with them. I think if you held the information, they could indeed become resentful, and possibly have more difficulty in dealing with the matter.

Answer 5

No, they aren't too young, but you do need to tell them what is going on. You want to inform them about the situation, but you don't want to scare them. Reassure them that things are looking up. If something does go wrong (heaven forbid) at least it wouldn't be a total shock to the children. And don't change what you're doing in your life after you tell them, you don't want to put off a vibe that you're trying to live life before it's gone. Good luck with everything. Keep positive!

Answer 6

I am sorry to hear of your illness.
I am unsure as to whether you should tell them or not but if you decide not to tell..if I were you I would start either a journal so they can have a record of your emotions as you are dealing with this illness or a video journal so they have your emotions and feelings as record. Be sure to make comments on various life accomplishments that can happen to them and how proud you are and will be of them..so God Forbid you arent around long..they will know how you feel watching over them from heaven as they make each milestone. (Just in case)

Best wishes to you and a Prayer is being sent to God's ear on your behalf now.

Answer 7

I'd say that they might still be a bit young. Maybe in another year you could sit them down and say, "I don't want you to worry about me but you're older now and need to know" and make sure that they know the plans you've made for them should the worst happen. No matter how much you prepare them, you're death would be a blow but they need to know about the possibilities. I wish you a long, long, life.

Answer 8

My Mom passed away when I was 11 years old. She was very ill with cancer. My Dad and Mom both talked with me that she may never get better and it was very likely that she wasn't going to live for a long time. I understood yet I was a little in denial. I really thought she would get better. I feel that them talking to me helped me handle her death.

She also made a recording on a tape for me when she went back into the hospital. It's nice having her voice.

Funny thing. When my son was 5 years old I tried playing the tape for him and explained to him that this was his grandma that passed away. It scared the living daylights out of him. I didn't mean to scare him. I think he must of thought it was a ghost or something.

I think talking with them is a good idea. It helped me cope with my Moms death.

The best to you

Answer 9

They aren't too young to understand, In a way it would be good to brace them for it so they aren't completely devastated. A similar situation happend to my mother. Her mother prepared her for impending death when she was 10 yrs old and it just worked out better according to my Mom. she would have been shocked to find out she had a fatal disease and didn't bother to tell her about it. Sometimes its just better to be honest that way your children aren't completely shocked for one by your death...and two that you never told them...At 11 and 13 they should know that death is a reality.

Answer 10

i don't think that the children are too young to know. I think u should tell them because what if it happens tomorrow.i'm sure they understand death already. they should already know that once yur born your destined to die sooner or later. In there minds they aren't going to know y and some children hold a grudge asking "why didn't he/she tell me?" i just think that they have a right to know about there mother. try and make them understand whats the good and the bad of your condition. give them hope but also if u do pass they have closure.