Can a child listen too well - does it cause problems with friendships?

Question

My daughter is going into 2nd grade. She loves to follow the rules but most of her friends don't. One of her friends loves to push the rules and also tries to get my daughter to do things that will get her into trouble. For example - I told my daughter in front of this child not to hold a cat because I'm allergic and didn't want her to get all full of cat hair. As I started to walk away this child try to get my daughter to hold the cat. My child refused of course.

My daughter also doesn't rock the boat and seems pretty confident. One day her best friend will play with her and the next day her friend will push her away and refuse to include her. My child walks away and plays by herself. I also found out this "best friend" threatens not to be my daughter's friend if things aren't going her way.

Is always playing by the rules going to hurt my daughter in the end or am I worried for nothing?

Answer 1

My daughter is the same age, and your daughter sounds allot like mine, she had a friend too who was very defiant, she even convinced my daughter to steel from a local store, I think I did what was best for my daughter when I put an end to their friend ship, I even asked her teacher to help me in force their separation, and the teacher agreed because she could see what was going on too. Maybe you should tell your daughter she can't see her friend anymore, I know this will prolly upset her and all but your her mom and you need to keep her best interests in mind, Just think, first it's the cat, then whats next, steeling, who knows..

Answer 2

That's a tough situation because there's a fine line between doing too much and not enough. This friend obviously doesn't sound like the best influence, but at the same time, they are only in 2nd grade. Young children often do not understand things as completely as older adults, and she may resent you if you take away a friend. Also, often, breaking up friends will make them want to be together even more. If anything, maybe you could talk to your child about this friend and tell her your worries.

As far as the 'one day we're friends one day we're not,' I think that is also a normal kid thing. It's not the most becoming trait, but kids will be kids! Drama is everywhere!

I think the most important thing for you is to reintegrate to your own child about the importance of following rules. It sounds like her friend hasn't had very consistent parenting in regards to this. You probably can't do much to help her friend. If the parents don't stress the importance of following rules, the child most likely will not value them. As long as you keep up your good parenting skills, I think your daughter will be just fine.

I have had many 'bad' friends in my past (that have done drugs, stolen, etc...) and the thing that kept me from that lifestyle was a) the disappointment from my parents, b) I was aware of the physical risks, and c) I was aware of the other risks (ex. getting arrested). This was more into junior high, but as long as you let your child know that you care about her following rules and let her know the consequences, I think she will respect that.

So, to answer your question, I see nothing wrong with playing by the rules. You will have to do it your whole life....in all of school...in the work world... I think it is important for children to learn to respect authority, the rules, and other people...whether it be parents, teachers, or even other students. If you are still worried after a talk with her and some monitoring, I would let her teacher(s) know to keep an eye on it. And if worse comes to worse, you may be able to contact this best friend's parents for a little chat. Obviously, it cannot be a 'bashing' call, but just to let the parents know to keep an eye on it.

GOOD LUCK and it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of parenting! Just the fact that you notice this and take action shows this. There is no such thing as worrying for nothing with your children. You would better be safe than sorry!!!

Answer 3

She sounds very confedent and Sacure so I dont think you have NE thing to worry about. You have done a very good job as a parent. If she always plays by the rules then she will never do Drugs or Smoke or ne thing like that. You might want to let her know that She can tell you NE THING EVER!!! and one day maby you and her should brake the rules together. If she is out of school one day, you should tell her that together yall are going to skip class and work and go to the park or something like that. Just to let her know that as long as its OK with you its not compleatly braking the rules.
I have 4 kids and about 1 time every 6 months or so I do a early dinner around 3 and something light. then about 7 thay are crying thay want dinner so I load them up and take them for ICECREAM!!! yep icecream for dinner. My kids think I am the Greatest thing in the world. Not only do thay tell me that , They show me that. Thay talk to me about every thing and thats what you really want.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Be thankful your daughter is her own person and obeys the rules. You might sit down with your daughter and let her know that certain "friends" will come along and try to get her to break the rules and that you are proud that she stands her ground and does what is right. Let her know that her true friends are those who respect her wishes to do so.

Answer 6

You should be glad that she is the way she is. Being strong willed and having confidence is important and may keep her out of trouble later on. It's much better to be a leader or loner than a follower.

Answer 7

your worried for no reason I mean its only 2nd grade and trust me you want her playing by the rules for as long as you can because one day she will decide to stop and it wont be fun. It just showes that your child is well ajusted and has good self asteem and it seems as though this outher childs parents need to get on top of her more and disapline her.

Answer 8

I watched my son go through similar things with his best friend. It was hard to watch, because I was very friendly with the parents and they are a good family. But in private, I told my son that when someone threatens not to be his friend for not going along with his antics, then maybe he wasnt' really his friend. I explained that people who are your friends dont' act like that toward you, and that people have to earn your friendship. He understood this, along with alot of other things I said to him. He learned that he didnt' have to put up with that crap. And although they stayed friends for the rest of the school year, he simply brushed it off when the kid acted that way. He learned that there were other kids out there who would act right and could also be his friend and that he didnt' have to put up with nonsense. Kids should learn early on to stand up for what they believe in and then other people will follow.

All in all, it's normal kid behavior and kids will learn how to deal with these politics as they grow. But I feel it's our job as parents to point out these things to them and help them make choices.

Answer 9

I think that you should count yourself lucky- your daughter is by her actions telling her friend that if you don't like me the way I am, then I'm fine with that. Horray for you!!!

Answer 10

worried for nothing, for sure.