Just started seeing this great guy, but he's quite shy even timid. We seemed to be doing fine and then the other day he started acting aloof, and I know at least some of it is his shyness.
So...How long do you wait on a shy guy before you just give up?
By the way for those that will say it I asked him the other day if he just lost interest and he said no, just gets shyer for a bit before he's comfortable.
If I should wait should I say something to him? It's getting almost to the point of avoidence.
2006-07-21 02:01:51 · 22 answers · asked by attila 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ha, I make mostly all of the 'moves' in our relationship. Just now he doesn't always respond.
Think deer in headlights. It's hard to make moves with little to no encouragement
2006-07-21 02:05:50 · update #1
to answer some of your questions
We've only been together about a month, so the shyness is still to be expected.
We are 'active'
He is almost exactly 2 years older than I am.. so no, no age difference really.
2006-07-21 03:33:32 · update #2
Give him a month and then move on, plenty of fish on the sea... what if he's shy for... other things?
2006-07-21 02:04:35 · answer #1 · answered by CuteSexy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on how much you want him to be part of your life in that special way. Time limits are pretty arbitrary. A week ? A month ? A year ? How long is too long ? How long is too short ? Are you in some kind of hurry ? What's waitin' for you somewhere that you might miss if you don't put a time limit on this endeavor ? You think maybe that you are going to grow old and grey or something ? Ease up, honey. Time limits are not the point here.
First off, "waiting" is not the mode. (What are you ? Some kind of Juliet waiting for Romeo to deny his family and make you his ?) Be in the moment - be in the relationship/friendship at whatever level it is. If you put yourself be in some kind of holding pattern ("waiting" for him to make some kind of move) then he is going to feel that. You want him to be comfortable with you, right ? Well, timing the relationship and setting up some kind of arbitrary goal isn't going to make that happen.
If you want a shy guy to be your guy, then you have to create a place where he is comfortable. That means moving slow, slow, slow. He has to know that he can trust you and that he is going to be "allowed" to be quiet and shy (as is his nature) and that you aren't going to expect him to suddenly become Don Juan and Mr. Disco Fever just because you and he become a couple. Being part of a couple with a shy guy doesn't change the guy - he isn't a tomato - he is what he is. When you pick him off the vine, he will still be a shy guy. He has to feel/know that you aren't expecting any big sea change out of him once the two of you become a couple.
This takes time. Which is why, of course, setting a time limit isn't going to work. Your time may not necessarily be HIS time. And if you were to become a couple, it would probably always be slower than you would like. (See preceding paragraph.)
If you want this guy, just relax and be with him. Let him find his own level with you as time goes by. YOU must be consistent and calm - let the bee come to the honey. The more he finds he can rest and relax around you, the more he will come around you until you two slip into your togetherness like a hand in a glove. Put a time limit on it and set some standard for him to meet and you may as well let him go now.
2006-07-21 02:16:25 · answer #2 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you want from him? You should know that he is not going to change his personality; he will probably always be shy. Is this the type of man that you want? You most likely will alway be like you are pulling teeth when you are with him. It is going to continue to drive you crazy. You have to either accept him as he is and give him time to warm up to you or leave him. I don't know how long you have been seeing him already or what exactly he is doing that is aloof or if he has had this problem in past relationships. If you do stay, find out from him what his pattern is. He may know that it takes him six months to feel comfortable with a girl or he may know that he never really feels comfortable. Just ask about it and make your decision.
2006-07-21 02:10:55 · answer #3 · answered by truly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oooh good question. I am a bit of a shy or reserved kind of guy but when I get comfy, watch-out! Here's some consideration to make, if he is moving too slow for you then you should probably let it go. Shy doesn't necessarily mean that he has to be a great guy. There will be times when he needs to stand up for you. Do you think he'll be capable of doing that? When you bring him around large groups of family, friends, or coworkers will he be embarrassingly glued to a corner of a room or worse yet clinging to your leg?
If you are almost to the point of avoidance just give yourself a little space you don't have to leave the relationship just yet. If/when you decide to leave just make sure to tell him exactly why. He needs to learn.
Do you think it is confidence or just lack of exposure?
For me, it was the latter. But as I began to find myself in different situations I come out a lot faster. In fact, I'm not uncomfortable at all any longer.
2006-07-21 02:09:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there much of an age difference between the two of you? The reason I ask is b/c I am having somewhat of the same situation, I am a bit older than the guy I have been going out with.
2006-07-21 02:53:50 · answer #5 · answered by Missy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and make him comfortable. Shy guys I like I married one they are very dependable and love their mothers. They may also treat you great.
Stoke his ego, smile and give him 2-3 months.It also depends on how often you see him.
Let him do the dating phone calls.
Your body is your sole take care. Sex is supposed to be for love, I assume you want sex from him. They do make good husbands shy men. Extreme shy men can be a problem.
2006-07-21 02:08:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
shyness is not easy to deal with. Most the people I know with shyness has assbergers which is the mildess form of Autism.
The shyness makes it so hard to deal with people and these guys and girls need extra love and attention. I beg you not give up on your man. He honestly can not controle the shyness
2006-07-21 02:07:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't wait on him, approach him about it. Don't be mean or condescending, just say something like. I really like you and if you like me you should be willing to open up to me. You should be able to feel comfortable around me. Just be up front, ask him if he wants to be around you if not let him and yourself off the hook, sometimes it is worth the work in relationships, sometimes it is not. Listen to your inner heart and there you will find the answer.
2006-07-21 02:06:02 · answer #8 · answered by babydoll9796 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him som time and space, about a couple of more month, and if he is still the same way, then you would be wise to move on.
2006-07-21 02:08:25 · answer #9 · answered by WC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cure Social Anxiety Shyness - http://SocialAnxiety.uzaev.com/?ZFps
2016-06-21 07:14:23 · answer #10 · answered by Jeniffer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋