what now? (pls read the question,remember me?)?

Question

so okay,i've come to see my fiance so as to tell him what his best pal told me.but when i arrived at his office to meet up,i saw his pal.his pal told me that he said everything to my fiance.when me and my fiance talked it over,i discovered that his pal has made up so much untruthful stories about us..having a secret affair.i explained everything to my fiance.i told him i've never cheated on him and that im only his.he believed me but told me to postponed our wedding for the meantime.for the situation isn't good..i understand him but is it right for him to cut his communication with me? i know he needs time and space to think about things and i gave him that but what im afraid is,my man for 8 years and turning 9 now would just one day come to me then tell me that,"let's just cancel this wedding."..i fear for that..i can't afford to lose the first and last man that i've loved for all of my life..this is getting into me..im not having a cold feet case anymore..its fear im feeling now..

Answer 1

This so called friend should be confronted by both of you. I find it very hard to believe a man that has been with you for so long would be seriously thinking or believing what lies his so called pal has been saying..

I think there are trust issues at stake here-- I think that his trust in you has been compromised badly even though you have told him to his face that none of the lies are true, If he continues to believe his friend over you, i would question marriage. Commitment trust love and respect are the main ingredients but if he cant trust you, there is no way he will be walking down that aisle.

My question is, is his friend jealous of what you have? why would he be telling your fiance that he is sleeping with you? You both need to go and see this so called pal and have it out with him, Your fiance should then be able to look into both your eyes and work out that he is indeed a liar.

Good luck

Answer 2

Give him the time and space he needs, he doesn't know what's going on in his head right now. Your fiancee says he believes you, he may not be upset with you, he may be upset with his buddy. I mean, this is his best man, right? He's probably his best bud, and telling your best friend you're having an affair w/your gal just isn't being much of a friend, no matter how you cut it, weather it's true or not. Guys tend to really internalize things when they're working out a problem, my husband will really withdraw big time. I'll think he's upset with me, but he's not. BUT, if I bug him, ask him what's wrong, keep asking "are you mad at me, what did I do?" he'll GET mad at me. It's taken me YEARS to realize this, and even now I don't 100% get it. It's totally different from the way women operate when we've got a problem. It's a real mess you've got here, Mr. best man is really doing a good sabotage number on you. I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 3

Give him some space,let him think about it for a month or so If you love him like you say you do after being together for 8 yrs.1-2 more months should kill you.let him find out on his own if his friend is telling the truth or not,and if he come back to you and he doesn't want to marry you then it's loss not yours.Sometimes putting in to much work make you look like the guilty one.I can understand how you feel about all the time and love that you have put into this relationship but try to remember there are people who have married and find out 8-10 yrs later that it was a mistake.Hope everything works out for you.

Answer 4

Put yourself in your fiance's position.
You have been told by your best friend that your fiance and her have been having an affair and your friend being your best friend you believe them,the devastation must be unreal.
Your heads spinning with all this and you thought the person you loved loved you back but now after finding out they are having an affair with the only friend you have ever trusted, just dont know anymore.
THEN
Out of the blue your friend tells you they made the affair up and it never did happen,
How would you feel?
would you be able to restore the trust you thought you lost,restore it in that instant?
No one could
The seed of doubt has been planted and its going to take alot to restore the trust,
Wouldnt you want time to yourself to get your head sorted and to figure it out what you want to say/do to your best friend and also to figure out how you even believed your best friend in the beginning.
Give your fiance the time and space he needs,this must have taken its toll on him,especially since it was his best friend telling him you were having an affair.
This must be an awful situation to be put in,your fiance may decide to forget either his best friend or you,either way that is out of your control.
The only thing you can do is wait for him and hope your fiance makes the right decision.
Remember,you and his best friend are the only 2 people in his life that he should be able to truely trust and this bond has been completely torn apart.
Give him the space he needs,he will make the right decision in the end.
Good luck

Answer 5

Give him some space. His friend is trying to break you two up (some friend) and if you keep rushing in trying to explain, then your fiance will start to believe his buddy. When you guys are together, don't keep bringing it up. The two of you will need to sit down eventually and hash everything out, but there's no real guarantee that you will still get married and the more you push, the more suspicious he will become. I wish I could give you more hope, but there's no real way to know for sure.

My husband and I had a similar situation when I became pregnant with our daughter (she's 13). His buddy kept telling everyone that he was the baby's father and that REALLY caused some tension until she was born . . . she looks just like my husband.

Come to find out, the buddy did it at the urging of my husband's ex-gf because she wanted him back (the buddy's step-brother was married to the ex-gf) and the buddy was jealous because my husband gets everything (yeah, right). It blew up in all of their faces and despite breaking up a few times, we've been together for 14 years (married for one) and have three children together.

Good luck and everything will work out the way it's meant to be.

Answer 6

Cant you show him the question you put on here explaining your predicament? It might be embarrassing but it would prove you were concerned that this guy would do this. If not then why not try writing him a letter, tell him that you respect he needs some space to get his head straight but you are to scared to leave things as they are and scared of losing him. 9 years is a long time, what a mess i cant believe a so called friend would do this. Man i will E Mail him and tell him what an utter sh*t h*ad he is!!! I dont think its wrong that your man wants some time alone to think he must be very confused, dont give up on him. Keep us posted xx

Answer 7

this is the worst case scenario for a guy, you don't know who to beleive, your best friend wouldnt say this if it was not true, but your fiance is also the one you once trusted. I would need space to think, I would need proof that you have cheated, but maybe he doesn't. Maybe he will take his friends word over yours.

You should confront the best man, to get all three of you together and talk so that you can uncover the best mans lies, though if he is a good lier then who knows, so arrange for yourself and the best man to take a lie detector test through your fiance, its doubtfull the best man will agree to this, this will prove his guilt. Though lie detectors can be beat there is little else I can suggest as this is as hard a situation on trust as it gets.

Answer 8

Sorry but regardless of what you fiancee told you - he believes his 'bud'. If he had absolute trust in you (which he should have done) he would have listened to you, told you he would speak to his bud to give him a piece of his mind, NEVER see the lying son of a ***** again, and married you at the earlist opportunity. What the hell does he need space and time to think for - YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. Sorry, but get out now. I know it will break your heart and you will feel your life is over for a while, but there will be somebody else out there for you. Give yourself the chance to find him. You've spent 8-9 years with this guy and at the first bit of badmouthing he ducked - what would happen if something REALLY serious went wrong.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do - my heart goes out to you.

Answer 9

You both need to sit ur fiance's friend down and confront him on every single thing he has told your fiance. Ask him what was his reason for saying that. If you are both there then he cant weasle his way out of it. He can try to lie but then he will have to make up another lie on top of that one. He probably has done some damage to your relationship. If you really want to prove he is wrong go have a lie detector test done.

Answer 10

Your fiance doesn't trust you. Is he really the one who you would like to spend your life with and who trusts his friend more than he trusts you? You have invested a lot of time in the relationship but it's not too late to give it up..It's better now then later.

You should find out why your friend is so into postponing your wedding?