Who has had their life screwed up by the foster care system gone bad?

Answer 1

Thankfully I've never had to go through the American foster system, but I have plenty of experiences with it and can say that it is a flawed system.

My parents have adopted four children internationally, two from China and two from Russia. They grew up in orphanages. They were in poor regions, but growing up in orphanages assured they were not abused, they got proper schooling and physical, sexual and emotional abuse is almost non-existant compared to American foster care system. The individuals that work in the orphanages over there have genuine care for the children.

But onto the American foster care system. Over the years by parents had seven kids from the foster care system, groups of siblings.

In one instance, there were African American siblings, a very bright and cool 10 year old boy and his 4 year old sister who was developmentally disabled, and essentially un-adoptable because of her behavior problems. We grew attached to the boy, but his sister was resistant. We were one of many families who had taken care of these kids, and every time they were sent to the next family because of that little girl. Even though the boy and the girl had no interest in staying together (in fact they had other siblings that had been adopted already), the system insisted they remain together, and as a result, the boy, who has a very promising future, couldn't reasonablly be adopted. He even said himself, he wish he could be adopted without his sister because he know it would happen if thats the case. We also had a lot of issues with people working in the foster system telling us we shouldn't adopt them because we were a white family (at the time - our family is now multiracial), and they were black kids. Never mind the fact blacks are 5% of our states population. Ultimately, we had to decline adoption because of those circumstances. The boy, I believe, was screwed over by the system.

We also fostered a set of three siblings, for lack of a better term they were white trash. They were gorgeous kids, 2, 5, and 7 I beieve, the oldest a girl. They had been the victims of constant sexual and emotional abuse. Their previous parents literally had sex in front of them, and the oldest girl was likely molested. They lived in a trailer and the floor, inclding their beds, was covered in trash and the kids often just found a corner to sleep in. The girl was very inappropriately sexual with our family, often making leud innuendos, talking frankly about blowjobs and asking if she was sexy. This was an 8 year old girl. Also her previous father had thrown a knife at her eye (he was aiming for the mother, by the way). The middle boy was also sexually disturbed, sexually harassing my sister and brother. The youngest one, probably the most adorable kid ever, was developmentally way behind. Our family just wasn't able to bond with these kids despite our best efforts. Thankfully, a very wealthy family was able to take them in after us, but who knows if the damage can be fixed.

Sending children from family to family, when many of these families have no intention at all of embracing these children as their own (or adopting them) is just wrong. It is a lazy and inappropriate way to deal with small children. Most of these children go through abuse, sexual, physical or emotional from their foster parents - this is after they've already been removed from their original families for those same reasons. These kids have no stability. Individuals who are lucky enough not to be completely screwed up may be stuck in foster care because they are forced to remain with their siblings. And let me tell you, there are very, very few families out there willing to adopt siblings, especially when one or more of them are developmentally, or mentally screwed up.

The foster system needs to get its priorities straight. Its not about politics. It's not about morals, or putting these children in traditional families. It is about the children. It is about making sure they are loved, and nurtured and cared for by PARENTS that love them unconditionally as if they were their own.

Ultimately, my parents decided that they just couldn't adopt kids from the American foster system because the kids were way too screwed up. My internationally adopted siblings, despite being abandoned in streets, having abusive and alcoholic parents, are completely healthy, completely self-aware and happy with who they are and where they are.

In fact I'd say internationally adopted kids are more socially less screwed up than their American peers because they grew up in orphanages. Orphanage has a nasty connotation of gruel and beatings but they're not like that at all. These kids were cared for, grew up with other children, went to school, were cared for, and above all their countries searched for parents in America with very strict guidelines, ensuring these kids lead healthy, productive lives in America instead of becoming their parents in their own countries.

Screw the foster system!

Answer 2

You?

But how does that fit under religion and spirituality?