Parents that kidnap?

Question

My daughter's sperm donor threatened to take her out of state, not because he wants her but because he knows it will hurt me. As I have full custody, this is kidnapping but he doesn't care as we have a court order for child support and when he leaves the state, he gets away with not paying because they can't find him even tho he has a job. I think about all of the missing children and I wonder how the parent who took them got away with it? I realize that some of them work under the table to avoid paying taxes but I can't believe that all of them are doing this. What is it that they do to stay undetected? Why aren't these parents being found by their SS#'s?

pshdsa....my sperm donor is just that...a sperm donor...he HASN'T SEEN HER since she was 9 mths old. Creating a child doesn't make you a parent, whether you are a man or woman. I just happen to work in a place where he sees me to say these things...

Answer 1

Make sure that her school and daycare know that he is not allowed to take your child. Tell them. Also give it to them in writing. They should have some policies and proceedures about who is allowed to pick up your child.

Your state should be able to work with other states about the child support issue, but it will take some time. That you have a court order helps a lot, contact the child support office in the state that he's in (your caseworker should do this for you) and the other state has to help.

Good luck. Also, I'd avoid speaking to him in any way. He doesn't have custody, and you can chase down the child support through your caseworker. Tell your caseworker also about the kidnapping threat, kidnapping is a felony offense.

Since he's hating and threatening and wanting to hurt you, you shoud just not play those games with him, and that's why you should avoid him if he keeps trying to suck you into these games.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, many parents who do steal their children get away with it because law enforcement see it as a low priority case (mainly because it's unlikely that parent will harm the child-- phsyically anyway). I'm not even sure if it is always referred to as kidnapping as some take the viewpoint that you can't kidnap your own child even if you are the non-custodial parent. If you feel your ex is a threat then you need to take steps to protecting your child.

Alert your child's school about the possible kidnap threat from your ex and warn them not to allow him on school property let alone pick her up. Ensure that if you can't accompany her to school, clubs or friends' places then someone you trust does it for you as he might take any opportunity he can to grab her. In the UK, there are provisions to stop the non-custodial parent from applying for a passport for the child so maybe it would be a good idea to see if the same applies in the US just protect your child further.

Have you seen a lawyer regarding his harassment and threats as it would be a good idea to at least have a word to one. You may need to prevent him having non-supervised contact with the child if he seems serious. Keep a diary of everything your ex says as written evidence of his threats.

Your ex may be your daughter's father but from the way he's carrying on, it seems all he cares about is his selfish self otherwise he wouldn't contemplate taking her away from her own mother. And so, you need to be one step ahead of him. You may also need to prepare your daughter (depending on her age) to memorise her full name and address and how to go to the police if she is ever seperated from you even by her Dad.

Answer 3

Whom you are calling "sperm donor" is no sperm donor at all, but your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband. You hate him and therefore you cannot bring yourself to admit he was your boyfriend/husband or the father of your little girl. That will never change. Just as you are the mom, he is the dad. You may have custody, but unless this man is deemed by the judge to be a danger to your child or to you, surely he has visitation rights. In most cases the parent who loses custody gets the child for a time during the summer and on certain days during the week. Judges by default grant the mother custody, and the dad pays child support according to his ability. I would like to hear his side of the story. Dads get normally screwed in these proceedings.
Obviously he has been made angry. Therefore he threatens to take the child. Perhaps it is to get back at you; perhaps he deems you an unfit parent. Who knows without a neutral party letting us know what is up. My strong advice to you is to get hold of yourself and refuse to say anything negative about your daughter's father to her. She will grow up wanting to find him. Kids have this natural homing device looking for dad. She will hear her father's side of the story one day. If all she has heard from you is acrimony, you will lose favor. If on the other hand she hears from him that you are horrible, and you have been nothing but a model citizen, she will be on your side. Trust me on this: Many a mom who has sacrificed and raised a child, finds their Ex entering the child's life after most of the work has been done. Mom goes berserk with hurt that her child betrays her like this, never realizing that the desire of her child is natural. By going berserk, the child is practically pushed over to dad. I was a baby that was kidnapped by my father. The divorce was nasty. My Mom got me back. I found my Dad when I grew up. My Mom had been a model citizen. She just said he was dead. Never a negative word. Anyway, I heard my father's side of the story and I knew my mother well enough that I knew what he said was not true. In many cases where a father does not pay child support, the reason they get away with it is because the mother fears that if she makes an issue of it, he may make moves to take the child or worse. So mothers don't go to law enforcement. That's the main reason. No matter how mad and angry you get, never forget that for every action there is a reaction. So don't rush in like a bull in a china shop, accusing, dehumanizing, spouting angry words. Consider what is truly best for you and your daughter and make your actions create that reality. It is not in your best interest to antagonize your Ex.

Answer 4

Alert the police see if you can get a restriction order informed the school , day care and the people besides you who take care of her not to let her go with any one, try not to go out alone with her, be alert. It is true some "parents''' don;t care about the consequences and the damage they are doing to the kids , this people must be away from their kids because they don't think things true.... Just pray & have fait that nothing wrong will happend & take care of your little girl GOOD LUCK & best wishes!!!