Why have all the girls I have known done this?

Question

All the girls I have known and tried to go out with has always not wanted a "real" relationship but they wanted a purely physical relationship (grand total of 5). Are all girls like this? I try telling them that I am abstinent and stuff but still they just want a physical relationship. It feels like a slap in the face when they say it because it is insulting to me and my morals to keep that kind of relationship...and this last one I just can't seem to let go...Why are they doing this to me?

most of u r asking my age im 15 and i m NOT picking up these girls in bars and clubs, they like friends of friends that i meet at bday get togethers at arcades or next door neighbors etc etc etc. (i go to an all boyz skool so the skool is not the best place to meet girls...)

Answer 1

because, they just dont want to get involved in a emotional relationship because they are affraid of getting hurt or find it a waste of time. and not all girls are like that. you just have to wait for the right one, and when she comes youll know.

Answer 2

Can I ask how old you are and how old are the girls? Society has made it seem that NOT having sex is almost a bad thing, like there's something wrong with you. By not having sex, you are saving a great gift to give to the person you love with all your heart. By not having sex, you are not putting your health at risk for some communicable disease, both troublesome and fatal. By not having sex, you are not risking geetting hung up a person for purely physical reasons that might keep you in a relationship that has nothing BUT the physical "goodness" when the rest of the relationship should be 86'd.

I can't speak to why this last one is harder to let go; maybe you were in love for the first time. This is a good thing! It should show you the potential depth of feelings you can and should have for the woman you finally give yourself to.

Don't try to figure out why it didn't work; why these girls you've been dating can't see the whole picture rather than the narrow vision of what they think a "real" relationship should be. Concentrate on what it is you don't want in a partner, not so much on what your DO want. Sometimes when you look for only what you want, you tend to ignore the blatently obvious things you don't want or need. Look past the packaging and delve into the person inside. I don't know if your last GF's were beautiful or not but I'll let you in on a secret: some plain girls tend to blossom into unbelievably beautiful woman with the right sort of attention. (I can perrsonally attest to this.)

Relax and let it all go. If and when you are ready and have found the girl to let your hair down with, per se, it will happen. You always find or remember things you've been trying your darnedest to find when you move onto to other things.

Take care and relax! She's out there somewhere.

Answer 3

I don't pretend to understand why these girls do as they do. Rest assured, there really are girls out there who are going to make sure, with their beloved, to put each other in first place and make a permanent commitment, before getting sexually involved.

I mean, I can't believe these girls really want the complications that always happen if you don't do that first. That having been said, that's not the best reason to do things that way. The best reason is because you love God and love your neighbor (including the girl you're with :> ).

It sounds like you need to find better company, or else just not have any, and occupy yourself with God and with loving everyone around you equally unless/until He brings the right person into your life.

This sounds like a great opportunity to get very clear that you really do prefer celibacy and not having anyone, rather than having someone whose moral standards make it impossible to have a proper relationship (after all, you are only responsible for your half of the relationship, right?).

May God bless you and give you the strength to do the right thing as you put your hope in Him(*).

Answer 4

You must know some really strange girls...in my part of the country girls are always looking for real relationships and not just sex. Many girls, including me, would love and respect the fact that you are trying to stay a virgin. I only know a couple guys who are still virgins, and most of them are only virgins because nobody wants to be with them. There are only about 3 that I know who are actually saving it with a reason. I think it's very sweet of you to want a real relationship, you sound like a real catch. My problem is that by the time I'm ready to be married, all the good guys like you will be taken.

Answer 5

What's immoral about a physical relationship? Obviously we have different ideas of morality,but you have to accept that the reason that guys and girls get together is because of hormones, of the basic drive to reproduce. If they are not sexually attracted to you, they are not going to go out with you, and if they are, they will want a physical relationship. Buy some condoms and make a connection with a lovely, loving woman. The sky won't fall down.

Answer 6

Wow dude,
It seems like you are meeting the wrong girls. Try to meet some at church, school or activities that may make them have similar interests as yours. I applaud your abstinence. I am sure you will meet a girl who is wonderful and deserving of a man like you. Keep with your morals and do not let anyone sway you. All girls are not like that, I guarantee it.

Answer 7

first of all i respect your choice of lifestyle i wish i could be the same way at times. i could also see however where it would be hard. as a female who isn't a virgin, i know what i'd be missing out on and would want that. sex does give a different emotion to a relationship and when it got to that point i'd want that from you. have you tried to stick it out, or do you let it get to that one encounter and cut and run? i think if a girl really respected you and wanted to be with you (i know it'd be a struggle for myself, and i'd try) they would get passed it. you have to keep in mind you are rejecting these women in a way (that is respectful toward them in a way) that can hurt. the whole "your not attracted to me, you think i'm fat, i'm not good enough....etc" so if they aren't very self confident to begin with you could be devistating thier self esteem....so give it time, and don't lead them on. if you'd rather not waste the time of going thru a few dates or whatever, just say it right up front. no harm no fowl, no feelings hurt.

Answer 8

I give you props for the abstinence!!! Thats awesome. But to answer you question, for me what i want changes everyday. One day i want a serious relationship, one day i want just somebody to chill with, and one day i want to be alone. So maybe thats what it is. Maybe the girls that you have tried to have a relationship wit are don't have the same mindset as you. you just havent found one that thinks the way you do. Just be patient and in the mean time don't settle. Don't lower your standards.

Answer 9

I guess it depends on the girl, but also on your age group. Some younger people feel that the only good relationship is a physical one. More mature people realize that the physical side is great, but that there needs to be real substance beneath it for it to work.

Answer 10

Nope, all girls aren't like that. It may seem like it - five might not seem like a big number, unless you're the one dating them, but look at it this way, there are billions of girls all over the world, so five isn't, as they say in statistics, a "representative sample."

Lots of girls think they "have" to have sex, or are "expected" to, even if you say you aren't ready. Lots of guys think the same thing. So the issue is probably going to come up again.

Have you told them "I want to get to know who you really are - I want to get to know you as a person, what you like, what you don't like. If we jump right to sex, how will I ever get to really know you?"

You might think about which girls you ask out, and where you're meeting them. As I've heard old hunters say, "You got to shoot the ducks where they live." In other words, if you're hunting for ducks, you go where ducks are, and if you're hunting for girls who are happy to wait before having sex, you try church groups, and volunteer groups, and places where girls congregate who are doing something else other than hanging out, waiting for guys to pick them up.

What you're after, from your letter, is a relationship with someone who likes you as a person, and respects your right to decide what to do with your own body without feeling the need to make an issue of it. There are a LOT of girls who would love to find a guy who would treat them with that kind of respect in return - you need to get out and meet a larger number of girls until you find one you "click" with.

Answer 11

well i congratulate u man stay strong. its a hard world to stay abstinent. if that is all the girls want is a physical relationship they arent worthy of your strong will and personality. the reason y they are doing it to u is just showing u that they are loose whores, basically. and i can understand where it can get very aggravating. peer pressure is a bit ch and keep it up by keeping it down. you will find a lovely girl who will not just want you for sex. once again congratulations and dont let the woMAN get u down.