My fiancee and I are having a hard time compromising about our wedding...?

Question

We plan on marrying in 1 yr. No set date yet. He wants a non-traditional wedding. His 2 best friends got married at the beach and his sis got married in the mts. He is dead set that 1 of these ways is the way to go for us. I will admit that these weddings were beautiful & different, but it's just not for me.

I, on the other hand, am VERY traditional in almost every aspect of life. I want a nice church wedding with the beautiful gown and the string quartet. With a wild and crazy reception where ALL mine & his friends and family can attend.

I feel if we go off somewhere I will not have all the people I want to be there in attendance. We cannot seem to come to a compromise. Don't get me wrong. I want him to be involved, but I never thought it was going to be this difficult. In the entire 3 yrs we have been dating I never knew he was so dead set on a beach type of wedding. He never protested when I described my dream wedding. How can we compromise?? Anybody been in a similar sit?

Money is NOT an issue.
We are not fighting over it and if he is dead-set that either we get married on a beach or we don't get married, then I will pick the beach, of course.
I'm not looking for relationship advice. I'm looking for wedding planning advice. Just wondered if anyone had any input if they had been in the same situation.

We live in Middle Tennessee, close to Nashville. Beautiful mountains and lakes, but no beach.

Answer 1

Ok the person who said you won't care years from now is wrong, and so is the person who said it's "your" day. I've been married for 12 years and I am very glad that I had a traditional wedding and reception. Having all your friends and family around is the best. I love weddings. Also, it's not just your day, it's his day too, so he should get a say in the planning, which you have obviously considered.

You guys need to talk about what he liked about his siblings weddings. Maybe he doesn't want a huge affair because of all the people, is he shy? You say money isn't an issue but have the two of you actually talked about that, maybe he thinks it's a waste of money. A destination wedding like his brothers had includes the cost of the honeymoon and maybe that's the appeal for him. Does he like the fact that the weddings were outside? If that's the case you can find somewhere a little closer to home than the beach. If it's the beach part that he likes, I'm not sure what to tell you except that you'll have to work that out between the two of you. I will say that I'm not a fan of outdoor weddings, because the weather doesn't usually cooperate, especially at the beach. I used to have a beach house in Duck, NC and the weather is not consistent, plus there are those icky flys that come out if the wind is blowing the wrong way. The problem with the outside is that there is alot of nature. You know I just thought of something, were the beach weddings really casual? Maybe he doesn't want to wear a tux, I know most men don't like them. Good luck, I hope you guys figure it out. My vote is for the hometown wedding with all the friends and family you can afford.

Answer 2

Try and compromise, I know it is easier said than done, but there has to be some solution. Since you live somewhere that does not have a beach, how about checking out the lakes in the area? It is still a body of water, maybe your fiance' would be willing to compromise there. Also, sometimes lakes have parks with gazebos or even a beautiful natural background with flowers etc. You can still decorate the area and set it up as if it were in a church by rolling out the white (plastic)carpet to for the aisle, rent pretty chairs for the ceremony..and I am sure a string quartet would be willing to go there too!

The only thing you cannot really plan for is the weather, so if it is possible to have a back up plan at the place of your ceremony, possibly an indoor hall of somesort, those types of places would be your best choice. Besides when it come down to it, does it really matter where you are married? Shouldn't the content of your vows, your family and friends being there be the more important part? You can still have your gown too! Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Sorry, but if you are having a problem with coming to an acceptable compromise for the wedding, how do you think married life will be? This isn't looking good. Besides, it's a good thing that you haven't set a date yet because you both need to work on communication and compromise.

Okay, you're in Tennessee . . . there are a ton of lovely places you could choose. You could still have your traditional wedding (including string quartet and gown) at a lake or the mountains. Check out the resorts and you may be able to have the "wild and crazy" reception as well.

Why don't you both sit down (separately and alone) and make a list of everything you want for your wedding. The next step would be to compare these lists and look for similarities . . . these go onto a third list titled, "Our Wedding". Then you both need to discuss the remaining items on both lists nonjudgmentally. Listen to each other's ideas and reasoning (if any) behind the choices.

Everything will turn out the way it is meant to, but it will take alot of work on both of your parts.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I have a compromise for you to consider. What about a wedding next to a lake in the mountains that is formal with the bridal gown and everything?

We do these weddings on the beach almost every day, full formal weddings, the bride being walked down the isle covered by either flower petals, or red carpet. Set up the chairs in rows, set up a portable gazebo, have a string quartet playing, etc. and you have a beautiful location for a wedding that has the outdoor elements that he wants, and the formal elements that you want.

If you want, I can help you with the details of how to get it all set up.

Answer 5

sit down and make a list of the things that are most important to you, have him do the same. If he wants something unique, and you want traditional, do both. Some priests will marry you outside of the church. Why can't you have the string quartet outside at the beach? There has to be a way you both can get what you want.

It sounds as if this day is very important to him too, which is great. My husband had ideas too which we did. I have a friend who got married last year, her husband would say "how about if we do this..." she would look at him and say NO. It was the worst wedding I've ever been to.

You both need to give a little and make it a unique, traditional wedding that both of you want. Good luck.

Answer 6

SIMPLE ANSWER: If its not a money matter, do both ! Yourwedding is one unique day that will happen only once in your life. Just ask him how he'd feel if you don't accept his proposition ! He'll also understand how you'd feel to give up your childhood drams. So, if money is there, make each other happy and do whatever you both want to do ! For us in India, wedding celebration can take one whole week, because there's nothing to be compared to that happy event !!! A nice thing to remember about your relationship such as your wedding should be celebrated the best way you can ! Now, you can sacrifice a little your wish and do his style celebration first, and then, make the church celebration later. Even though, I think your man should be a gentleman and let you celebrate the wedding at church first and then at the beach.

BUT STILL: Sorry, but I find it just D U M B to compromise the relationship because of such a small issue !!

Answer 7

Well, I ran this past my husband of 20+ years, who said, "You can't give wedding advice without giving relationship advice." I get his point - the planning of the wedding arises out of your relationship.

The answer almost (hear me out) doesn't matter. What matters, in terms of your lives after the wedding, is how you resolve this. If one person "wins" and another "gives in," neither of you will end up happy with the results.

If you work together to find something you can both be satisfied with, you'll end up with the feelings and experience that you want, and happy memories.

What about a small church in a beautiful setting? Some small churches in rural towns have gorgeous outdoor areas. If you married, say, outside a small church, in the garden, wouldn't that be both a "church" wedding and outdoors?

Look for a little church with a beautiful setting that's within travel distance for most of your guests, in a small, rural town. There are some really beautiful old churches, and if he wants to get married outside, you could do that, but still have those stained glass windows in the background. Perhaps split the ceremony - have a dedication ceremony, where you thank the people important to you, inside the church, then tie the knot under a canopy outside.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Where do you live and what activites are close by? Who says you can't have both. If money is not an issue then the location should not be either. Look into a lakeside cottage or hotel nearby and rent lots of chairs and have an outdoor ceremony overlooking the lake. The Pastor at your church can prefrom it there. He gets his scenery and you get your church. Or find a Church at a place nearby. Look for a reception site that could be covered with beautiful white tents that are thin enough to see the stars at night. Outdoor receptions are usually pricey because you have to rent everything. If I knew what area you were in I could give you more options. If you want you can contact me through answers.

You live an absolutely gorgeous area! There are a ton of places you could get married. He did afterall say one of his brothers was married in the mountains. If your parents are shelling out for it his side has no right to limit the guest list anyway. Tell him how important it is to you to have all of those you care about to share in your special day. I actually answered a question like this from a girl who lives in Tennessee and she gave me best answer. Go here to see what she asked and to get the website info I gave her.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApOu8bwkyPEU3aIKJJRgBl7sy6IX?qid=20060706220700AAmJSH8

http://www.wedalert.com/local_wedding_se...

http://www.wedalert.com/local_wedding_services/tennessee/index.asp

That is the actual website. Good luck!

Answer 9

I have to admit, this is a tough one! I think that there a lot of factors that come into play when trying to compromise on a wedding location. One of the main factors is the reason behind the location (why is one so hell bent on a particular location). Maybe you could have one and incorporate a theme for that location. For example, if you have a traditional church wedding, chose a tropical or beach style theme and color scheme to coordinate so that everyone gets a little something out of it. I am not saying bring some sand in the church and wear bathing suites, but maybe the bridesmaids can have a fun flower in their hair, and nice triopical colored gowns, and the guys do something fun with the tux (within reason of course)...but just try to meet halfway. I think that it will be detrimental in one says "this is the way i want it, end of story." Find the balance. It is possible, I know I have been there!

Answer 10

Sorry, but I think it is silly that you are fighting over which kind of wedding you are going to have. It really shouldn't matter. It's not about the wedding, it's about the relationship. Also, a wild and crazy reception does not sound traditional to me.

Why not have a very simple church wedding, and then have a simple reception near, or even on the beach or in the mountains?Why not stop worrying about the relationship and what he is not doing and concentrate on the rest of your lives together, that's what really matters.