what is your favorite....................................?

Question

what is your favorite riddle or joke?
tell me and the best get 12 points!

Answer 1

The 10 points are only obtained, is there are enough votes, right?


Holliday Eats

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line.

She also wants him to put the words "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.

The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Claus with "Merry Christmas" on her left thigh just below the bikini line.

So the guy does that one and it turns out pretty good as well.

As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"

She replies, "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there is nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

Answer 2

Q: Can you guess the name of a first year natural science college student who scored one "C" and 4 "F"s in five courses?

A: Carbon Tetrafluoride.


A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks "How much?"
The bartender says, "For you, no charge."


Q. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A. One molar solution.



Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.

Q. Where does one put the dishes?
A. In the Zinc.

Answer 3

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not there 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars." He says, "All I got is thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?" "A hand job".

She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE penis. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"

Answer 4

A woman was driving along, and her car broke down. She decided to hitchhike to the nearest gas station. A truck driver hauling a load of chickens pulled up. The driver asked, "Hey, little lady, need a lift?"

"Yes, my car broke down, and I need a ride to the nearest gas station."

The driver replied, "OK, but first you have to f*ck me! No f*ck, no ride."

She said, "I'm sorry, I don't need a ride that badly."

So the driver pulled away. All this time, the driver had a parrot on his shoulder. The parrot started saying, "No f*ck, no ride! No f*ck, no ride!" The driver said, "You had better shut up, bird, or I'm gonna throw you in back with the chickens!"

About two miles down the road, the parrot said, "No f*ck, no ride!" So the driver slammed on the breaks and threw him in back with the chickens! About 2 more miles further down the road, the driver heard sirens and saw flashing lights, so he pulled over. He got out of the truck and approached the officer. "What's the problem, officer. I wasn't speeding was I?"

The officer said, "I wasn't pulling you over for speeding. I just wanted to inform you that you have a parrot throwing chickens out the trailer screaming, "No f*ck, no ride! No f*ck, no ride!"

Answer 5

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"

Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says.

"Yeah?" says the counterman. "You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts."


NASTY, BUT FUNNY!

Answer 6

Two men sit on the porch, man 1 and man 2. Man 2 sees another man on a horse. he ask man 1 who the man on the horse was. he says that he does know the man, in fact hes related to that man. man 2 says how? Man 1 said, "brothers and sisters have i none, but that man's father is my fathers son."
Who's the man on the horse?

Answer 7

OK, so a priest, a rabbi and a pastor walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey what is this? A joke?"

Answer 8

why is it not good to do math in the jungle?

Because when u add 4 +4 you get 8(ate)

Answer 9

personally, i like

"ya wanna hear a dirty joke?"
"sure"
"a boy fell in a mud puddle"

lol, im a freaking retard tho, so....... XD lol

Answer 10

why is 6 scared of 9 ?

cause 7,8,9
^
(ate)