My adult children are living with me and my two young children but the adults do nothing to help outwhat do i?

Question

I made the mistake of going to jail for three years leaving my then three children with my mom.I've been out for 3 years now and doing good,should i feel guilty because i want my eldest out on there own?to handle life responsibly? they both work and use there paycheck for the party life without contributing one cent to the household.I must add i am living in a three b.r. unit and my oldest son age 22 has taken over my 2 year olds room leaving my little one to sleep with me. Am i wrong???

Answer 1

Show 'em the door!! I think your older ones would greatly benefit from having to be responsible for themselves. Not to mention what this is teaching your younger ones.
If that is just too harsh for you to do at this point, make them pay rent with the consequence of eviction for non-payment. I mean if no boundaries have been set prior to this, it may be the better way to go. My heart goes out to you, because I know this is a tough decision. I had the same situation with my 18 yr. old. But the good thing is, he's still alive and my other kids know that their parents aren't going to let them get away with that either.
Really proud of you for getting your life back on track, too!

Much Love!!

Answer 2

It is rough when adult children live at home, they want to be grown but they dont want the responsibility. Tell them they have to pay a certain amount for rent, utilities and food etc. and then make sure it happens. Make sure it is enough that they will notice the difference in their pockets. They will soon decide that if they have to pay you they might as well get their own place together and share expenses to make it easier. The 2 year old is your primary responsibility - you have done what you can for the adult ones, although you can always be there to help them when you can, emotionally or financially. It is now their time to mature and find their own way.

Answer 3

It is time to set boundaries....don't feel guilty for the past b/c it sounds like you are motivated and remember to put the best interests of your youngest children upfront...sit down and have a family meeting with the oldest ones..explain that since they are adults, you expect them to contribute to household expenses...start off by asking them each to give you $40 a month for groceries and charge rent $100/mo. Tell you 22 year old that it is important for the 2 year old to have his own room and that it is inappropraite for him to be sleeping with you. Tell you son that it is not appropriate for him to share the room w/ the 2 year old. Tell them the 2 oldest will share a room and the 2 youngest will share a room (however, if they are not all boys, then that may be a problem)...set your foot down and don't give in

Answer 4

Woah, talk about mooching big time.

Sounds like it's time to set the "adults" down and set some ground rules. If they were REALLY adults, they would be showing some responsibilty.

1) take back the 2 years old room. When your son is out, move his stuff out of the baby's room. Tell him to sleep on the couch or buy a blow up mattress.

2) set up ground rules for the adults. Don't give them any choice. Tell them that if they don't like the rules, they can find their own place.

3) make sure the rules include them pitching in on food, bills, rent, what have you.

4) If they complain it's not fair, tell them they are adults and this is what adults do. If they complain more, tell them if they don't like it they can move out.

5) stay firm. Don't let them bully you, because they WILL try. Maybe not by force, but perhaps try to "butter you up" so to speak. Don't by into it. If one of them tries to take a hand to you, call the police on them. You're not a punching bag.

6) don't back down. If you say you want them to help out, MEAN IT! Stay consistant.

7) if they swing the "guilt trip" tell them to knock it off that you don't do guilt trips.

Answer 5

No you are not wrong for expecting your children to be more self sufficient.

Your adult children may be taking advantage of you because they know you feel guilty about leaving them with their grandmother.

The best thing for you to do is to first forgive yourself for what happened in the past. You are only human and you did the best you could at the time.

If you have not formally apologized to your children for your past behavior do so now. Let them know that although you can't change what has already happened, you are working harder at being a better mother now.

Being a better mother now can mean teaching them to be responsible, and self-reliant. Notify your adult children that they will need to move out of the house within 3 months. That's more than enough time to prepare to move. In the interim make them contribute to the household by collecting rent payments to go towards food, telephone, water, etc...and if they object let them know they can move out sooner if they'd like.

Stand firm with your decision, and make no exceptions.

They may be angry with you for a while, but ten years from know they will appreciate what you did.

It worked because my mom did this to me. LOL

Answer 6

You are absolutely not wrong. While it is unfortunate that you went to jail and they lived with your mother, they are adults and need to behave that way.

Immediately put your two year old back in his room and the 22 year old can sleep on the couch or the floor. If you do want them to stay with you, tell them that as of this week, they will be charged rent, utilities, and food. If they don't pony up, change the locks.

If you don't want them to stay, tell them they have one week to find another place to live. If they're not on the lease for the apartment, you are perfectly within your rights to kick them out. If they are on the lease, tell them you'll take them to small claims court.

This will be difficult but you must do it. The reason they continue to take advantage of you is because you let them. Stand up for yourself and your two younger children. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

No, you should not. Most likely your oldest son has had it easy, living with your mother. Now it is time for him to grow up and start living his own life. He should work and save money then get his own place. But has long as he can live there rent free etc, he is not going any where. Tell them they are to start giving you money and them tell them you want them to get there own place. So you 2 year old can move back into his own room. You need your privacy and and your own room. I know it is hardf but give them a time limit and stick to it. At least they need to help you so you can pay the bills , electric , phone etc ,They should each pay a third them. . Pem

Answer 8

Regardless of your past, if your 22 year old is living at home and spending his check on partying, not contributing or helping out, there's nothing wrong with telling him that no one gets a free ride. I'd give him a choice -- you either pay rent, help out, give the 2 year old back their room, or leave. Which do you prefer?

Answer 9

Sounds like you have had a rough time of it, but your trying to turn your life around. I commend you for that. I would say to sit down and talk to your older kids and tell them that you need help with the household bills. Give them a set amount they will have to pay you each month and tell them if they won't agree to it then they will have to find somewhere else to live. Tell them this is not only to help you with the expenses, but to teach them responsibility. I wish you the best, your not alone, there are many families like you out in this world today.

Answer 10

no your not wrong,even if you did go to jail we all make mistakes bu that is why life keeps living and going we learn from them,your son being 22 needs to move out of home he needs to know what responsibility is,you could have a family dinner and discuss who will pay for what or how much they will pay per week to cover the costs,alos another thing you could do is imply you are wanting to find another place to move into have anew start for your self and young child that way they can move on,whene i was 22 i was in my own home with my child and had my own car working and paying my own bills if you dont teach them responisbility now at age 22 whene will they learn??