Ok, I was invited to a shower for my husband's cousin on the 30th of this month. I told them I would go, but then today I recieved an invitation in the mail for another shower on the same day. The big thing is, I'm a bridesmaid in the wedding of the later-recieved one. What should I do? They are both at the same time in the afternoon. Also, do I buy a present for the cousin-in-law if I don't attend her shower? I'd rather go to my good friend's shower, than my husband's cousin, but I don't want to be rude.
2006-07-20 15:48:27 · 15 answers · asked by danac210 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I failed to mention that the friend's shower is being thrown by her soon-to-be husband's female family members and I have never met them. I still feel more obligated to attend hers. What do you think? Does that make any difference in which one I should attend?
2006-07-20 16:05:05 · update #1
Ummmm that's a tough one. I would be honest with your husband;s cousin, and let them know that as you are a bridesmaid in the wedding - you are expected to be there. The date was made and invitations sent out before you could change it. And YES Most definitely you have to send a gift to the other one!..a very NICE one!
2006-07-20 15:54:35 · answer #1 · answered by verdes0j0s 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I think that because you RSVP'd to your husband's cousin's shower than you should go to that one or you will have to tell her the truth and just let her know that your other friend (who your a bridesmaid in her wedding) is having a shower on the same day and you have to go to that. Send a gift even if you don't go. Do not lie to her. However, if your friend is having other showers then I would get the dates now so you don't make other plans and make it a priority to attend the other showers. I'm sure it would mean a lot to your husband's cousin to be at her shower. This is a very important time for her.
2006-07-21 00:04:28 · answer #2 · answered by alfirox2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd call the person who is throwing the cousin's shower and explain that you didn't realize that the shower for the wedding you are in would be on the same day. Leave it at that. If you know the cousin well, I'd send a gift to her after the shower with a little note saying you were sorry you missed the shower. If not, don't bother.
2006-07-21 01:06:12 · answer #3 · answered by Melissa R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say go to the shower of the bride whose wedding you are in. Call and let the other party know that you will be unable to attend, and no, you are not obligated to buy a gift if you do not go to the shower. As for what to tell the cousin about why you are not attending, that's up to you. Depending on her, you might be able to say that you are obligated to attend the other bride's shower, but if not, make up something else. Good luck.
2006-07-20 22:54:38 · answer #4 · answered by lynette21638 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're are a bridesmaid in the wedding how come you didn't know when the shower is? Bridesmaids are the ones who plan and give the shower. I'd say someone isn't keeping you in the loop. Clearly you have to go to the shower you are in the wedding for. No one will care if you don't show up to the other shower as long as you send a nice gift. Call whoever you RSVPd to and explain.
2006-07-20 23:00:35 · answer #5 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go the the shower that I was a bridesmaid in. How close are your really to the husbands cousin? Yes, do buy a gift for the cousin in law and call the cousin in law personally to explain your reasons for not attending. She would expect her bridesmaids to attend her shower so I would think she would understand.
2006-07-20 22:54:48 · answer #6 · answered by damia56 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If one is invited to an affair, and one has a previous engagement, the previous engagement must be kept. That the second invitation may promise one a better time or may be issued by people of more importance doesn't excuse one: A previous engagement MUST be kept.
I'm wondering why the hosts of this second affair didn't warn you ahead of time to keep your calendar open? If they were terribly anxious that you attend, surely they could have given you more than 10 days notice?
What you do is send a gift for the second shower, along with a note regretting that you can't attend due to a previous engagement. If anyone feels that you should have broken your prior commitment, then that person is boor with no idea what is due to common courtesy.
2006-07-21 07:59:50 · answer #7 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you're in the wedding party, it's practically an obligation to attend your friends shower. I'd suggest calling your husbands cousin and explaining the situation, saying that you weren't in on the planning of your friends shower and that you're in the bridal party and apologizing and saying how much you'd like to be able to attend both, and then be sure to send a nice gift (it doesn't have to be expensive, just something you know will be greatly appreciated). She should understand.
2006-07-20 23:12:22 · answer #8 · answered by Queen Queso 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe your husband's cousin will understand you have an obligation to attend the shower for which you will be a bridesmaid at the bride's wedding. Send her your regrets ... along with your gift. Be sure to make time immediately following to stop by her house at a mutually agreeable time to Ooooh and Ahhhh over the gifts she received and any photos that were taken, so she knows you are sorry you missed it.
2006-07-20 22:55:09 · answer #9 · answered by Rvn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make the effort and attend both. Let the cousin know you will drop in with a gift and you will be leaving to be at the shower of the person whose wedding party you are in. Offer to make something or bring something to leave at the first shower. Let the second group know yiu will be a little late because you need to stop in and drop off at the first shower. Be polite and thoughtful.
2006-07-20 23:19:56 · answer #10 · answered by the Goddess Angel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
personally, I would go to either because I think bridal showers are simply an excuse to get gifts and nothing more. You get to celebrate with these people at the wedding so why have a shower? I didnt, but since you are the in wedding I say if your going to go, go to your friends shower. Call his cousin and say you cant make it, but send a gift just because you already said you were going.
2006-07-21 07:10:01 · answer #11 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋