Disciplining my 5 year old daughter?

Question

My daughter just turned five, she is a very good little girl until she doesn't get her way. She back talks, throws things, and is even worse when she is sent to time out. She is even being physically abusive to her 9 yr old brother when he doesn't do what she wants. My husband and I are at our wits end. Give her her way and she is awsome, dont and she lets you know about it. She only acts like t his with us which is a good thing. When I talk about the way she behaves no one can believe it. I never had this issue with our son. Nothing seems to work.

Answer 1

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Answer 2

My daughter just starting doing the same thing at age 4. I actually took everything away from her, even her princess blanket on her bed and her tinkerbell pillow. She's using plain generic everything. She has to earn her stuff back, and it seems to be working. She is still talking back, and she started this screaming thing. So when she starts her screaming, if I just can't take it, I put a mirror in her face so she has to see herself looking that "ugly". You know how little girls want to be pretty little princesses. Well, when she sees herself looking that way, it makes a difference. Usually though, I try to look as pleasant as possibe while I completely ignore her. I got a little fed up for a little bit, so this week on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I said fine, you want to be the boss, you're the boss. You make your own dinner, get up with an alarm, buy your own breakfast, everything on your own. That's what it means to be the boss. She was so smug the first night when she got to have cheetos for dinner, but by the next morning she was so hungry, and tired from sleeping on the floor because she had to buy her own bed, that she was begging me to be the boss again. This has helped in some ways. She is still pushing her boundaries though. She is a strong willed little girl, like a lot of girls are. This is a crucial time though to not let her break you. She is not the boss, and she needs to be very clear about that. If she wins now, she'll walk all over you for the rest of her life. I say, get creative. Do things she isn't expecting, and it will get her attention, instead of her getting your attention. Don't give in, EVER! Even if you have to go in the other room and cry for a minute. Don't let her win! Love her, and help her through her hard times. A couple of times during her fits, I would just wrap my arms a round her as she screamed and kicked, and I would just sing a lullaby, or pray softly. She reacted pretty well to this. I liked it because I felt like I was still controlling the situation by "forcing" her to calm down, but also showing my love by holding her and being gentle. I also try to set the best example as I can, and point out when I am upset and handle it well. We talk a lot. We discuss behavior in the morning on the way to school. Talk, listen, love and don't give in!

Good Luck!

Answer 3

Well, I'm sure you've tried a variety of ideas. She sounds like a very strong-willed child, and that can both be good and bad for you as parents. Regardless, you may want to try some alternative parenting techniques. You may announce that you're tired of her behavior when she doesn't get her way. Talking back, throwing things, etc., are all ways of showing disrespect to you. Tell her when you are disrespected, you will also disrespect her. When she talks back, get right in her face (about three inches ought to do it), and loudly say something like, "This is the way you act! How do you like it?" Continue getting in her face if needed. Odds are, the first time you will catch her off guard and she'll back off. She'll be wondering how to deal with it. This is what you want... you want her to pause and think about her behavior rather than just react. My daughter was also strong-willed, and I was reluctant to use this "in-your-face" technique until I was also at my wit's end. I would even pick her up and hold her close to my face to have the eye contact and raise my voice saying something "I'm tired of your attitude!" Then set her back down and repeat the technique if needed. By the way, my daughter is now 16, still strong-willed, but respectful. I'd hate to think of how she might have been if I just let her crap slide. Good luck... parenting just isn't easy, is it?

Answer 4

She may need to just grow out of it. I go through continuous cycles with my daughter, it seems; for a week she is totally cooperative and then for the next two every NO is this big deal. Your daughter is testing her boundaries with you, and the key is that you can't back down no matter how hard it is. She needs you to "win" and show her that you guys really are the boss.

If you catch her hitting, you really need to shut her in her room immediately for a timeout and make sure she understands you are not going to tolerate any hitting, of you or of her brother. It may not stop immediately, but if you respond consistently she will get the message. If she still won't stop, think of something she really likes or a privilege that you can take away for awhile to help her learn that you are really serious. You can give her a time period, like, if you can go a whole (day, two days, whatever) without hitting during an outburst you can have it back. I think taking something away that she can work to get back may be more helpful than promising a new reward if she can behave. She has to realize that she is going to lose something if she misbehaves.

Answer 5

she is really acting out. you and her can make a rewards board. get some sticky stars and put monday thru sunday on the board. each day she does something good give her a star or u can use smiley faces or some kind of happy stickers. use a ugly sticker for acting out. set a goal and let her choose a toy or something re asonable at the end of the week. she will soon look forward to doing better because this is a challange for her and can be fun earning the good stickers. just decide before hand what you are willing to give her for not acting out so she will try harder see how many good ones there are and how many bad ones by the end of the week. she is young but smart enough to push your buttons so she will understand this.she will be busy earning good stickers instead of bad. maybe you can even take her to a special event or get a special movie for her.try different things and make it something she really wants.it works I did it with a very strong willed child who had ADHD and it worked great but be firm and do not give in. that is the secret

Answer 6

Time for Super-Nanny!!! Seriously, she is out of control. Set a new "naughty point" where you can see her, and stick her there. Don't let her get up. Tell her you mean business, and stick with it. Whatever it takes, and however long it lasts, keep her there 'till she starts the time-out. (Time can't start 'till she behaves) It will take a lot of work, but she'll get the picture pretty quick. And spending the whole day fighting against what wont change will get old quickly. And don't be afraid to spank her when it is called for. It is pretty funny, but I have my children clap and snap trained without knowing it. (I clap or snap, and they shape up right NOW). I found out by accident when I clapped my hands once when outside, and my daughter came running and said she wansnt ready to leave yet. I didnt know what she was talking about till she said, "but you clapped!". Anyways, you can do it. You are bigger and stronger. Just be more determined than her now. The benefits are worth the work for the initial week. Good luck!

Answer 7

You just described me as a young child. Everyone is against spanking your kids now because its "child abuse".. whatever. Wack your little girl on the butt!! One or two good swats, not enough to hurt her (you don't want to abuse her, seriously) just enough to jolt her, and get her attention, and scare her a little. My mom spanked me ALOT. I was naughty alot!! It was not abuse... it was tough love. It was absolutely the only thing she could do to control me.. because I was scared of being spanked. I didn't throw temper tantrums in time out.. my mind wanders alot and I would sit and daydream, and forget why I was there..not a really effective punishment.

If you insist on only using time outs.. put her in a room where she cannot do anything. My friend sends her daughter to the back room (guest room). She has to sit there on the bed for so many minutes.. if she gets up.. it starts over.. she still gets spanked.. but she hates the naughty room and cries if you tell her she will be going there.

Rewarding your child is crap!! Yes, it does work, they will act good to get what they want.. however.. when your daughter is 16 and does something good, she'll expect a reward.. when your daughter is 20 and volunteers somewhere, she'll expect a reward.. rewarding your child now tells them that their whole life if they do good stuff they will get "prizes" and we all know that isn't true. Usually our good deeds go unnoticed. I'm not saying not to praise your child for doing good stuff.. I'm just saying, don't teach her that that is what really happens in life.

Answer 8

Punish by reward.
(forget spanking, it fails to work except in extreme situations).

Find something she enjoys as a "reward" to end the day ... a treat like icecream, a movie, a gold star .. a bit of time together with you... something ...

If she is "good" then she gets her reward, and told she deserves it.
If she is "bad" no reward, but a short talk on how or what she did that was incorrect.

(optional) Let her decide her own "treat and bedtime" each night when she has been good. (Desire for treat overcomes unwillingness to go to bed as she tires)

Be sure she gains the reward 80 % of the time or more (adjust the standards as there is improvement).

Answer 9

WELL I SEE YOU ARE NOT A PERSON THAT BELIEVES IN DISCIPLINING YOUR CHILD. NOW I AM NOT SAYING BEAT BY ANY MEANS BUT IF YOU DON'T EVER SHOW HER WHO IS THE BOSS SHE WILL CONTINUE TO ACT OUT. TIME OUT IS NOTHING BUT A MINI-VACATION FOR THE CHILDREN (GETTING A BREAK FROM MOMMY).... HOW IS THIS 5 YEAR OLD RUNNING THINGS EVEN WITH THE 9 YR OLD... I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND SO HARSH BUT YOU COULD USE A TIME OUT...REFLECT ON WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT,, AND THEN HANDLE YOUR BITNESS,,, THERE IS NO WAY A CHILD SHOULD HAVE YOU ASKING QUESTIONS ON WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!!! PLEASE TAKE A STAND...AFTER ALL AREN'T YOU THE PARENT???

Answer 10

My parents would have spanked my a$$ for that, and I knew it. I would never have DARED do something like that to my parents.

I never saw them as cruel or abusive, either, contrary to how some think that it's emotionally crippling to have a parent spank you.

If anything, their discipline gave me security in knowing that everything in this life has boundaries.

I would spank her. On the butt. She's little, and you don't have to do it hard to get your point across. If you have already tried doing that, don't give her anything at all, other than food, love, and shelter. She'll learn to appreciate what she has quick, fast, and in a hurry.

Answer 11

Hi! I have a five year old girl myself, and I think that the reason for your girl's behaviour is because she is the youngest in the family. My suggestion is ...try to get her a pet and tell her to be fully responsible in looking after it (of course, with you helping out in a less obvious way). It will make her feel that she is a grown up, and will be able to control her temper! If not, better still, have another baby, trust me... she will be much better then! good luck to you!