HELP!!! Parent Trouble!!!?

Question

Ok, here's the thing: I graduated High school recently with a 3.8 GPA, I just got promoted to manager at my job(I work ALL the TIME), & I don't sneak and do anything, but My parents are still really, REALLY hard on me. Just the other day my mom took my debit card cuz she thinks I can't save, but I have a savings acc. with a good deal of money in it for it being open for a lil over a month; but she got upset with me for opening it because I didn't consult with her first! Every time I try to go out with my friends, I go through Hell to get my mom to say yes, or when she does I can't go anywhere for a while. How do I tell my parents that they have done a good job raising me & I'm ready to take on my responsibility as an adult? Whenever I try to tell my mom how I feel about her being so hard on me, she turns everything around so that I feel like I can't do it myself & she HAS to help me, or she makes me feel like a complete *** for even questioning her. Someone PLEASE help me out!!

What I mean when I say:

Work all the time: I work 4 till usually 2 in the mornin, and yes I do pay her.

My friends: They are all older than me and they won't let me do anything stupid! My friends are like family to me, and they look out for me.

I have my own car, paid for and everything!

Answer 1

Why don't you move out?

Answer 2

Good question. Recently I was in your shoes b/c I had graduated from high school and gone to college, but every time I came home my parents treated me like the little kid they had been raising my whole life. They had a hard time understanding that I was responsible and was used to taking care of myself. Part of the clash happened b/c I am the oldest and they've never had to deal with this before. I don't know if that's true for you, but here's my advice:

1. You should get out of the house. You've been there for what - eighteen years or so? Your parents are used to bossing you around and watching to make sure you don't fall, and they probably are having a hard time letting go of that. The less you are in their reach, the better. It might help the transition if you call every day or so and update your parents, so they don't feel like you've totally ditched them.

2. From that far away, it easier to listen to what your parents tell you to do and say no. You can start taking their "demands" or whatever you would like to call them as "advice" instead. Discuss things with them; try to find out why they believe they way they do. You may run into a communication block (I do from my parents often, and it's frustrating), but try to work around that as much as you can.

3. Try to be understanding and respectful, and you never know, they may start being the same way.

4. It may be true that you can't afford your own place right now, even though that would be the best way to put things in a new perspective. If so, I would advise perhaps paying your parents "rent". This is one way you can start to show them that you are responsible and that instead of your parents having to help you, you can help them instead. It could be as little as $100-200 a month (or whatever percentage of your income you think you can afford). It can even include certain chores that usually aren't your responsibility or something like that. It's not much, but it may begin to show them that you can handle things on your own.

5. Go to college. With a GPA of 3.8, you should have little trouble getting a scholarship or two. It's okay if you don't know what you want to do, though if you are already a manager at your work place, you might try business. I've been going to college two years and I didn't stick with a major until the last half of my second semester. One of my former roommates still hasn't settled on something. It's not that hard to change if you find that the degree you were going for isn't what you actually wanted.

I hope this helps you out some. I don't know all of your circumstances, so I can only base my advice off of what you said and my own personal experience. Good luck.

Answer 3

If you really do work "all the time" are you kicking back some $$ to your mom. After all she is paying the rent or mortgage and food bills. Do you own your own car or do you have a car payment how about cars ins? She paying? It just might be that she wants you to go to college and not make a career of the first full-time job you had. Sit down and CALMLY TALK to her. Find out CALMLY why she doesn't seem to trust you. Do you have some freaky friends, drink, smoke, do rec drugs? After all you are only 18 not quite an adult and definately not a kid. Your just caught at the in-between right now! In 10 years your gonna wish you were 18 again. Good Luck

Answer 4

Yeah, my mom too and I am way past HS. Move out and do it yourself, if you can. If not, try to remember to let the comments and negativity roll off. I don't think, depending how old you are, that your mother can take your card from you if the account was opened by you and is in your name. As long as you are over 16 what she is doing is illegal. I would request a new card and pin number from your bank and just don't tell her. You have a right to some level of privacy, even if you still live at home. I know most parents say, "As long as you live under my roof, you will follow my rules." Well, the law still protects you and THEY KNOW that!!
If you can't move out, take your parents to a public place (this way they have to control themselves and so do you) and gently explain to them that you are a good kid and give them a list of reasons they have to trust you. Put in writing if you think it will help. Remind them that you are (your age here) years old and have certain legal rights that you wish they would respect. Some day, they have to trust you and let you go. Tell them, you KNOW this is a cruel world and you respect their position and you appreciate the safety and security they provide, but it is time for you to start "spreading your wings and taking short flights". Remind them that you love them and that you will always come home. If after all that they STILL don't let up, get counseling and ask a therapist. Maybe, if your parents are still picking up your medical tab, they will back off because of the expense.
Best wishes, Chickie! They gotta let yah go sometime.

Answer 5

Your mom is just protective. Yes you both should sit down and talk. Don't get mad with her. You have shown her that you too can open an account which is great. You have been graduated and received a 3.8 GPA, great too. However, your mom still sees you as her little girl. She loves you. Most girls don't have a mother in their life. At least, yours care. At that's important. Don't listen to some of these stupid remarks like "move out". That's not the answer. Sit and talk with her. Communication is the KEY!

Answer 6

Wow that sounds just like me mom see we are from The Dominican Republic and there you just don't argue with the elders. We used to live in Massachusetts and I moved out thinking that it would be OK and it did not because I lived about 1 hour away from her house and she used to come over and criticize me even more that I was alone and nobody would like me so you know what I did I move to Miami FL that is about 3000 miles away and now she is my bestfriend. you know why because she misses me and do not have the hearth that when I call her for a couple of minutes to yell at me. Some things do not work for the same person so think about what you do but at the end they do what they do because they love you and do not want to make the same mistakes they did....... Good Luck........

Answer 7

Well first off gently remind her of the things you've accomplished. Gone to school, got good grades, recently got promoted on the job, even got my on banking account opened. Thank her for helping you get to the point where you are. (even if u don't mean it) Then discuss with her what your short term and long term goals are. If you think your ready ask her if she can start treating you a little more like an adult since that is the phase you are preparing to enter. Hope this helps.

Answer 8

Stand your ground. Tell them you are old enough to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Don't let her make you feel like you can't do anything yourself. You obviously can if you have a job and have been promoted to manager. Congrats by the way! You are old enough to open a savings account on your own without asking your mother. Start looking at the rental section of the paper and find a place of your own if you have to. Try telling them you need to do things for yourself so you don't have to depend on others to take care of you.

Answer 9

Some parents just don't know how to let go. For 18 years she was the boss of you and now ...well...now she shouldn't be.

I suggest you ask her to go with you to a therapy session. You need an impartial party to help her see you as a grown up, not a child.

I would suggest moving out but that would be too easy. The hard thing to do would be to work it out with them and the hard thing is usually the right thing!

Good luck.

Answer 10

I think the way you said it here would be a good start... if you can't talk to her, maybe sit down and write her something so that she more or less has to sit and read it and than process it. Being a great parent is one thing, but they have to know when to let go and let you be an adult too. Being able to sit and read something gives the person time to sit and think about it and let the information process.

Answer 11

You are not the problem!!!! Believe me, You are doing a GREAT JOB!!!! I commend you for trying to be responsible!!! Do you want to know what is really going on???? YOU ARE GROWING UP!!!!! PERIOD! Your Mom does not want to let go of you. She does not want you to grow up yet and wants you to depend on her like a child. IN other words: She needs you, more than you need her... Alot of parents have a hard time, letting go of their kids. I was lost when my kids grew up. I can't answer that for you, because you did not say your age. But talk to her without getting angry, let her know you need to start making your own descisions for yourself, and if you screw up, you know you will pay the consequences. Yet asure her that the descisions you make, is to help you grow up and be a better person. And for her not to be afraid of letting you go. That you are still there for her. It would be hard to get her to open up and really tell you what she is feeling. But you might have to! Take her out somewhere. Go out for an ice cream or something. Spend a little time with her somewhere besides home. Treat her, like she is your friend and ASK her if she is afraid of you growing up. That's what my son and daugther did with me.