Son and stepson raised different?

Question

Since my ex has never been, lets say, dedicated to being a dad, my son (10) has been raised mainly by me. I have never known how to raise him to be rough and tough. He is kind of an emotional child. He cry's at the drop of a hat. My husband and also my brother have both teased him about being a sissy. A a couple of people have called him gay. This really pisses me off. My step son on the other hand, has been raised to be a rough and tough boy, but he also has anger issues. He steals, lies, doesn't listen to us. So I dont think compaired to that type of behavior, I have raised my son too bad. My husband and I disagree. He thinks his son is just a normal boy and that my son needs to toughen up and stop being a "cry baby". Unfortunatly the men in the family agree with him, and the women with me. Any good, helpful advice on how to even both boys out?

Sorry, I meant to say havent raised my son too bad.

Answer 1

My son was raised predominantly by me, his father was similar to your ex, he moved out when my son was 7.

First, you are right, you don't say your stepsons age, but he does have problems, rough and tough is one thing, stealing and lying is another, he has some issues that should be resolved before he gets in big trouble.

Get your son involved in some sports, where he is interacting with other kids, it does not have to be things like football, but swimming, golf, gymnastics or tennis would be good. This way he will see how other kids handle their emotions, (this would be better then him emulating his step-brother) and it would also give him a chance to establish relationships with other men, who may not see him as a sissy, and give him self-esteem.) my son adored most of his coaches, for the most part they were great role models.

Of course, if it turned out that he was good in these areas and won a competition or 2, he might get more respect from within your family.

I would suggest other hobbies such as piano orphotography, but I think it would help him to have a trophy to show.

Answer 2

Maybe because I'm a woman (no, not a parent-- I'm too young for that). But, stealing, lying, and anger issues? I don't give a flyin' flip if he was raised by a man or a woman, thats not right. I guess men woiudl raise their sons to be rougher and tougher.. And some men will pick on your son because of him being emotional, which I think is wrong, but alot of people will love your son for that too.

By the way, /YOUR/ husband is calling /YOUR/ child a sissy?
Okay, since he's your husband doesn't that make him sort of your childs father? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he shoudl call your hsuband father. if my mom got remarried I wouldn't call the man father-- I'm too old for that I think. But he would still be in my life alot! Enough to where if he was calling me names, my mother would knock the @#$*% outta him. I suggest talking to your husband. Think fo what thats gotta do to your child, espcially if he's young, and is impressionable.

The crying at the drop of a hat thing? Thats not so bad. I mean make sure he isn't going crazy over small stuff. The reason I say that is because that will affect him when he gets into the real world. When he gets served the wrong dinner at a reasturant, or other things. Or when he gets called a name. Yes, I know, I disagree with your husband doing it because it's' his father (in essence), not some little mean snot-nosed kid.

(By the way does your husband do this as just a joke? or as a really mean-spirited thing? I though you meant mean-spirited thing... But still even if its just a joke I think you should have a family meeting.)

Answer 3

Your son is not a cry baby but has scars from being around his worthless dad who never grew up himself. As for your stepson, he sounds like someone who might just end up behind bars if he can't learn to keep his big mouth shout and keep his temper under control and for all those "men" who take that boys side are also in need of professional help along with the boy with the big mouth.
Your son does need to act more like a boy and not like a sissy by crying at the "drop" of a hat. No one likes a cry baby no matter who it is but for all the "men" and your step son to be such bullies themselves isn't the kind of guidance that anyone needs or deserves either.
You are caught between the rock and the hard place now and you need to have a family sit down and talk straight about what's going on in your family and the name calling that really has to stop now before someone really gets hurt.
I believe that getting professional help for you and your family would benefit all of you and the sooner the better. You do want both your son and your stepson to get along don't you? You and yours need to understand that what is happening isn't in the best interest for anyone so now everyone has to work together or nothing good will come of it at all.
Sounds like your stepson is a real brat and his dad is proud of that fact too. And you did baby your son way to much and now he has to suffer for that. With one bully and one who is affraid of his own shadow, I'd say you have your hands full and it's your own son who I feel sorry for.

Answer 4

Well even though it is good that your son is a good son you have not prepared him for the real men that he will run into in the world. He is likely to be made fun of and walk on. I know it sound unfair, but life just is not fair, and right now whats fair is that he is not ready for the world the way that he is. You may have done him more harm than good. He will really have trouble with the Alpha males, those are the worst ones.

Answer 5

They need to form a bond and that doesn't happen without work. What's your husband or son interested in - cars, shooting pool, hunting/fishing? Make arrangements for them to do some things together. Or on Saturday, send them out for burgers and a "guts and gore" movie (if that's appropriate for your son - you don't say how old) or a "guy flick". Have them go to a ball game together (and this gives you some much needed "ME" time). And make sure to do lots of "family" stuff. Rent a movie on Friday nights, call out for pizza, make popcorn and have a fun night. Or make Saturday board game night. You get the picture now, right? Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

I wouldn't think of it as evening them out. You have two different boys with different personalities that need guidance. You do need to toughen your little boy out, because life will not baby him. He will need thicker skin to survive in this world. Your step son needs to be guided into better ways for obvious reasons. I wouldn't even recommend going down the "my boy is better than your boy" road.

Answer 7

That would totally piss me off too!
Even though he isnt the natural father of your son, he should NOT be treating him this way!!
Just maybe your son does what he does for attention from him---to be accepted by him-just like his son is.
Even though I know this is none of my business, I would be telling your husband that if he doesnt wanna accept your son as he does his own, that you will not put up with it and if he doesnt like it, he doesnt deserve you! When he married you, your son came with the package-just like his son came with the package with him.
Keep in touch and let me know what happens *if you want*

Answer 8

My son is just like yours, well not exactly, but he was raised by a chick (me, his mom) without much male influence so he's a mush as well. Some kids are just like that and others are like your step son. I'd say your son is FINE but your step son definitely needs some discipline, pronto and hardcore.

Answer 9

While I feel sorry for you being caught in the middle of your family, I truly worry for the well being of your son. You need to give your husband and the "men" of your family this ultimatum...they either offer unconditional love to your son and accept his demeanor as normal or you will be forced to separate yourself from them. Your son has to know that he is perfectly normal just as your stepson is also perfectly normal. They are just different people with different experiences and genetics. If your family, and especially your husband, cannot accept your son and refrain from labeling him, you have to protect your son and leave them. If not, your son will grow to be a deeply troubled adult that looks back and realizes that you did nothing to stop this mental abuse. He will grow to hate you. One role that we moms sometimes forget about...WE ARE OUR CHILD'S ONLY ADVOCATE in this cruel world we live.

Answer 10

Every person is different even children raised by the same set of parents. There is nothing wrong with them having opposite personalities. That is how it was with my sister and I, we were raised by my parents sharing the same mother. But we are as different as "night and day".