I been abuse sexaully, mentally, physicaly aslo i've been abuse sents i was 3 to 16years old. I love this guy he asked me to marry him but i dont know how to let him all the way in my heart. he means every thing to me, but i am scared i am going to get hurt again. you can e-mail me at cat07171985@yahoo.com if you want to
2006-07-20 13:13:28 · 7 answers · asked by cat07171985 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Cat, first of all I know what you mean and these are not just customary words. I am sorry to hear that you had to go through all of this but I feel your pain. I recently had a horrible relationship ended that was tragic and paralyzing. It had lasted for years so there were plenty of broken hearts involved.
It is hard, it is very hard to let someone in your heart after you have been in so much pain. I can only tell you that it just needs time. Trust builds up over time and time certainly heals all wounds.
Here is what I would do, have a detailed discussion with. Make sure to let him know what you feel about his proposal of marriage (you like it or not or you want to think about it) and also make sure to let him know that you personally just need some time to get over him. Be sure to tell him that you are not rejecting him (unless you really want to) but you just want this relationship to mature and you want time to understand each other before you go into this lifelong bonding of marriage.
Tell him how much you like him (love him) and you want him to be there for you...you want him to be always there for you.
If he truly does love you, because he has already decided to spend the rest of his life with you, then he will wait for you and he will be there for you to walk down the aisle, when you are.
Please I am letting you know from a guy's point of view, don't JUST tell him that you want some time. He is going to consider it rejection and he will back off, if not now then eventually.
Tell him how much you love him.
Just plain cute little gestures...yes that's right...guys DO notice them. When you see him the next time, give him a little kiss on the cheek. Or call him randomly throughout the day to tell him how much you miss him.
And this is for all the ladies out there who think that all guys are jerks, there is nothing better, even for a guy, than the feeling of being loved. And they will go to great lengths for it.
2006-07-20 13:41:28 · answer #1 · answered by The Prince 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reading your question brought tears to my eyes because it sounds just like the situation I am in now. Trust is something that is hard to do when all you've experienced was betrayal. Take it from me, a man that knows all of your history and still looks at you with admiration and doesn't hold it over your head; he deserves your hand in marriage. In time, you'll learn to trust again because he will be able to break through the wall that you've built around yourself. I wish you a lifetime of happiness and love with someone who will adore you for who you are. Be strong my sister.
2006-07-20 14:59:08 · answer #2 · answered by Angel Raye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off hun i am sorry to hear that you had to go through so much abuse, but you should just talk to him about it and let him in bc he is going to be there for you. the thing is my boyfriend went through the same type of abuse as you and it left him paralyzed in the right arm. if you want to keep in touch my email is f_slocum@yahoo.com
2006-07-20 13:21:49 · answer #3 · answered by Faith_marie_16 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to allow this person a chance to prove himself to you. Stop judging him by what has happened in the past. I know it's hard because I struggle with this issue as well.
Try to look at him through fresh eyes, see him for who he is and how he has treated you and loved and cared for you. It's not fair to him or to yourself to be so scared to be loved.
Don't let your past demons control your future.
2006-07-20 13:23:04 · answer #4 · answered by Cheryl K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you really know in your heart and soul that he isnt going to bring back your memories then say yes if thats what you feel like saying but only know that once you make a commitment like that then if it dosent work then devorice him. make him hurt like you did. if he really wants to be with you then make him explain it to you. what he feels and know that hes not in for what he can get...you know what i mean. good luck...
2006-07-20 13:21:43 · answer #5 · answered by Morgan M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look at it as being hurt only makes u grow
2006-07-20 13:15:50 · answer #6 · answered by KryssyBeyondBeauty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U no the old saying..."what doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger"
2006-07-20 13:19:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋