My husband and I were dating and broke up before I found out that I was pregnant with my first son. I didn't see or hear from him until 2 months after my son was born. I assumed that he and I were done for good and I didn't want to have anything to do with him anyway so I gave my son my last name.
When my son was two months we started talking again and ended up back together. About a year later I got pregnant again and us being a happy couple now I gave my second son my husbands name.
His mom and my mom say that this could be damaging some how. I don't really think that it's a big deal. But I wanted some other input.
I really don't want to go through the hassle of changing my first sons name, but if going to be an issue later on I will.
By the way, even though were married i haven't changed my name either.
2006-07-20 12:38:55 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I dated a woman who did the same thing. Her reason was she only had sisters and no one to carry on the family name. She named one son with her last name and one with her former husbands last name. She didn't change her last name either. Seemed cool to me. Do I know you?
2006-07-20 12:48:18 · answer #1 · answered by Paleo C 3 · 13⤊ 5⤋
People will assume that they're not both his, and the first is from a previous marriage or something. If you're okay with that, then it's fine.
Another complication might be, since you haven't changed your name either, that in family dynamics the first one becomes more "yours" and the second "his" which could be bad. But you just have to make sure that doesn't happen, and that both of you take responsibility for both kids.
2006-07-20 12:43:58 · answer #2 · answered by Tim 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-15 00:46:01 · answer #3 · answered by garion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this has not yet happened, it would be good for your husband to offically take legal responsibility for your older son. I would consult a family law attorney in your area for advice on how to go about doing that. As part of the process, I would have the older boy's last name legally changed to that of his father and brother, even if you choose not to do so.
2006-07-20 12:59:46 · answer #4 · answered by blowry007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's damaging in any way, but I think it would be a lot less confusing as they get older than if they had the same last name. Eventually they will probably want to know why they have different last names and if it means that one of them is favored over the other. It could save you a lot of explaining and they probably don't need to know all the details of your early relationship with their Dad.
2006-07-20 12:49:09 · answer #5 · answered by janrena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you going to explain it when your sons ask? If so, then it won't be a problem.
Actually it's quite an interesting situation... a Mr and Mrs with different names, and sons with corresponding names... !
Of course, if school pressures are a concern, then perhaps changing both yours and your first son's name would be a good idea, despite the 'hassle' - it's for his/their sake.
2006-07-20 12:42:52 · answer #6 · answered by lazwatson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you, your husband, and your sons are happy there is no problem.
My brother and took our mother's married name even though the man she married was not our father. We ran into a snag when it was time to get our passports because it required us to use our birthname, which didn't feel right. We didn't like it, so our step-father adopted us and we legally assumed his last name.
The only thing that matters is how the people who really matter feel about it.
2006-07-20 12:46:37 · answer #7 · answered by Speedo Inspector 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is going to want to know when he is older. Kids are cruel and mean and look for things to tease others about. I would change it.....since his brother has the dad's last name. How much of a hassle can it be really?
2006-07-20 12:44:32 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
personally i have 2 sons and i know for a fact that siblings will always find something to be jelous about the other, this is just fuel for jeousy and questions like why? from your kids and i'm sure you would rather not talk about when you split 2ur kids. personally i know its hassle but i'd change it, as it will make ur sons closer. even if you and ur husband have diff names its inmportant for them to know they are just as special as eachother. kids can get funny about small things.
2006-07-20 12:48:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be a tad confusing, but it's not truly bad. My husband and his brother have different last names from their two older brothers. They've come to no harm over it.
2006-07-20 12:42:41 · answer #10 · answered by Empy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married for months and never took my husband's last name I don't see any problems with that.
2006-07-20 12:43:42 · answer #11 · answered by amybiscaro 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋