He accepted my apology, we had a brother-sister moment….Can he rescind it?

Question

I recently blew up at my brother’s girlfriend and don’t know how to undo the damage it has caused. They’ve been dating for three years and I have held my tongue thru many different insults. Unfortunately there have been many incidents where it would have been appropriate to call her out, but I never spoke up- then I lost it over something little. He is very protective of her and when she does anything mean or rude he immediately steps into the middle of things and tries to make things better. I tried to go around him and talk directly to her this time, which really pissed them both off. Because he is such a nice guy, she’s been allowed to treat my large, caring family quite badly at times. We are expected to take it because “she has problems and has had a hard life.” So have we, and we’re still nice. Immediately after the incident I apologized to him and explained that I had been bottling my anger and that I was sorry I let it out so badly. He and she were also quite ferocious during the argument, but I apologized for my behavior and left it at that. She wouldn’t accept my apology and launched into a very telling tirade about how “horrible” the family was.
Yadda Yadda….I find out he is still pissed at me. My mother and sister are pressing me to “fix this.” I think that his relationship is really bad and that as time goes on she is succeeding quite well in her quest to isolate him. I’ve admitted my bad behavior, neither one of them will. I feel that he has decided his bad relationship is priority. But the cat is out of the bag now and I am not willing to cow tow to her anymore. It started out of politeness but ended up being abusive. There are frequent moments when 15 members of the family stand there looking at each other like idiots while one of her hurtful comments hangs in the air. My mother and sister are scared that she will drag him away and we’ll lose him forever. I think his refusal to forgive me just show it all ready happened.
Q. He accepted my apology, we had a brother-sister moment….Can he rescind it? Should I try again? Is it on me? Is he a goner?

Answer 1

I don't think there's a perfect answer for your situation, but I think you did what needed to be done. She needed to be confronted, and now perhaps you should contront him in private (when she's not around).

Ask him if his family means anything at all to him. Nobody can fix anyone else, and if he thinks he can fix her, he's sadly mistaken (you can tell him this, too).

You can help someone who wants help, but if they don't want help, you can't force them to take it, and you can't force anyone to heal.

Only through the Lord can real healing completely take place.

God bless you, and keep in mind, that whatever you try, if it goes badly, there is no way you could have known that beforehand. There is no textbook for this kind of situation, so just do what you think is the good, noble and proper thing to do, and whatever happens happens. It was going to anyway. It isn't like you caused it to happen.

Answer 2

I honestly think that your brother needs to know what kind of crap his girlfriend is giving your entire family. Sure, no boyfriend should let his family degrade his girlfriend, but then again, no man should let his girlfriend degrade his family either, especially if it wasn't provoked. I think that you have done what you should do, you apologized for your behavior, and that's all. You've explained tha tyou've had a lot of bottled up emotions towards her. Perhaps, as a final reach out, your family could talk to him alone telling him all of the horrible things she has done and said. That way, maybe his eyes will be opened. Then again, that also has the risk of him turning on the family, but how it sounds, it seems that he's probably already gone.

Answer 3

Oh my god! I'm reading this story as if I wrote it. The same thing happened to me and my family. And, hopefully the end result will not be the same for you...my brother married the b**ch. I don't know what to say other than he's going to have to see her true colors for himself, but just in case he doesn't don't make yourself look bad. If you're a good person, and your family's good, then continue to be yourselves. Don't stoop to her level. However, she has now seen that she can't give you crap and expect that you'll take it. The same exact thing happened with me. I exploded one day, but now, 10 years later, I just live with the fact that if I want to be a part of my brother's life at all, then I'll just see him when she's not around. My poor mom is in the same boat. My sister-in-law unleashed on her for no reason a few times when they first got married, trying to make my mom look bad. I was again pissed at my brother for not seeing that she was creating unnecessary drama, but she brainwashed him so much that he couldn't see the truth.

I don't really know what else to say, but someone once told me that when someone is mean, cruel to you just "kill them with kindness." Continue to show a nice face around her, and atleast your brother will know that it's not you.

I don't know why some people are just so evil. It really sucks for those of us whose lives they try to wreak havoc in. Good luck!

Answer 4

Here's the thing, your brother has coddled her and protects her from your family because he is protective of her... a lot of people have had crappy childhoods, I for one did and would never treat people like crap. Your brother accepted your apology. You are not required to apologize again. If your brother chooses her over the family, that is his decision, however poor it may be. Let things run their course, they may not be together for ever anyway. You don't have to like your brothers girlfriend, but you can politely tolerate her.

Answer 5

a million. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) changed into by using occupation a service service and shepherd. He turned right into a humble a depended on man or woman, He were given married on the age of 25 to Khadija who turned right into a 40 year old widow. a even as later The Angel Gabriel regarded to the Prophet on the Mount Hira the position the Prophet (PBUH) went to meditate each so typically. briefly, the Prophet (PBUH) kept coming to this mountain and the Angel revealed the Qur'an to him in factors so as that he ought to maintain in recommendations it and recite it to companions who then wrote it down. It took 23 years for the Qur'an to be finished. This changed into the considered as commence of the Prophet's (PBUH) Muslim existence. He went on to spread the message of Islam dealing with a lot competition even as doing so. He died interior the year 632 on the age of sixty 3. 2. there are countless alterations between Sunni and Shia muslims. the major reason behind there seperation is after the demise of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), the Shias needed the Prophet's (PBUH) son-in-regulation Ali to be the chief of the muslims while the Sunni's needed a democratically elected chief. the major alterations are: •Sunni’s are majority making up eighty 5% of all Muslims •Shia Muslims position huge authority on the Imam and manage them as Saints whereasSunni Muslims do no longer position as a lot emphasis on them •do no longer position a lot emphasis on the Hadith and this leads to alterations in prayer and pilgrimage etc

Answer 6

Honestly. Its on him, and he needs to look at priorities.
You love him, but he needs to realized that whats going to happen when shes gone, or pulls him away farther. You parents need to sit down with him and discuss this alone with him. And see if he really thinks this is the best thing for him.

Answer 7

make sure you let him know all these things that you have said on here and how upset you really are with him. also let him know how much you care and that you think the girlfriend is bad news, that not only does she disrespect your entire family but that she is overly vicious about it. Hopefully its not too late

Answer 8

He's not a goner. Hopefully he will see her for how she really is before it gets any more serious. You have apologized and your part is over. Let them take it from here.

Answer 9

I say you point out times that she's insulted the family, to your brother, the family, and her even. at the same time, not one at a time. maybe then they'll see why you acted the way you did, and forgive you.

Answer 10

try again to apologizing again. but then if he does not accept remember you tryed. remember love is blind and he only chooses to see what he want to see so just tell him no matter what you still love him and when he ready to talk to you to give you a call good luck