My partner and I have split up although neither of us has really done anything wrong we just dont get on.We have a two year old son and he came over tonight to sort out arrangements for him.He offered me £200 a month in financial support but no assistance with bills etc.Dont really care about the money although I am in a low paid job but I actually found it quite insulting .Also it hurt so bloody much to see him that I ended up crying,how am i supposed to keep it together especially when he's playing mind games like telling me he loves me whilst packing the last of his things?He's already said that he has no intention of ever getting back with me.
2006-07-20 11:11:28 · 16 answers · asked by rhieanon6108 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
WELL GIRL YOU NEED TO REALIZE IT'S OVER. YOU STILL LOVE HIM, BUT IF HE STILL REALLY LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T BE LEAVING YOU AND HIS CHILD BEHIND!!!! DON'T LET HIM PLAY MIND GAMES WITH YOU. REMEMBER YOU'RE A WOMAN AND YOU'RE POWERFUL!!!!!! AND NEVER FORGET YOU DON'T NEED A MAN TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!! YOU CAN DO IT ON YOUR OWN. I'M A SINGLE PARENT. BEEN THERE DONE THAT! LOW PAYING JOB AND ALL. I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM.
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING THO, I REFUSE TO LET HIM SEE ME CRY. DON'T LET THAT LOSER SEE YOU CRY. AND WHEN HE TELLS YOU, I STILL LOVE YOU, THEN YOU SAY WELL IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME YOU WOULDN'T BE PLAYING THIS SILLY GAMES NOW WOULD YOU?
LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT GONNA GO ALONG WITH HIS SH*T! LET HIM KNOW YOU'RE A STRONG WOMAN AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA FALL APART CUZ HE LEFT!!!! NOW EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT REALLY FEELING LIKE THIS, YOU PRETEND YOU ARE!!!!!!! YOU WAIT TILL HE WALKS OUT THE DOOR AND WHEN THE DOOR CLOSES YOU LOCK IT BEHIND YOU AND YOU GO TO YOUR ROOM AND YOU CAN THROW YOURSELF ON YOUR BED AND SCREAM INTO YOUR PILLOW!!!!!! CRY YOUR HEART OUT.
THEN YOU GET RIGHT BACK UP AND YOU GO ON ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS!!!! YOU HAVE A CHILD TO TAKE CARE OF. YOU HAVE TO BE THAT CHILDS MOTHER AND FATHER. CUZ HIS FATHER CHOSES TO BE A LOSER AND NOT TAKE CARE OF HIM. I'M SORRY $200 A MONTH. FUC*K THAT GIRL. GET HIS *** FOR CHILD SUPPORT!!!! LET HIM LEAVE, BUT DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY WITH NOT PAYING WHAT HE SHOULD PAY FOR HIS CHILD!!!!!!!!
YOU DIDN'T MAKE THAT BABY BY YOURSELF. AND DON'T YOU LET HIM OFF THE HOOK EITHER!!!! IF HE WANTS TO PLAY HARD BALL, SO CAN YOU!!!!! BUT NEVER LET HIM SEE YOU CRYING GIRL. HE PROBABLY GETS OFF ON SEEING YOU FALL APART.
IT'S BETTER THAT YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER. HELL MAYBE HE DOES LOVE YOU BUT YOU TWO JUST DON'T GET ALONG. AND IF THAT'S THE CASE, THEN YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS TOGETHER. CUZ YOU'RE REALLY GONNA SCREW UP YOUR CHILDS LIFE IF YOU'RE ALWAYS BICKERING AND PULLING EACH OTHERS HAIR OUT!!! THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOUR BABY. THINK ABOUT THAT. HE COMES FIRST.
AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION ABOUT BEING HIS FRIEND. YOU CAN DO IT. IT'S GONNA BE HARD CUZ YOU STILL LOVE HIM. BUT GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO HEAL AND REALIZE IT'S OVER. ONCE YOU COME TO TERMS WITH THE LOSS YOU'LL BE FINE. IT'LL BE EASIER TO BE HIS FRIEND. AND I TOTALLY RECOMMEND FOR YOUR CHILDS SAKE THAT YOU TRY TO BE HIS FRIEND. BUT YOU NEED TO HEAL AND FIND SOMEONE NEW.
SOMEONE WHO WILL ACCEPT YOUR CHILD. AND YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE. JUST BE CAREFUL AND ALWAYS PUT YOUR CHILD FIRST AND FOREMOST BEFORE ANYONE AND ESPECIALLY ANY MAN.
WELL YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND DON'T LET THIS DESTROY YOU. NEVER LET A MAN OR A WOMAN DESTROY YOU. BE STRONG IF NOT FOR YOURSELF THEN FOR YOUR CHILD. GOOD LUCK.
2006-07-20 11:24:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 1⤋
You have to be friends for your son. As you so rightly pointed out you just don't get on so both of you are being honest with each other (ain't you) why spoil a good friendship you have a child together and let be honest £200.00 per month with out child support get involved at least he helping you say no assistance With bills why should he be paying your bills give the guy break £200.00 a month ( you no what he earns ) and life to short to bear a grudge enjoy being friend get out there get a life
2006-07-20 18:21:39 · answer #2 · answered by Maggie C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 3 yr old son and we recently split up, so I know how you feel. I love her with every bit of my heart but she only loves me as a friend. I hate seeing her cos i will have to walk away again. Its a crap situation, but we have to stay friendly. You need to stay friendly, NOT go to court and discuss how u feel about the money situation. Yes he is playing mind games but so are you. I know this because everyone does. I dont know the situation properly from the short description but i feel hopefull that you can recover SOME of the lost friendship that started your relationship. Maybe there is no way you will get back together. I have told myself this but dont reely belive and still hope we get together. But still tell yourself everyday otherwise your clinging on to the past.
Time is a healer. over time your feelings WILL subside, maybe not go away tho. You DO get on, but with all the **** its easy to lose your freindship.
All the best and i hope you work things out.
2006-07-20 18:33:49 · answer #3 · answered by roujinz3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at the end of the day you cant be friends. once a child comes along it changes everything and it changes men because they are no longer the centre of attention! all that matters now is you and your child because you are going to be the only one they can rely on and once your ex finds a new girlfriend he will step back even more from your child. trust me i got 2 children and they been stuck in the middle of me and my ex for the last 5 years and its just not fair on them.
sod him you just make the most of your life and give your child the best start for the future. they will understand when they are older and they will stand by you and know you did the right thing. good luck, its hard but they are worth more than any man x
2006-07-20 19:25:56 · answer #4 · answered by J A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes people can really love each other and as daft as it seems not like each other at the same time.
sometimes because you love someone it is best to split up if either or both are not happy.
as for being friends i dont think if you loved and lost that friendship is an option,being civil and mature is the best i could be.
as for the child i can not comment on the £200 because i dont know the financial implications,but i would hope he would want and be allowed access to the child because as a divorced father whos ex tried to make contact difficult between my daughter and my self,using a child as a weapon is wrong.
the best of luck for your future
mike
2006-07-20 18:47:13 · answer #5 · answered by listener06y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is let him go and move on. You will feel much more in control of yourself.
Let him play mindgames if he wants to...it gets no where with you.
Accept the money on behalf of your child and try to make sure that your son gets some daddy face time since he's so young.
Sorry that you are going thru this, but try not to be scared and worried. You can make it, and you and your son can be better for it.
2006-07-20 18:47:19 · answer #6 · answered by Applecore782 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow im in the same situation i just moved out of my baby mommas house and i moved in someone else. We have a 1 year old daughter and its hard we were calling each other all types of nasty names at first but now things have cooled down a bit and were working out plans for child support and when i get to see my daughter. In other words you can still be friends with this guy be civil to one another and get a lawer and work things out in court. Hope this helps good luck and your not alone this happens more than you think
2006-07-20 18:19:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right, he's playing mind games; and you're wrong, you don't have to be friends. I'd back off and be civil but no more than that. And get legal advice on the maintenance.
He doesn't deserve your friendship. Your son doesn't want to see the two of you argue so keep all conversations to the minimum; eg arranging access, no more than that. Don't answer any of his personal questions about your life, its no longer any of his business.
Good luck, you'll get it together and move on. It'll hurt and it'll take time so be good to yourself.
2006-07-20 18:17:28 · answer #8 · answered by sarah c 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can still love someone and not be IN love with them. I have been divorced for about 5 yrs now. My ex and I have a good friendship. The main thing you have to remember is that you talk to him because of the kids...that's it. Its still hard for you so maybe you shouldn't have him over. You should be able to handle everything over the phone. Get over whatever happened between the two of you so your son can have the best of both worlds....And as for the money! Its his son too, let him pay for it! He should!
2006-07-20 18:22:07 · answer #9 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, if he loved you he wouldn't have left and he would have made the effort to try and work things out. Second, he is financially responsible to pay for half of the baby and you need to go to court... not to be mean... but to get what is needed so that your son is taken care of.
Most importantly, you should try to be friends because when your son grows up he will respect you two as people, not just as parents.
Good luck!
2006-07-20 18:19:10 · answer #10 · answered by kristinaanneblack 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he does love you... Just not enough to stay together... But as friends and for the sake of the child...
And offering the support money is a good thing... He could refuse anything and wait for you to go to the place that sorts that out...
2006-07-20 18:14:36 · answer #11 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋