I have an ongoing discussion with a friend. Here's the situation... Male, 38, divorced for two years, has two kids (boy 4, girl 20). He believes it would be wrong of him to have a relationship with anyone because it would take away time he could have spend with his kids, so he is considering being alone for another 10-12 years. I'm saying that it DOES NOT HAVE TO BE AN EITHER/OR. That he can have a relationship AND be a good, attentive father and that the kids can be happy even if he is seeing someone. What do you think? Who's right? I would especially like to hear what the guys think.... thanks...
2006-07-20 10:31:45 · 14 answers · asked by dk_angel2005 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I agree with you. It sounds more like he's using the child to make an excuse not to get involved with someone. There are enough single parents out there, that successfully raise kids, hold down jobs, and have social lives to prove that this guy needn't spend every off-work waking minute with his child for him to qualify as a good parent.
In fact, the child would probably appreciate it if he'd get lost once in a while...everyone needs a break now and then!
Besides that, in 16 yrs he's going to have been out of the dating/romantic scene for so long, it's gonna be tough for him to get back into the swing of things (and he'll be much older)...
2006-07-20 10:38:45 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 6⤋
I'm a guy, so here's what I think. I think he can definately be a good father and have someone. It can be tough, but he shouldn't be alone if he doesn't need to be. It is great to hear that he loves his children so much though. Not all guys do. At least not to that extent. If he does start dating again though he'll need to be careful. Having children and dating at the same time can be a delicate balancing act. Both the children and the girl will need a certain amount of his time and attention foreach relationship to work out well.
2006-07-20 10:37:09 · answer #2 · answered by big_dog832001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a guy but I am divorced yes you can see someone and still be a good parent. There is no need to avoid relationships because you have kids. I have a 1 yr old and a 3 yr old and yes I can take care of them same as I always have while still having a relationship with someone.
2006-07-20 10:38:09 · answer #3 · answered by Cowgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry the kids come first...He must be a really special guy. He may not wait another 10-12 years and then again he may. That choice is up to him. He will know when the time is right. More men should have the same morals as your friend!
2006-07-20 10:37:58 · answer #4 · answered by Linda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he telling YOU (a woman interested in him) this? Or are you just two friends discussing personal lifestyle choices.
If it's the first he is not interested in a relationship with you beyond whatever he has now.
If you are just two friends discussing life, he may just be in a place in his life where this is exactly how he feels. After all, we have no clue as to what mom is doing.
It may be a mixture of both. It may also be a psychological response to the trauma of the breakup./divorce. If so and you are interested, you may have quite a wait.
2006-07-20 10:46:43 · answer #5 · answered by Jimmy J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children always come first. This guy's heart might still be hurting and this is his reason for not dating. He may change his mind in a few more years. It's not easy to juggle a relationship and children, and it will difficult for him to find a woman who will understand that his children will always come before her. Maybe he just doesn't want the headache of trying to deal with a relationship.
2006-07-20 10:43:47 · answer #6 · answered by kris2166 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are a tremendous kind of folk who get tremendous pride from making others chuffed. mum and dad are a consumer-friendly get mutually of the "self-sacrifice" imperative taught interior the Bible, volunteer missionaries may be an severe get mutually. rather a lot each of the principals stumbled on interior the Bible are in between those 2 extremes. So, certain, own happiness may be the most important component for me. (faith would not count number once you think in equality between people, yet i'm a backyard form Protestant.)
2016-10-15 00:39:03 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course his children must be considered and time must be spent with them. Sorry, but I be live that he is trying to tell you that he is not interested in a relationship with you. You need to move on.
2006-07-20 10:38:36 · answer #8 · answered by 4HIM- Christians love 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, hes being too selfless,its doable , he jsut needs to find that person who will work in with his responsibilities re his kids, and he can have a nice balance of both.
2006-07-20 10:37:26 · answer #9 · answered by oz_gurl2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's just trying to tell you he isn't interested in a relationship with you.
2006-07-20 10:35:52 · answer #10 · answered by nimbleminx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋